I spend every day angry or crying. I've got PND and I don't know what to do

[awfulmumshithead]

I can't go to the doctor. I CAN'T.

I won't take tablets. I WON'T.

I shout at everyone. I can't cope. I can't sleep at night. I don't know if it's depression or if I'm going mad.

I'm a regular. I've changed my name.

I just want to kill myself. I'm supposed to be happy.

I think I can cope for a day or two and then something goes wrong like I lose something and it makes me so angry. It makes me so angry that I can't stop shaking. I shout at my husband and my baby. Then I get so upset that I slap myself in the face because I hate being alive and being such an awful person. Then I feel nothing. Then I just want to sleep. Maybe a day later I feel like I'll just magically fix everything only it always goes wrong and I get angry again.

My family would be better off without me. I know they would.

Please, please, please don't tell me to go to the doctor. I don't want anyone to know what a failure I am.

I'm still around. Just keeping my head down.

Having a bad time at the minute because it's the anniversary of the day my first baby died. Always makes me very sad every year though. I'm trying to weather it and get through to next week. Listening to my sad song today which is what me and the bump listened to when I had to book the termination. Lots of tears. I always listen to it today. My son hasn't let me mope around too much and he's been saying mama to me today so that's lovely. Don't think he knows what he means but it's nice to hear mama mama mama.

Mumsnet said they were sorry I felt like that. I don't really mind about a response but I really hope they think about the way they ban people and being honest to them about what's happening.

That's about it. I'm trying to think of a new name for now but I'm not at the best of my game at the minute. Besides, how do you top 'michelleseashell'?

Thanks for all your replys still. I'm reading every single one x x x

How about a new name of "Michelle ma belle" ( without spaces)

Chin up Chicken , you have been so strong. We are proud of you.

Oohh, thanks for nice link, trumpton - I enjoyed that !

You should definitely go for that one, Michelleseashell - it's genius !

< takes bow > < gives Michellemabelle manly (gentle) punch on arm> .

Please check ou my blog http:/impactsofpnd.blogspotter.com and post on there it would be such a great help to me. If many post there may be advice and people you can talk to there xx

maybe write your husband a note and ask him to make an appointment for you? Going to the doctors and talking about this will be so hard but two or three weeks down the line you will be feeling so much better, I thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel but there really IS!!!!You have to get help its the only thing you can do, it will be worth it when you're feeling better I promise.
And I promise you, PND is a lot more common than you think, its not your fault and the doctors are used to dealing with it.

oh dear....just ignore me, I read the OP and first page and didn't realise there were another 24 pages I had horrendous PND and hate to think of anyone else suffering without help....hope OP is feeling better by now and those awful feelings are a distant-ish memory x

This is exactly what I'm going through atm I feel totally insane like I've lost complete control of myself I too fly off the handle at anything I scream n shout like I'm having a tantrum then literally curl up on the floor sobbing. Sometimes wake up feeling like I'm super mum then my baby doesn't nap when I planned n suddenly I'm shouting and out of control again. Ive been crying all day today it's defiantly got worse feel like there's no going back. Sorry I havnt given any advice but just know I feel the same as u do ur not alone.