Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

[NatzCNL]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins ? Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila ? baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain ? Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 ? baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess ? Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB ? Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate ? Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel ? Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird ? George 24/07/11
Sarahmia ? baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers ? Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj ? Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily ? Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug ? Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

Hi everyone, thanks so much for the words of support!

Katiecubs, thanks again for your help over the summer, it was/is really appreciated. I'm actually doing better, I can go days at a time without crying and I feel more accepting about it all (most of the time). Am trying to be very proactive about making the most of my life and not being pregnant (even if hopefully not for long) so doing lots of sport, travel, dinners out with nice wines, it's definitely helping a bit!

Can'tdothis, I really like the idea of blocking but I need to get better about it, I think my 'blocking' skills might come to the fore if I do manage to get knocked up again!

Gruffalo, congrats on falling pregnant again so fast, I do hope it happens quickly for me but I also don't feel very lucky right now! I suppose what will be will be, and I'd rather it took longer to go right this time if that's how it must be - that's what I tell myself.

Flower, congratulations on the birth of Hannah, that's a lovely name. It's so good to hear about people getting there!

Piz

Flower - hurrah!! Congratulations on the birth of baby Hannah (lovely name, my neice is a Hannah too) hope you are enjoying all those precious first cuddles :)

Pizdets - you are most welcome. I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better and enjoying doing lots with your time, wine deffo helped me too! Crossing my fingers that may change for you soon though ;)

lots of love to everyone else xxx

Hello ladies,

I wonder if I might join you here? So many of you were very kind and helpful last summer when we made the heart breaking decision to terminate at 16 weeks for T21.

I have various fertility issues (lost one tube with ectopic, plus require both bromocriptine and clomid to make me ovulate) and so TTC has been a little difficult again, and we've been trying since January.

Yesterday I got a positive, I'm so happy but also so afraid, it has brought back many memories.

I don't post much do but still read these boards, so hope I'm in the right place.

Lily

Hi everyone

can I jump on board?

We made the awful decision back in december to terminate at 19 weeks for t21 and other issues. Infact it was so bloody awful went in to terminate on 23rd december so still dealing with the aftermath over christmas. We didn't get to see the consultant with the final results until june and were then told that there was nothing we could of done it wasn't genetic etc etc and to start ttc if we wanted.

Just got my bfp but clearly did not realise what a huge rollercoaster this is turning out to be! not helped by the fact that it was this time last year when I was in early pregnancy.

Lily I know what you mean by happy but so scared! I have my booking in at the midwife week on wed and can't bring myself to phone the consultant but know it needs to be done.

Maybe we can hold each others hands?

Thanks for reading guys, would appreciate some words of wisdom from any one who has been here before

xxx

Hi Lily and Corazon, Welcome and congratulations on your pregnancies :)

I know it's a very scary time but taking it one day at a time does help. The chances are this time round you will be just fine (although i know we have all been on the wrong side of bad odds before) just look at the long list of babies born since this thread began.

I'm 24 weeks now with my 3rd pregnancy (1st terminated at 14 weeks due to turners syndrome and other complications and 2nd resulted in my lovely DS who is now 2). I think we all find the scans the scariest bit but there are plenty of lovely ladies here that will be here to support you through those.

Katie x

p.s I also meant to say that i'm really sorry for your losses x

Hi all, I've been rubbish lately on here. Just so busy at the moment but I do think of everyone and hope all is well.

Firstly Congratulations Flower!!! I'm delighted to hear you have your gorgeous baby girl Hannah. We arrived at the sister board at a similar time didn't we - I'm just so pleased for you!! Hope you're enjoying these early days.

Congratulations to Lily and Corazon and I'm sure the thread will help you immensely on the scary journey of pregnancy. I found it invaluable and hope you do too.

Hi Katie, hope you're doing well!! And hi to Mrs Bigz, Ghislaine, Manitz & Natz!

Piz, best of luck with TTC and I hope you feel encouraged by this thread.

Hi to everyone else, I would do more personals but I'm on my phone and it takes me forever to type!!

tomorrow is the second anniversary of Leilas birth. I feel reflective rather than upset and my thoughts have been on her far more than they are usually. I'm very aware that really no one else is thinking of her. It's like she didn't exist to everyone else.. I don't feel the pain of losing her so acutely anymore but I feel some emptiness still. Kade who is one next Friday, has almost taken up that void and is a wonderful gift that I'm so grateful for. So, Ive reached a place of calm I think, but I haven't forgotten.

