Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

[NatzCNL]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins ? Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila ? baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain ? Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 ? baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess ? Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB ? Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate ? Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel ? Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird ? George 24/07/11
Sarahmia ? baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers ? Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj ? Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily ? Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug ? Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

Hello mrs cherrybug, glad you had a great day, sorry the kids have been poorly. Dark winter nights are a great time to plan a holiday!

We decided not to find out the sex of baby and have a surprise on the day, which hopefuly will be soon, as I'm now nearly 38 weeks.

Kittens so pleased everything is going well for you, popped on to see how you are doing

love to everyone else xx

Thanks. It's so lovely to have all your words of encouragement. Not too long to go now. I can't believe I've got this far to be honest. I just hope the rug isn't pulled out from und my feet.

One of the poor girls from my other thread, who some of you have "spoken to" on the sister thread has just had to terminate her pregnancy due to the baby only having one kidney which was over sized and the outlook wasn't looking good. It's a painful reminder of the fact that even after the 12 week scan you can't still fully relax and so very sad for her aft all she'd already been through. We all remember that awful raw pain, the rollcoaster or should I say train crash of emotions, guilt, etc. but I was trying to reassure her that although it feels now that she will ever come to terms with her loss and the decision she as forced to make, that it does get easier with time. Reading the comments from all of you about being at peace, yet somehow feeling guilty for letting go of some of the sadness really brings that home. We all did the best for our little ones, as painful as it was. I do feel at peace now and in a way can thank my dreadful memory for not remembering what should've been due dates because I, personally, don't think that would've done me any good. I may be at peace about the decisions I've made in the past but obviously it's making me doubly shit myself about the next few months!

Congratulations Cherry! Sorry the kids haven't been well. Enjoy holiday planning...

Nearly there Flower! How are you feeling?

Kittens, yay yay yay! It's all looking so good. I am sorry about the woman who has terminated for kidney problems - my 2nd termination was for bilateral renal agenesis, ie no kidneys, incompatible with life, so I do know how it feels to have a devastating 20 week scan. Try to push it out of your head though - it will not happen to you. It can't. I have a good feeling!

Old-timers, I have the same sense of distance from my losses. Sometimes they almost feel unreal, like they happened in a dream or to somebody else. But I agree: that's the only way we can move on and live, through that emotional distance. It's not disloyal.

My first termination was almost four years ago. Unbelievable, almost. I do feel at peace with it.

Thinking of you all.

I meant to say congratulations too Cherry. Glad you had a fab day. Sorry to hear your honeymoon was taken over by pukey children . I hope you get to make up for it in Sardinia. x

Hello all - hope you don't mind me posting here. I'm going in tomorrow for a surgical tx following big problems at 12 week scan. Do you mind sharing how long it took you to get pregnant after you tx? Reading this thread it seems most people had a medical procedure? I'm a little worried that a surgical one will damage me somehow? Any positive stories gratefully received! Thanks.

HI legoboat,
I was going to post on your other thread, sorry you have found your self in this position and hope tomorrow goes as well as can be expected. You'll find lots of support and lovely ladies on these threads.
I had a surgical termination in 2010 when we found our baby was incompatible with life at the 12 week scan,it was my first pregnancy, and like you it was my first experience of general anesthetic and i found that worrying, but it was all over pretty quickly, when i first came round i was in lots of pain and they gave me morphine by 5pm when they let me go home i had bad period type pains that i used paracetamol and ibuprofene for, which lasted a couple of days, I was lucky in that I didn't bleed too much afterwards. In researching what would happen at sugical tx i came across some anti abortion sites which had me worried about damage, the consultant on the day was very reasuring that tx up to 13 weeks has few risks as the baby is so small and its very unlikely to cause on going issues. Everyone is different but it can take awhile for hormones to sort themsleves out, it was 8 weeks before i had my first period post tx.
I am currently 38 weeks preganant after 16 months of trying but this has nothing to do with tx, age related and after we tried for 12 cycles i got checked out and found i was not ovulating every cycle and ovulating late, and used clomid to get pregnant this time, so please dont worry too much, and I hope this counts as a positive story. Just to say lots of ladies on this thread have got pregnant fairly soon after their txs. The list of thread babies at the start of the thread is testament to this, and something that I have found very reassuring.

Best wishes xx

Legoboat, I'm so sorry you're going through this awful experience now. The other girls on here will be able to give you much more positive insight on TTC after a termination than I will. My story makes for pretty grim reading and none of it to do with being affected by the termination so I won't give you the fear by sharing it with you. They do seem to advise waiting 3 months before TTC after a termination. I've had two and they recommended that both times.

I have just tried to make a positive move by booking my next IV treatment at around 12.5 weeks but I am absolutely shitting myself about my Nuchal on Wednesday.

