To not want to babysit friend's kid

I remember someone many years ago saying they were "unavailable" whilst asked to do something when they were on the phone.

They ended the call and turned to me and said into the phone "unavailable to YOU".

It was a learning moment.

You can be "unavailable" for something or someone, anytime you like WITHOUT explanation.

You can have "plans", and those "plans" can be to sit on your arse doing nothing.

We have zero obligation to be available to other people and we have zero obligation to provide and excuse to be unavailable to other people.

"I'm not free" is enough, even if it is "I'm not free" for YOU.

Life gets a lot easier when you start to think like this.

It's ok to say NO.

Thankfully OP doesn’t ‘have to agree’ to anything and has already said no. Mind blown huh!

It’s not unreasonable if she gives plenty of notice

Do it this time as you have already said yes, but have an excuse ready for if they ask you again so you can say no next time.

Maybe have a saying when they ask you if you are free on x date? Say 'Ah no I think we've got something planned for that weekend, can I get back to you when I've checked'. Then go home 'and check'😉 and then text later and say 'really sorry I checked about x date and we are indeed busy that weekend so I can't babysit sorry'. Then make a real plan for that weekend to cover yourself! 😉

I think someone tried to catch me out with the ....I have plans ....
A couple of people I knew messaged to ask if I was free on 23rd Dec for a meal out with a few people.
I said no sorry I have plans that day.
I wasn't lying,I i always clean my house from top to bottom on 23rd Dec,wrap last minute presents etc.
One of the ladies turned up at my door that evening with some flowers (which I found a bit strange coming from her)
She said oh I didn't expect to find you in you said you had plans.
I said I do ,cleaning the house.
I asked why she came round when she had presumed I was out,didn't get an answer for that one.
Then off she went to meet the others.

But like has been said it is perfectly fine to have plans whatever they are

I don’t get why anyone deserves a break from their child to the detriment of an unrelated adult?

OP deserves her free time.

If you don’t want to be responsible for a child 24/7 for 13 odd years, maybe more depending on how sensible child turns out to be. Consider getting a cat instead.

I wouldn’t ask relatives never mind friends to babysit for me for nine hours because I fancied a jolly and didn't want to be paying for childcare.
And my little darlings don’t go around shitting in cupboards and hiding it.

it’s fabulous MN is filled with people willing to be free childcare for others. Maybe one of them lives near OP & can offer to be childcare.

Also I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with some random teenager looking after my small child. Just my opinion.*

This is why I have zero sympathy for parents claiming to be housebound or suffering from lack of respite from kids.

We survived many many evenings random teen babysitters and I was one myself; at 14 I was sitting for infants, in the evening, and that was before mobile phones existed.

An eight year old will be fine with a teen sitter. Or, stay home. But don't try to suck up the leisure time of friends due to irrational fears about paid childminders.

And that’s your opinion and your choice, I too was a teen babysitter (but mainly for people who were deffo less responsible as parents than I was as a teen tbh! Another story!) but I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable asking a teenager I didn’t really know to look after my kid. I am lucky enough to have parents who I can ask on the odd occasion I go out so have never felt the need to ask any friends (or teens!) to look after my kid. But my own friend is a single Mum with no family nearby, so I help her out now and again. But as I’ve said it’s OPs prerogative and there’s no judgement here, she can do what she likes and the kid sounds like a horror, didn’t realise they were 8 either I guessed about 4. This was just my take on it 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Just say sorry I've been thinking about this and have to decline. Say it will be too much for you. You've done years of looking after children and it's too tiring now. Just be firm. She can't force you to do it. It's a request not an order.

OP I'd be distancing myself from her now. Just polite hi hello and swerve

You won't need to worry about the mess (possible damage - or shit in wardrobes) so much in their house.

In fact, not leaving it too tidy might put you further down the list for next time.😈

If you are at their house - it does demonstrate that you are not just able to get on with your own day and it was 'no trouble' to do 9 hours baby-sitting.

(There will be a next time. Have your line ready and be firm.)

Your line is:

"That date rings a bell, I'm sure I have something booked - I will check and let you know but don't think I can."

I mean really, its a case of determining whose free time is more valuable to you - yours or theirs. I work term time so would probably help out on the odd occasion in the school holidays but would absolutely say no when working - my weekends are sacred!

8/9 hours is a long time! It’s an entire day you are giving up. I would never place that burden on a friend. Nor expectation.
There are plenty of options to get babysitting.

my husband and I don’t have family close by. It does mean it’s harder as we don’t have grandparents close by, but it means we fully appreciate more what it means to get help.

If it’s a couple of hours I might ask a friend, but any more becomes a burden, and I would rather pay someone.

it’s fine to say no, without needing to explain yourself.

Next time use the words of The Great Phoebe Buffay,

'I wish I could, but I don't want to!'

Well I'm glad you've said you can't do it because it was a bit of a piss take but will your DH back up your lie or is he likely to drop you in it?

So love this.

@Melmi256 have you told them you aren't able to do it yet ?

You have already said yes it’s weeks away and it’s only one time
she is your friend and yes, you had no childcare however remember yourself in that situation. It’s just the one occasion just say no to Further occasions
I think you’re being a bit over the top I wouldn’t stay friends with you if I were her

@rainbowstardrops how was it a piss take for ops friend, to ask whether she can babysit her child? Surely friends and family ask around when they need a babysitter? Have you never asked for help ? When Mums come on here moaning that they don’t have childcare. The first thing people say here is ask friends and family which is exactly what the friend did all OP had to say was no . 🙄

Also, I’m not really sure why you’re calling this person your friend you have come on here and bitched about her and her child in several different posts. Why don’t you just go the whole hog and tell her you don’t want to be friends anymore? go back and read the posts you’ve made about this and really consider why she would with you had she read all this
her crime was to ask you to babysit for a day, ( which is what friends do btw - ask) you could have said no, instead you said yes , bitch, and complain about her and her child on the Internet, then told her no. U really do sound a sort, and I hope she reads this somehow realises it’s you and cuts you off. It’s completely okay to say no, but not what you have done on here

It’s a piss take because the friend’s child is a feral brat who shits in wardrobes.

After 9 hours of babysitting the brat, OP would have lost the entire day of a precious weekend and also ended up with a dirty and messy house.

You think it’s for OP’s sake that the friend wants OP to look after her son in OP’s house? Because I don’t.

I think OP is well away from this friendship.

@CherryMaDeara but you don’t know that do you that is just OPs word to justify being an arse
first of all, she didn’t have to agree to it, so I’m not sure what your ranting about
secondly why is she even making out? She is friends with this person when she called at the child IT. It is the OP who sounds like a disgusting friend. Lots of People have messy houses. Babysitting for a day is not unusual/ after all the working day is eight or nine hours so what’s the difference
That’s some way to talk about a child - and a Freinds child at that
OP is banging on about how much she likes this friend, and would do anything for her, another post slags her off
One thing I can’t stand, and that is two-faced people
all OO had to do was say no, instead she’s come on Mumsnet to bitch about her friend and her friends child , then say she cares about this friend and would do anything for her, oh please . Op is obviously all over the gaffe a rubbish friend and unhinged by the sound of it . Its the friend who is better off without. 😂

If you do keep him don’t be afraid to discipline him. Insist he stays in the living room/ kitchen. Chuck him out in the garden if it’s dry and lock the door( only half joking).
If he messes about/ breaks anything, make sure you inform his parents.
I couldn’t look after a child who irritated me.

But all we ever have on MN is the OP’s word.

If you don’t believe the OP then what is the point in even engaging with the thread.

Some children are just a pain to look after. 9
hours of this sounds like hell.