Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

[NatzCNL]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins ? Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila ? baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain ? Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 ? baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess ? Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB ? Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate ? Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel ? Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird ? George 24/07/11
Sarahmia ? baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers ? Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj ? Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily ? Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug ? Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

Whoop Kittens!! Brilliant news - i can totally understand your OH's point of view and i hope he manages to start relaxing soon. You are past the biggest hurdle now and i think it's important to try and enjoy and be excited about the pregnancy (although i know easier said than done!)

Mishtabel - poor little Bella that must have been such a fright! really glad she is ok though RIP to the microwave.

hi there, it was sacha's birthday this weekend so not been on and just had a very quick catch up so sorry if I miss anyone. However I just want to say how brilliant your news is kittens, all looking sooo good.

Legoboat, I also doubted diagnosis. Have you got the report from the scan? I have a memory box and keep it there and refer to it (not so much any more as it's five years since my first termination but in the early days). I was also advised to wait until genetic counselling but I found it to be relatively uninteresting and so with my second termination I then waited for a full cycle and a clear period before ttc. I am really sorry you are in this position.

Littlepoot I didn't have to take drugs but I had lots of anxiety following ds1 (first baby following first termination). I've mentioned it before. I'm really sorry you went through that but I'm so glad you are out the other side. I don't think I've been that bad this time. apparently pnd is often linked to expectations of parenthood not matching up to the reality. I think because we have had more problems becoming parents perhaps our expectations might become more unrealistic than someone who has an easier ride - it becomes such a massive goal it out weighs the fact that looking after a newborn is hard work and an emotional strain. x

I'm sorry Poot i totally meant to comment on your post too - like Poot already knows i also had problems with this too although it manifested in bad anxiety/panic attacks and insomnia in me (rather than depression as such).

I didn't know that we were at more risk for this, but like Manitz says it does make sense. I guess we expect that once we get our baby we should be feeling really grateful and happy all the time but of course that's not realistic. I also had to go on a course of anti-d's and some sleeping pills when DH finally forced me off to the doctor and luckily these sorted me out relatively quickly and am totally fine now. At the time i wondered how anyone ever had another baby afterwards but now i know all the worry and stressing about little things sorts itself out on its own - hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Hi Katie, I'm sorry to hear you had it too. Like you I had anxiety and panic attacks. I found the panic attacks frightening and thought I was going to die. I found it quite weird that a lot of my panic was about my health not my kids health which would have made more sense. I think finding out about my baby's heart reminded me of all our mortality and I was worried I would leave the children motherless. I found a lump on my thyroid which took a year to be biopsied and removed which I don't think helped. After a year it went away. I just had to go to bed when it happened or go for a walk in the park. It was a fairly dark year.

However I have had almost no panic attacks this time round so it doesn't mean that it will happen again. Also none with previous babies but with my first child I presumed I would get depressed so was really happy that I was fairly normal once she was born. With baby 3 I presumed that my world would be great but I didn't think about the psychological effect of the termination plus a couple of bereavements in our family at the same time.

Just popping in to say good luck to Katie for your Anomaly scan today. x

Thanks Kittens! So pleased to report that baby is all ok and bang on average with all measurements. We are very relieved

Manitz sorry you went through a hard time too, it is strange isn't it that we all experienced something quite similar. This time round i feel quite sure that it won't happen again, i think perhaps as i feel more confident this time round and of course more time has passed. Fingers crossed anyway x

Woo hoo! So pleased Katie. But do we know whether Felix will be getting a little brother or a little sister? xx

That's great news Katie x

Thank you both!

Don't know the sex, keeping it a secret but I have a strong feeling it's another boy - will have to wait and see I'd I'm right! X

By secret I mean suprise!

Hi, I had to have a medical termination at just short of 14 weeks in June as my scan showed my baby girl had Edwards Syndrome. I fell pregnant again on my first cycle and am now 10 weeks. I've had an early scan at 8 weeks and development is ok so far but obviously won't be able to find out if there are genetic problems again until my 12 week scan. I've got a 2% increased risk, which I know is low, but you kind of loose faith in the stats when something like that happens. Fully prepared for bad news at my scan in 10 days. Just thought I'd say hi, it's hard to talk to people that haven't been through this sometimes x

Hi dutchy,
Just wanted to say congratulations on your pregnancy. Everyone here knows what you're going through - I'm new to this group but it's a good place to get support. I've only just started relaxing about my pregnancy (I'm now 22.5 weeks) since the anomaly scan, and stopped fearing the worst, so I know how you feel. x

Hi Dutchy and welcome!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 21 weeks pregnant, also had a loss at 14 weeks due to incompatible with life diagnosis so know what you are going though. I also had a healthy DS after my termination but was still very worries this time round.
Tray and stay positive and remeber despite the bad luck that the odds are really on your side and we will be here to hold your hand through the scans xx

Hello everyone,

I was so pleased (although this sounds like an odd thing to be pleased about) that others were brave enough to share that they had some hard times after the birth of their babies. I have too. It's funny because you think when the baby arrives it will make it all better, but it brings its own pain, a different sort from the pain of ending a pregnancy, but all bound up in that too. I'm probably not explaining myself very well, but sometimes I have found myself second-guessing my decision (which I never did at the time) and sometimes feeling bad about delighting in my son, as if I didn't deserve to be happy because/even though he is here. All so difficult, I hope I one day reach the peace some of you mentioned. I'm glad this thread exists.

There's been a bit of talk about a meet-up, maybe I could offer myself as a sacrifice on the altar of organisation if people are still interested? I guess a London venue would suit more people - how about sometime around the end of Nov or early Dec before the Christmas rush starts?