Love to all x

Hi Lily and Corazon

I think you have definitely come to the right place - I have found such hope through reading this thread.

I am now 16 weeks pregnant after saying goodbye to our little girl last November. We are trying to be optimistic but the fear will remain I think throughout the pregnancy. I find taking it one scan/appointment at a time is the only way to get through... and to try and keep as busy as possible in between! I hope all goes well for you both x

Hi ladies,

I would like to join you as we had to make the very difficult decision just over a month ago to terminate at 21 weeks for severe heart defects that showed up in the 20-week anomaly scan. It was my first pregnancy and I had to go through a medical termination. These pages really helped before and after - I found the termination quite a lonely experience in real life as there were few people I trusted sufficiently to tell the whole truth (although those I did choose to tell have been amazingly supportive), so reading about other people's experience online was a real lifeline.

Despite all this I recovered quickly physically and find I am feeling OK most of the time, so we are slowly considering TTC again. I was wondering what medical advice you received in this respect? We were told to wait for my first period, but that there was no medical reason to wait any longer than that (but to make sure we were coping emotionally). Since my period returned clockwork-like after 26 days as usual, this seems quite a short time in my case, so it would be good to find out what advice other people have received. On the one hand we feel that getting pregnant as soon as possible is the one thing that will help us refocus on the future, on the other hand, as so many of us who have gone through similar experiences, I am terrified of something going wrong again...

I don't have regular access to internet, but will try to pop in here from time to time and definitely have my fingers crossed for all you ladies!

Thank you so much for all your messages of support in some ways its so sad that everyone has been through so much!

Katie thank you for your kind words and hope you are still doing ok in your pregancy one day at a time seems the best.

Cherry - we said goodbye to Alfie in last december so coming up for the year soon I am know what you mean about the emptiness don't think that will ever go away. You have to still remember and have that time to reflect I think.

Chunky - congrats to you 2! yes keeping busy is diffo a good strategy!

Mango - hi sorry to hear about your loss it probably still feels quite raw as it was so recent. I 2 only told few people in rl and they were great but talking to people who have been through it helps I think - infact this is the second post and I done and its helping so much. Think its a personal decision as to when to ttc again. I was quite poorly for 6 months after with infection after infection so ended up waiting a long time to ttc. Our consultant said 3 months would be a good time to wait to help with the emotional side of things. As for the terrified of it all happening again I hear you! But I feel the drive to have another baby is worth the worry again (hope so)

Thanks again for everyones support - got my booking with midwife next week and after that an early scan so trying not to think about those!

Hope everyone is ok x

Welcome to all the new posters who have found their way here!

Congratulations to lily, chunkymonkey and corazon on your pregnancies. Pregnancy is a really nerve-wracking time. I mostly got through it by blocking it out and trying not to acknowledge it. I didn't tell work until I was 24 weeks (I work from home a lot!).

I think we've all had different experiences with TTC as well. I was told that there's a spike in fertility after a pregnancy loss, but didn't experience it myself. It took me nine months each time to get pregnant, and we had to resort to IUI and clomid the second time.

Anyone else keen on coming to the meet-up? So far I have

Manitz
Kcubs
Gruffalo
MrsBigz

Apart from the fact that everyone on the list is lovely and worth meeting for that reason alone, I found it really helped to meet others who'd been in the same situation. As you say Mango, it's an incredibly isolating experience.

Oooh yes - me too please for a meet up, assuming you're thinking about London again? Gosh, what a lot has happened since I last popped in. Hello lovely new people! I'm really pleased you've found your way here, even though it's rubbish that you've needed to. It has been a hugely supportive place for me, so I hope you find the same. Congratulations too on the new pregnancies. Although I do still remember how scary that beginning part is. One step at a time though, and come back whenever you need talking down from your latest panic.