Thanks for your kind words. Yesterday went as well as it could, they were all very sensitive and they put me in a private room which was good of them (I think the main ward section was for those choosing to terminate), and I seem to have very few side effects, no pain at all and very little bleeding. They kept telling me it was the right thing to do and that I had no option. Obviously, I'm now paranoid that 1. they got it wrong to start with (they never did bloods, the tx was advised solely on the 12 week scan) and 2. that I'll suffer some complication for future fertility. Obviously, the rational bit of me knows that these two things are very unlikely. I have a feeling that this was not a chromosone (sp?) thing but an infection - but they are testing and will presumably report back to me. My DS had chicken pox about 5/6 weeks ago, and having consulted doctor google (obviously not the best thing to do), the problems highlighted at the scan seem to fit very closely with this. We will see. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to wait to start TTC until after a first period - but advice seems very conflicted on this. Yesterday they said I could start having sex as soon as the bleeding stops? (which is now!) I suppose the only problems with this is for dating purposes if I fell PG on the first go.

As it's now Wednesday, Kittens, I am and will be thinking of you and I'm hoping and wishing and praying for you with every bone in my body. Fingers and toes crossed for you and your babe. This must be your time for good news.

Kittens sweetie-any news? xxx

A pretty good result. They scanned extremely thoroughly and said everything looked as it should and there were no markers for Downs or signs of other trisomies. The bloods were very good too apparently. So, all that brought my odds, which started off as 1:30 because of my age and history to 1:600 which sounds pretty good to me. I decided to have the CVS too just to make absolutely sure because I thought if I happened to be reaaaalllly bloody unlucky and be that 1 out of 600 it would make a mockery of all my past decisions. He said the risk of miscarriage was 1:500 so hopefully all will be fine. He was very good at helping me decide about the CVS. He basically said "The risks are more or less the same so at the end of the day, if you were someone prone to very bad luck, which would you rather, loose a baby or have a baby with Down's?" I'd forgotten just how horrible the CVS was though and nearly caused a disaster by almost jumping off the bed when he did it, but all was fine.

I think I can probably breathe out now! The CVS is just "belt and braces". I wonder how long it will take my neck to un-crick now? It's been a rather tense few days!

Fabulous news. I'm quietly pleased and hopeful for you.

Onwards and upwards, and in the case of your belly, outwards!

Congratulations on the great scan Kittens!! Such happy news for you at last. May it continue throughout the entire pregnancy.
I've just skim read, as it is Sienna's 1st birthday today!!! Can you believe it?! And it's been a manic day, especially as DD2 has spent all day throwing up so. Poor little thing. DD1 is now in bed crying because she has a cough, and Sienna is sound asleep in her cot. I have a tonne of work to plough through before tomorrow.
Legoboat - Im so sorry you have had to go through this awful experiance. I had a sergical termination just over 2 years ago. We were advised to wait till the bleeding stopped, and to try when we were emotionally ready. We began trying 4 weeks after the termination, and I had previously always fallen pregnant on the first attempt. With DD3 - our amazing Sienna - it took us 3 months to fall.
I hope you are ok and getting lots of support in RL xx
Big hello to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals - will post properly soon xx

Kittens-I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for you! Really. I'm shedding tears of joy for you and your bean! Hope the results are fast and you get to rest and relax for a few days to recover.

And Lego-I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner but kittens had me rather distracted. We were pregnant and miscarried at the same time, then pregnant together again but kittens didn't have my luck. My little boy is 20 months now so this is long overdue! But I can pretty much echo what the other girls have said-I had a medical termination and got an infection after and took 6 months to get pregnant again. That one miscarried and I had surgery to remove it (essentially the same as the surgical termination)-no infections that time, waited for a proper period then got pregnant after my second period. I know you're in a dark place right now, but there is a lot of hope waiting for you and a lot of us here to steer you towards it. xx

Kittens - thanks so much for your reply and very happy about your scan, sounds like you're very much in due for some good news. xx

Everyone else who has commented, thank you so much for your experiences. It gives me some hope that next time (and there will be one!), it will go OK. I have been so impressed with the hospital and midwives and care there and they phoned again yesterday to check I was OK and to offer counselling if I need it. I was in a bad way Mon/Tues but I've taken this week off work and will be back on Monday, I've found so far that if I'm busy, I'm not thinking about it so much and going over whether I should have waited longer to double check the incompatible with life diagnosis (all was decided within 2 hours from scan and consultant scan). CVS would have been impossible anyway apparently because of the placental position. I think it was an unusual situation for the hospital to have someone have a surgical termination for medical reasons as although I was over 13 weeks, their cut off is 12 but they let me have one because of the size issues the baby had so I had to go to the gynae ward and not the special area they have for medical management. It's the thought of sucking out a live baby that's hard to come to terms with especially without a firm diagnosis (although realistically again, I saw the scan, the head was very, very wrong). The midwives yesterday have advised I might like to wait for the results before trying again but seeing as me and OH have a healthy child, I can't see the benefit in this particularly - hoping this is just bad luck rather than a doomed forever situation. Just feels really weird not to be pregnant anymore.

