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Antenatal/postnatal depression

Our Antenatal and Postnatal Depression forum is a supportive space where you can share your postnatal depression experiences.

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Original poster

I spend every day angry or crying. I've got PND and I don't know what to do

609 replies

awfulmumshithead · 27/09/2011 15:29

I can't go to the doctor. I CAN'T.

I won't take tablets. I WON'T.

I shout at everyone. I can't cope. I can't sleep at night. I don't know if it's depression or if I'm going mad.

I'm a regular. I've changed my name.

I just want to kill myself. I'm supposed to be happy.

I think I can cope for a day or two and then something goes wrong like I lose something and it makes me so angry. It makes me so angry that I can't stop shaking. I shout at my husband and my baby. Then I get so upset that I slap myself in the face because I hate being alive and being such an awful person. Then I feel nothing. Then I just want to sleep. Maybe a day later I feel like I'll just magically fix everything only it always goes wrong and I get angry again.

My family would be better off without me. I know they would.

Please, please, please don't tell me to go to the doctor. I don't want anyone to know what a failure I am.

OP posts:
Meteorite · 28/09/2011 11:07

Yes, take a whole one. You need to build up the amount in your system at the correct rate so you can feel better.

BettyBum · 28/09/2011 11:09

Tell us what they are. Pericyazine??

Very very well done. You have guts.

lizzie83 · 28/09/2011 11:09

I have had depression on and off for over 10 years but convinced myself I wouldn't relapse after having my son because being my mum was all I wanted to be. Anyway, my partner kept trying to tell me to go to the doctors but I wouldn't listen. I was angry all the time and thought myself as a failure. Anyway, I eventually went to the doctors was put on citalopram and saw a counsellor. It really helped - I can't stress enough. My health visitor also came round once a week to talk. Now 2 years on I am my old self. No one need know you have gone to the doctors or that you are on tablets. I know this may sound harsh and I don't mean it to but if you don't try to get better and you know you have PND then you are failing your family. My denial and my stubbornness to try and solve the problem myself very nearly cost me m family and me and my partner are only just getting back to normal. My only regret is that I didn't go to the doctor sooner. I thought many times that my family would be better off with out me and even left I am just glad I came back. I really do hope this helps.

misdee · 28/09/2011 11:09

if its the same one i'm on, you wont be able to split it. its a capsule. take the whole one. i find it makes me a bit drowsey atm, so take it in the evening.

pleasephone · 28/09/2011 11:19

:) So pleased to hear you have some medication. You have done the first hardest step. Swallowing a pill should be easy now! Very proud of you. YOU HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING. Every day is now a step towards feeling better. Some downs will still be bad ones but long term you are on the right path. Keep posting for advice and listen to what the doctors tell you x

Meteorite · 28/09/2011 11:21

Have you taken it yet OP?

averagemumbumhead · 28/09/2011 11:34

Well done babyheave! Good luck to us both. What have you got to take? Are you getting anything off them yet?

I've got paroxetine. Sounds brutal. I have had half of one just this second. Hmm it didn't come with an information leaflet! I'm a bit scared to google it.

CaveMum · 28/09/2011 11:35

Is it worth showing your DH this thread? He might want to ask some questions himself about what he can do to help you.

Do take the whole pill, if after a few days you don't like the side effects then call the Dr again and ask for a change in prescription. It might take a few attempts to find the pill that works best for you.

misdee · 28/09/2011 11:36

i have paroxetine. how did u split it? its a capsule.

Xiaoxiong · 28/09/2011 11:44

Take a whole one.

Taking a half of one to see if you have side effects is like reading a review of a recipe online where they say "I halved the specified amount of flour and butter and my cake was totally rank, there is clearly something wrong with the recipe."

Just like you don't know whether the recipe works unless you follow it, you won't know whether the dosage works for you unless you follow your prescription. If you have side effects, they will adjust the dose to make it better for you - but they won't know unless you followed the dose the first time. You're doing so well today, you can do it, go ambh! Smile

PS thanks for keeping the same initials for your new name as I have been lurking on the thread and calling you amb-HUH in my head Smile - can I suggest awesomemum,byjove! or amazingmumbumblingalong, or alwaysmakingbeautifulbrownies, or averagemumbynight Smile

averagemumbumhead · 28/09/2011 11:45

This one was a little tablet that you snap in half.

