I spend every day angry or crying. I've got PND and I don't know what to do

[awfulmumshithead]

I can't go to the doctor. I CAN'T.

I won't take tablets. I WON'T.

I shout at everyone. I can't cope. I can't sleep at night. I don't know if it's depression or if I'm going mad.

I'm a regular. I've changed my name.

I just want to kill myself. I'm supposed to be happy.

I think I can cope for a day or two and then something goes wrong like I lose something and it makes me so angry. It makes me so angry that I can't stop shaking. I shout at my husband and my baby. Then I get so upset that I slap myself in the face because I hate being alive and being such an awful person. Then I feel nothing. Then I just want to sleep. Maybe a day later I feel like I'll just magically fix everything only it always goes wrong and I get angry again.

My family would be better off without me. I know they would.

Please, please, please don't tell me to go to the doctor. I don't want anyone to know what a failure I am.

LeQueen, I know.... but it might help someone else. Let's hope so.

I'm afraid too LeQ.

How immensely annoying. I never normally bloody talk about having taken ADs

So is MN going to delete this thread then?

I've just asked them.

I hope they don't delete the thread, whether the op is a troll or not, there has been some amazing advice on here, and a real demonstration on just how strong and brave you have to be to admit that you are struggling, and get help.

Please mnhq, don't delete this thread - put an explanatory message if you have to, but don't lose all this wise advice.

It's a lot of time to dedicate though, isn't it? Just to get a few sad stories?

I reported this last night, and MN told me that they didn't ban the OP when she initially said they did. They were looking into it though, I don't suppose I was the only person who reported.

@pleasejustletmesaythis

I have been banned again. This time permanently. I have sent about five emails to Mumsnet begging you to just let you all know this but they're ignoring me. I've even sent them my phone number but they're ignoring me.

I've had seretonin syndrome and a severe panic attack after taking the AD. My doctor has given me an emergency prescription of valium and I am not to take ssri's ever again.

I just wanted to let you all know.

I'm going to get banned again now no doubt. I've just created two new accounts before I was able to post.

I'm beyond gutted that Mumsnet have treated me this way. If they want to ban me then that's their perogative but I desperately need support right now. I'm so sorry for whatever it is I've done.

Please please believe me that I did not make all this up and I really did have a bad reaction to the tablets. If the valium didn't work, I was going to have to have an ambulance called but thank god it kicked in.

Well this is likely the last time we'll speak. Thank you everyone for trying to help and sorry that I'm such a mess. I'll miss having Mumsnet.

Have you not received our mails? Do please check your inbox.

MN have said they would like it to stay, because there is so much great advice and support. Which is quite a nice way of getting good from bad, I think.....

Oh, cross post!

Yes hazey I agree. Some of the stories on here have been inspirational.

How odd.

I presume the OP is posting from hospital (serotonin syndrome ?)

X post Jodie, sorry!

Hello all - make that two people this thread has helped - I visited my GP this morning ostensibly about DD's hayfever but went on to speak to her about the possibility of having PND, based on some of the accounts I've read on this thread and elsewhere on Mumsnet. She has given me a question sheet to fill in to gauge the severity of it and also told me I ought to contact my HV, and then we will discuss what treatment if any I would need.
I'm still hopeful that it is sleep deprivation (18 months and awake every two hours SINCE BIRTH, anyone?) and will resolve itself in its own time but to all those who doubt, this thread has been a fucking godsend for me, DP and obviously, DD.

Weird thread is weird.

Mylittle glad it's been useful and hope you feel better soon.

Re sleep - do you feed or give any milk/food in the night?

I am glad the thread is staying, it has some fantastic words of advice and has shown how much we can all pull together to help someone in dire need of guidance and support.

If the OP is genuine, then I really feel for her and hope that she can get through this, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

If the OP is a troll, well then I still stand by what I said earlier. If it helps others seek help then so be it. I am delighted that a few have found the strenght already to seek help after reading this.

valiumredhead I'm still BF so she latches on constantly (I bring her into bed with us, and we've also moved her cot back next to the bed to eliminate me having to get up all the time) - she has a cup of milk/horlicks before bed but seems to suck at night for comfort as opposed to milk. All other feeds she has dropped in the day, unless ill/teething.
DP has never got up with her at night, as part of the way I believed the PND manifested itself was for me to take over EVERYTHING, as I worried that she was as much of a burden on him as she felt to me IYSWIM ?

I don't think you can sleep train or encourage sleeping through the night while BF tbh. It's something to work on when you decide to stop :)

Really hope you feel better soon x