Kittens!!!!!! Just back from hols and absolutely overjoyed to hear your news - am so so happy for you

Lego so sorry for your loss, i hope you are doing ok. I had what sounds like a similar diagnosis to you (although they did CVS) but TTC right away and very luckily got pregnant after my first AF. DS is now 2 and i have number 2 on the way (20 weeks now). I'm sure it just is a case of bad odds, something which we have all had and i hope when you feel ready you get pregnant again quikly x

Thank you all lovely ladies . Still a bit twingey from the CVS. Trying not to get paranoid about possible miscarriage. Bloody hell, such a minefield of worry. But as I have been reminded, even in the best case scenario my life is now destined to be a minefield of worry!

Legoboat, it does sound like there is little doubt that even without a CVS there was no question that you have made the right decision. I wish you the very best for the future and hope you get a BFP soon.

Katie, I hope you had a lovely holiday. I'll be thinking of you next Wednesday.

Kittens I'm so glad its more good news for you.

I can relate to the worry, I havent been through as much as you have, but have spent the whole of this pregnancy worrying that something will go wrong, and that this baby would be taken away from us as well, and as it gets nearer to birth I seem to be getting all the more worried. I dont think ill truly accept this baby until he/she is safely in my arms. Having a room full of baby stuff makes me feel anxious, I struggled with buying all the little bits, it took a huge effort to walk into mothercare at 35 weeks and buy baby grows, I kind of felt like a fraud, that it was someting I shouldnt be doing.
Anyway I'm wittering on now.

love and best wishes to everyone xx

Ok, I don't want to put a downer on things, but a few things that people have said have made me think that this might be useful. As couple of you know, after a lovely pregnancy with Jacob, I was hit with massive post natal anxiety/depression and had a few even darker weeks than after the terminations. It took a whole lot of help and drugs to get me back on track to be the happy, calm parent I now am. PND is common anyway, but even more so with our history. I don't want to go on about it, but if any of you ever do find yourself struggling then please pm me any time and I can offer all the advice I have. X

Thank you sweetheart. Gosh, I didn't realise you went through that. I'm so sorry. Glad to hear you got the help you needed and are back on track. x

CVS results came back clear today. Phew!

Flower, I can well relate to not being able to relax until you have a baby at home in your arms. I just feel like I'm tackling one hurdle at a time and can't take anything for granted.

Yay! Fantastic news! You must be so relieved. These next few weeks are quite strange though, because nothing much really happens and you almost stop feeling pregnant. Are you having your next scan about 18 weeks? I did through the NHS because of my history, then a last one at 21 weeks. xx

Well, I have my IV treatment on Monday and I've yet to go to my booking in appointment. My next scan is at 16 weeks with my consultant, which will be my last appointment with him so will be in the hands of the NHS after that, apart from my anomaly scan which I may well have at FMC as they are so incredibly thorough and reassuring. Not sure if the NHS will offer me an 18 week scan. When I spoke to them they said the next one was the anomaly scan which is at 20 weeks, or thereabouts.

I am very relieved. It's only just sinking in now that I am actually pregnant not in the "waiting to qualify" zone. OH still couldn't look at the scan though even after they said everything looked fine. He's finding it hard to get emotionally involved with seeing the baby this early on in case things do go tits up .

Very early morning here and I should be sleeping but just had to say a big woohoo for Kittens!!! So happy to read your news. As Littlepoot said, long overdue, and I'm with Cant on the good feeling about this one xx

Sorry Legoboat for your loss, though glad you found these ladies to help you through. They're such a great source of support/advice/reassurance - whatever you need at the time - they're here

Flower, not long to go now, have that baby in your arms, and be able to finally let out that big sigh of relief. Good luck and I'll be checking for news

Finally, congratulations to Cherrybug! Sorry to hear about your little ones, and I hope they're feeling better. Looks like you'll just have to use this as an excuse to have a make-up holiday in the future :)

Bella climbed on a stool in the kitchen last night, fell off, pulling the microwave down with her. It just missed her, and it hit the floor with such force it is destroyed, so I am currently just lying here, cuddling her, thanking my lucky stars ( and her guardian angels) she is ok - it so easily could have turned out otherwise.

Must try to fall back to sleep, though highly doubt I will. Love to you all xxx

Thanks for your post poot, and for sharing. I havent really talked to midwife about our loss, mentioned at booking and she seemed uncomfortable with it all, so havent brought it up. The health visitor came the other day and it was the first thing she talked about and said she would keep a close eye on me because of risks of pnd. x