Er I'm a bit freaked out after googling it. I'm really not keen on the idea of taking it at all now

misdee · 28/09/2011 11:45

ah just googled. u must have a different dose.

take the whole dose though. the dose may need tweaking but you wont know unless u take the whole pill.

misdee · 28/09/2011 11:47

dont google side effects!!

Meteorite · 28/09/2011 11:47

Think about the "side effects" of not taking it though, OP.

ViviPru · 28/09/2011 11:50

"I'll probably just ignore her though. I really can't handle her flowery baby led weaning head to one side collection of pine cones shoes off parlour of perfect mums"

OP you should write. Write write write while you get through this. You're good at it. Here, somewhere else, on the walls if you have to but I think you should write. Rooting for you.

WomansWeekly · 28/09/2011 11:54

why instead of fighting against everyone trying to help, dont you just do what they say and take the recommended dosage?

if you put the same effort into getting well as you are putting into staying unwell and not following instructions, you will be better off. Everyone ISNT against you. They are NOT doing stuff to make you feel worse. Do it for your kid if you cant be bothered with yourself.

Sorry, I dont do hugs and hunz

Meteorite · 28/09/2011 11:57

OP, all medicines seem to have a list of side-effects as long as your arm, on their leaflets. I believe they have to mention every possible side-effect that anyone has ever reported.

The depression will be making you feel negative about everything including the medicine you've been given. This does not mean it isn't the correct medicine for you.

Please get yourself a nice cup of tea/coffee or glass of water/juice and take one tablet. Then post here that you've done it, and we can congratulate you and help you through the rest of the day :)

valiumredhead · 28/09/2011 11:59

Paraxotine/Seroxat is a wonder drug as far as I am concerned. They ALL have side affects, every single one of them. Just take the dose that the GP prescribed you. IIRC the side affects I got were awful leg cramps and restlessness but they soon went away very quickly.

I agree with what WomansWeekly said - you put So much energy into fighting. Try and channel that energy into getting well for your family :)

averagemumbumhead · 28/09/2011 12:00

Vivipru you know I always wanted to write but I could never think of a story!

I feel a bit different now. I don't think these are the tablets for me though. I know- group sigh. But I'm getting chattering teeth. And the side effects- significant weight gain and sexual dysfunction?? They do know I'm already depressed, right?

AKMD · 28/09/2011 12:02

If you don't think these tablets are for you, call the GP and ask for something else that you will take.

valiumredhead · 28/09/2011 12:05

It's very hard to support someone who won't give medical treatment a fair go.

Chattering teeth? What does that mean?

Sorry OP, but at some point you are going to have to take some responsibility for yourself and your own well being. How on earth do you know that this medicine isn't the right one for you?

worraliberty · 28/09/2011 12:11

OP are you sure it's depression you're suffering from and not a different type of disorder?

Did the Doc actually give you a formal diagnosis?

Witchofthenorth · 28/09/2011 12:11

i suggest you try to get through one week, only seven days, of these tablets at the prescribed dose....if you still feel funny about them, phone your doctor and get them to change the meds. And in all honesty, when I have through my bouts of depression, sexual dysfunction was the last thing i worreid about.....that said i am glad you still have your sense of humour:)

All tablets, every single one has side effects, the pain killers I am on for my SPD have side effects but I need to take them or I cant walk. You need to take your tablets or you will not function properly.

Step away from Google.....it is only the God of all things when you dont use it for self diagnosis or side effect checking!

averagemumbumhead · 28/09/2011 12:14

They're making me feel like the last AD's I tried. I took them for six weeks and it was horrible. I will take the whole course of these if I really have to. It's just that I won't take them for a second longer than necessary. Chattering teeth, like when it's cold outside and your teeth knock together? My arms and legs feel twitchy. I feel on edge. Weird headache. I wouldn't be able to squeeze a tear out but I don't think I could crack a smile either.

They just aren't for everyone. They make me feel like I've been at a bad party for too long. Yes, that's preferable to how I have been feeling but it's not a lifestyle choice.

lollington · 28/09/2011 12:15

have you taken it? I am confused.