Finally: congratulations to cherry and Natz on their weddings, katie for a great anomaly scan, dutchy and scampi on your pregnancies (and good luck dutchy for tomorrow), and all good thoughts to kittens for continued good news.

Also fingers crossed for Flower, your little bud must be on his or her way soon!

Hi everyone, quick update
I am now 41 weeks, have already had 2 sweeps, having another on thurs and then its induction on monday if bubs doesnt decide to move by then.
Thinking of you kittens, and those with scans and tests coming up, hope all goes well.
xx

Hey ghislaine - i would be up for a meet up if everyone else is! london is fine for me. Thanks for your congrats and sorry you had to go through a bit of a hard time too - it is so funny (?!) that so many of us experienced the same.

Flower - am patiently waiting for some news, hope you don't have to wait too much longer! x

Hi everyone, I hope you don't mind me joining you? I had some really great support from some of you over the summer when we lost our first pregnancy (a little girl) at 18 weeks.

Today is exactly 9 weeks on from the termination and I should be 27 weeks pregnant and going into the third trimester, I'm generally doing better but still struggling sometimes.

We're now going to try again (not v likely this month as both dh and I are away until the evening of the day I'm due to ovulate) and I'm feeling very conflicted. I HATED TTC last time, it took 7 months and when I found I was pregnant my first feeling was relief that I wouldn't have to keep going with the emotional rollercoaster of trying and failing each month (little did I know...)

Because I've never managed to actually have a live baby, I'm also worried there's just something fundamentally wrong with me, and we could have years ahead of us of trying, failing and heartbreak.

I'm sorry, I know you can't make tell me what's going to happen but any advice or reassurance you have would be very appreciated! It's been very heartening to read this thread and see how you've moved on and congratulations to all of you who have had their babies or are expecting.

Piz

Hi Pizdets and welcome - i remember you from your threads. How are you doing?

I totally understand your reluctance to TTC and just want to be pregnant again, i hated the thought of having to try and was desperate for it to happen right away. Luckily it did after my first period so will cross my fingers it is quick for you too - i think it often can be after being pregnant recently.

Even when you are past that first hurdle obviously it is a very nerve wracking time getting through the scans but everyone here is a great support and can hold your hands along the way. Good luck xxx

hi pizdets I hope you find this thread a good support whilst ttc.

Can I add my name to the meetup list?
ghislaine, ime first year is always awful no matter what your experience. No sleep and little interaction, maybe you will find the peace when ds a little older, first birthday is a good milestone. It's not just because of our grief. course there are good bits about first year too but glad it's over.
flower any news?

Got back from the hospital this afternoon. My waters broke tuesday at midnight, went into proper labour wednesday afternoon. Hannah was born at 02:52 thursday 18th , weighihg 9lb 3oz so needed a bit of help getting out!

Thank you lovely ladies for all the support over the last few years. I now have a daughter I can hold in my arms with a big sister looking out for her in heaven xxx

wow flower how exciting, many congratulations. can she be added to the list? it would be nice to update it.

Given my previous post, I expect you are really looking forward to the next year! You are at the beginning of a long journey and the first year is amazing and different from everything that has gone before but it is also emotional as it takes time to adjust to something so new, so I found it quite surreal also. But i love that koala-like newborn stage when they just sleep on you and you are awake at odd times of the night, it is cool x

Many congratulations Flower! Gorgeous name. And impressive weight too! I wish you all many happy snuggly times with your second little girl.

Pizdets, good luck with ttc. It's very hard when you don't know what's going to happen. The easiest way for me to get through it was a) to think it was easier to be trying to have another baby than to imagine not having another, and b) to block block block it all and pretend it wasn't happening. Probably not very healthy - but it worked.

It is four years ago on Wednesday that my first lost baby was born/died. Unbelievable actually, almost, now. Four years ago today, I had the appointment where we were told that the baby wouldn't survive. Baby Lucia, may she rest in peace. Ghislaine - I have that calm you mention. It will come for you, too.

Love to all others. Would be up for a meet up if I didn't live at the wrong end of the country!

Congratulations Flower!! Wonderful news and brilliant weight, no wonder she needed a little help. I hope you are getting lots of sleep and cuddles.

This is NatzCNL by the way, I fancied a name change and we are all getting back into the Gruffalo now that Sienna is older and begining to enjoy books.

I would also love to meet up so please put my name on the catch up list.

Welcome Pizdets, we are all here to give you as much support as you need during the TTC stage. It's a very tense time even when there is no history of problems IMO. Like Kcubs I too fell quite quickly after my termination, I was told by my GP that your body is more suseptable to a pregnancy after a birth/termiantion/miscarriage. Wishing you lots of luck and a quick BFP xx

Sorry for such a short post, am off to bed as been a very busy weekend and need to catch up on some much needed sleep!

Kittens, thinking of you and hoping to hear some more good news soon xx

Congratulations Flower, and welcome to not-so-little Hannah! Well done both of you. Enjoy these days, they race by.

ps I think Natz/Gruffalo can update the list....

Flower!!!!! Many congratulations on the safe arrival of Hannah a fantastic weight and a perfect little sister! Been checking in frequently for this update!
Ladies I have been completely crap recently - as I'm sure you will have noticed by my absence. So so busy back at work, and coordinating school runs and preschool etc etc, no excuse I know but I'm sorry....I've become a read only poster however I promise I will try harder! And I would love to meet up with you ladies sometime too
Just for the record my teeny tiny Callum is now 9mths old (eek),over 18lbs, eats like a horse, not quite sitting but loves his jumperoo where does the time go?
Love to you all and will post properly soon xxxx