Mango - after my medical termination (at about 14 weeks), I was advised to wait for three months before trying again. I actually waited a bit longer too because I needed a bit of time before I could face it again. Then I had a mmc and surgical removal and this time they said just to wait for my first proper period. I did and got pregnant one or two later (after gratuitous use of ovulation sticks because I was too impatient to wait) and the result is snoring his head off upstairs. I think it's best to wait until your period has come back, just to check all is back on track (and for dates) but other than that, just try when you're ready. You'll sadly never be quite back to how you were before this awful time, and you'll be worrying about everything as soon as you do manage to get pregnant again, but as you say - the desire to have a baby does seem to take over, so do what you think is best for you. And keep looking at that list at the top of the thread to remind yourself that it has worked out in the end for so many of us.

Speaking of which - kittens - are you about my love? What news? I hope you're ok??

And flower, congratulations! Are you lurking at all? Or is the beautiful Hannah keeping you awake at all hours? Those first few weeks can be so so tough. It really is worth it in the end though, I promise - just hang on in there. Gorgeous name too. Well done you.

All's fine this end. Jacob's busy practising for being 2. He's almost got the tantrum perfected, and I'm perfecting my 'ignore it and it might go away' non-reaction. Ignore and distract - those are my current mantras. You have to pick your battles, so if I can diffuse a few before they start then so much the better. He's just so damned cute though! So worth all the stress. xxx

Hello, yes I'm about. Sorry for the long silence. I've been away on holiday and then when I got back so much had been going on on the thread that I wanted to wait until I had time to reply to everyone rather than a fleeting "me" post but, bugger it, I had got 2/3 of the way through a rather long post which I was going to come back to this morning and finish of and somehow the page had got closed and the whole bloody thing lost!

All is still "so far so good" here. Had a scan last week and all looked fine, measuring 16+4. Got my anomaly scan on 23 Nov. We've now just started telling people which feels weird. We've sort of been in safety mode of not acknowledging anything more than the 'condition' that is pregnancy rather than the assumption that pregnancy=baby, but now that people are referring to an actual baby making an appearance at the end of it all so it's starting to feel like it may actually work out that way. I have decided though, being a retro sort of girl, that I'm going to go the "stork" route and am off to plant a gooseberry bush at the end of my garden in preparation. None of the grisly labour lark I keep hearing about .

I'm up for a meet up too. It would be lovely to catch up with you all. xx

Mango welcome, i'm so sorry for your loss but you have found a great home here. In terms of TTC i was told i could get on with it asap - i don't really think there is a set time as such as differant doctors say differant things - just whenever you feel ready i guess. Like you TTC gave me something to focus on and helped me look forward. Good luck!

Kittens hello stranger - great to hear that your scan was good and that you have started telling people. It does make it seem much more real the more you talk about it but it is a funny thing to get your head round. I'm still in denial here a bit! Are you going to find out the sex do you think?

Poot i hear you on the tantrums - am also trying to ignore it or using the naughty step although F seems to quite enjoy the naughty step! Most of the time i find the naughty stuff he does quite funny too and really struggle to keep a straight face, it's crazy watching such a little person get so angry about nothing! He has also learnt that farting is really funny (oops) and keeps trying to do them on purpose now and getting upset when he can't. Must stop laughing at his farts.

Ghislaine when are we thinking of for the meet up? This year still? xxx

OH doesn't want to find out the sex. I must admit I'm curious but I don't mind waiting either. OH comes from a mostly boys family and mine is the opposite.

They do say that boys are most common amongst those who track their ovulation, especially on ovulation stimulating treatment (where the consultant tells you exactly when to "make love") because of the fact that sex is timed so closely with ovulation. Apparently girl making sperms take their time, whereas boy making sperms rush to reach the finish line. Sounds like something that doesn't stop with fertilization! Anyway, time will tell...

Well boys are pretty cool! We didn't find out the sex either time - i much prefer a suprise :)

Hi kittens, great to hear from you and glad all's going well.

Katie (no longer KCubs? I liked that - it made you sound like a DJ!), I think I suggested end of Nov or early Dec for a meet up, but if people's schedules are already too hectic, we can wait until the new year. I am pretty flexible myself & can definitely do something this year . If it suits everyone we could go for a central London location again. I thought the Southbank worked well last time.

So the updated list for the meet up is:

ghislaine
Gruffalo (fka Natz)
katiecubs
kittens
LittlePoot
Manitz
Mrsbigz

Would love to see some new people on the list too - don't be shy!

