I spend every day angry or crying. I've got PND and I don't know what to do

[awfulmumshithead]

I can't go to the doctor. I CAN'T.

I won't take tablets. I WON'T.

I shout at everyone. I can't cope. I can't sleep at night. I don't know if it's depression or if I'm going mad.

I'm a regular. I've changed my name.

I just want to kill myself. I'm supposed to be happy.

I think I can cope for a day or two and then something goes wrong like I lose something and it makes me so angry. It makes me so angry that I can't stop shaking. I shout at my husband and my baby. Then I get so upset that I slap myself in the face because I hate being alive and being such an awful person. Then I feel nothing. Then I just want to sleep. Maybe a day later I feel like I'll just magically fix everything only it always goes wrong and I get angry again.

My family would be better off without me. I know they would.

Please, please, please don't tell me to go to the doctor. I don't want anyone to know what a failure I am.

I'm not sure they would've even hit your system yet OP let alone give you side affects.

Side-effects tend to lessen as time goes on. You can switch to a different antidepressant later if needs be - there are several you can try, and you need to give them a fair go. The priority now is for you to take what the doctor has prescribed so that you can start the process of recovery. If you do nothing things will probably stay the same.

Mate, you have taken, like, one, right?

The effects you are feeling are not the medication. I have always been advised that any effects, whether positive or negative, will not kick in for 3 weeks at least

The immediate mental relief some feel from begining a course of ADs (and I do and have) is often from relief at being treated and taken seriously, and a new optimism.

sopmeone with medical experience may contradict me here, but I suspect that (not unreasonably) you are finding reasons not to take your medication.

Which, if you'll forgive the tough love approach for a bit, is going to get really fucking wearying for a family that need a happy and coping mother

I'm confused now too.

Is the GP going to follow up anytime soon?

have you started your meds? If you think the Meds are giving you those side effects so soon after taking your very first dose perhaps you need further advice from the GP because i'm sure that that is not normal.

When is your next appt with your GP/ MH team?

The Doc prescribed the lowest possible dosage (20mg) if it came it white tablet form, and if the OP has only taken half of that, it's very doubtful the side effects would kick in a few minutes later.

Chattering death or dead? Bit of weight gain or dead? Sexual dysfunction or dead? You will not be on these pills forever, just until you get well. Take the dose or they will not work.

The effects you are feeling right now and NOT the pills.

its probably to do with how anxious and upset you have been the last few days. your body is trying to deal with all that tension.

let the tablets take effect, at least 3-4 weeks. by that point any negative side effects will have passed, and you should be feeling the benefits.

Dont give up now.

take the dose given, take it every day, and you will soon feel like you again.

we cant help you by being all gentle and kind 'oh just take half, oh give up now' THAT WONT HELP YOU!!

speak to your HV and ask about any pnd support groups. speak to other mums who have PND.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Your doctor will probably inform your HV.

As someone said earlier, you obviously haven't hit rock bottom yet otherwise you would take ANYTHING to get better - or at least give it a fair go.

Where are you based OP? Millions of us have suffered PND, we can help you.

You need to just give yourself over to those tablets for a while and let them do their job. Do you have anyone who can help you at home over the next few weeks to allow you to do that? When I got PND I needed actual practical help that took away some of the burden.

Stepping away from thread..........

Yes, as it's so unlikely they would have reached your system yet. The symptoms are from anxiety or depression.

"Maybe these just aren't the tablets for me. Is it really that hard to believe?"

So you have taken one today? That is fantastic. Now think about something else until it's time for you to take the next one tomorrow. What are your interests? What have you enjoyed in your life so far?

argh just checked my tablets, i am now on Fluoxetine not paroxetine. i was on paroxetine till mid august, and once i got past thosefew weeks of feeling weird, my god the benefits were amazing. i didnt cry over the fact someone looked at me. i didnt get angry over every little thing.

they didnt make me a zombie, but they just took the edge off nicely.

i worried about the side effects a lot. but looked into it more, as i am now older than when i first took them 12years ago, the benefits outweighed the risks.

to et rid of that juddering feeling you have right now, can u go for a walk? bundle little one into a pram and just get rid of some energy. like i said its probably a lot of stress being released and andrelin due to getting some help.

OP, there's a thing called serotonin syndrome, which is a jiggly sort of "speed" feeling some people get when taking SSRIs. I had it again a fortnight ago, when I got my dose increased.

It wears off as soon as your brain adjusts to the meds - basically, when they start doing what they're for :) Bear with it, it doesn't last longer than a week. I find that doing stretches and cutting out coffee helps while I have the 'jiggles'.

Do put up with it, please, it means they're working!

oh dear........
There is only so far we can all come OP, you have to go the rest of the way yourself which clearly you dont want to do right now. Keep with the tablets, take it a day at a time, christ take it an hour at a time if you need to.

But it sounds as if you are trying to come up with excuses for this not to work. Change prescription if you need to but do not give up.

OP- people are trying to help

You have reached out to them for help, they are trying to give it.

You can choose to take or leave their advice, but they don't deserve to be told to f**k off.

You are trying to sabotage it. I have seen this before in people. I am afraid you won't properly reach out or accept help until you have hit rock bottom

Agree with everything LQ said.

Just not physically possible for you to get any side effects yet...the (half) tablet wont even have passed into your blood stream!!!

Why half???? Why do through all....this....and only take half??

You seem determined this isnt going to work for you.

Take a whole tablet.

Yes, I may make you feel slightly "switched off" but it will also switch off the bad stuff.

We're not going to off, OP. You're feeling negative which is part of your illness. Please direct any energy you can find (including the energy to tell people to off) into your recovery instead. You CAN do it.

my asterisks got edited!

I felt a bit 'buzzy' for the first week or so after starting anti-d's, but it settled down after a week or so and quite literally they ended up saving my life. You really need to start taking responsibility for your own health here, you will not get better on your own with PND (IMO), you really need to give the meds a chance to work by taking the correct dosage for a month at least ( nine took three weeks to kick in). Whats your alternative really? I'm sure you don't want to feel as shit as this for the rest of your life, especially when PND is so easily curable.