Hi all, thanks for your kind words of support and welcome. We have decided to wait for my period to return at least for a second time as I have had some spotting, perhaps a sign my hormones are not balanced yet and to avoid blaming myself if something should go wrong again. As you say, LittlePoot, it will never be the same again, so I feel it's best to avoid unnecessary risk factors to reduce excessive paranoia!

Corazon, sorry to hear you went through a rocky time healthwise after your termination, but glad to hear you are pregnant again now - all the best! And Havingkittens, I can totally understand the need to take one step at a time, hope all continues to go well for you! It's so reassuring to see that so many of you have gone on to have healthy babies and several others currently pregnant - I hope all of you have good scan results as you go along!

Would love to meet up, but unfortunately am too far away to make it this time.

Hi yes I'm lurking, thanks for all the good wishes, lovely to hear from mrsb and cherry.

I'm getting used to the feeding, sleeping routine, im really upset that I cant breast feed, birth ended up being rather traumatic. After she was born I covered the floor with blood and was rushed to theatre for repairs and to deal with retained placenta, ended up having 2 blood transfusions, my pulse was sky high and I was deydrated. during my 3 day stay in hospital my milk never came in, doctors said it was because I was so anemic and because of all the stess.

Having kittens glad things are going well for you, and congratulations to those who are newly pregnant.
ps can someone add Hannah to the thread baby list.

lots of love to everyone xx

Wow flower-that sounds really tough! So glad you're both ok now. I can understand you being gutted not to be able to breast feed. I had to stop afterthe first few weeks and even before that I had to mix feed because he just wasn't getting enough milk from me. I really beat myself up about it, but looking back, I really should have given myself a break! There are way more important things than which vessel the milk comes from and as a scientist working in public health (which I now sort of am), I can tell you that although breast is indeed best, its only a very small difference and really not worth worrying about. It is a pain to have to make a bottle in the night rather than just whip out a boob, but not as much pain as blocked ducts, cracked nipples and mastitis...... Which all my breast feeding friends suffered with to some degree. What I'm really trying to say is that you are doing a completely brilliant job with Hannah and don't let yourself get hung up on things that you can't control.

So excited for you kittens! But totally with you on the gradual realisation there might actually be a baby in there, not just a pregnancy....

So, lets talk days for meeting up then. I could do weekend of 10th, Sunday 18th, weekend of 24th November but possibly only weekend of 1st December. Unless I bring Jacob then the weekend of the 8th opens up too. Might be away weekend after and then its Christmas already! what do we reckon?

Oh and Katie-farting is top entertainment in our house too, ever since he farted in the bath which, lets face it, must feel pretty funny if you're only 1.... xx

Oh Flower, that sounds, well, I don't really have the words - extremely stressful I guess would be an understatement. I hope you got decent care and are recovering well. It's tough when you don't have any time to yourself and are dealing with sleep deprivation at the same time (KITTENS, DON'T READ THIS).

I mixed fed my son after a few days as he lost more than 10% of his birthweight after 3 days and the pediatrician demanded he be given formula. One tip for night feeds is to buy those little ready-made cartons. It's much easier to snip off the top than bother with the kettle. Or there are those pre-made little bottles with teats you can buy, like this. It's pricey but if you just do it for nights, then it's worth it.

Flower, I had, in my lost post sent you huge congratulations and then forgot to say it again when I made it back! Wow, what a traumatic time you had, you poor thing. I hope you are recovering OK. See, that's why I've opted for stork delivery .

Hi everybody!

I used to post regulary on the sister thread after my termination in feb 2010. Not sure who is around from then, but big hello to you all! Hi to everyone else too...

Just felt like sharing my news with everyone.... Seems fitting somehow... I'm currently sat nursing my two week old son Noah who is absolutely, sleeping habits aside perfect :-) still have to pinch myself sometimes!

Anyway good luck to those currently pregnant and congrats to those who have recently given birth! x

Oh Bluecat-congratulations. What lovely news on this cold wintery evening and what a lovely name!

How are we getting on with a date for going out ladies? Xx

Great news Bluecat! Welcome to the world little Noah & practice sleeping for your mummy.

I'm free on any of those days you suggest Poot. Anyone else have any preferences?

I forgot to say to Cherry that anniversaries are hard, especially when it seems like you're the only one who remembers. I hope the day went peacefully.