To not want to babysit friend's kid

Could you just say something has come up and you can’t do it? Or say sorry you won’t be able to babysit full stop because you can’t commit to being available? Something to make sure they don’t ask again

sorry I didn’t read updates!!!

You’ve said yes over a week ago so I think you should do it. But you know that you find it hard to say no, so don’t agree to any more. And you don’t have to give a reason! If they ask why “I’m just not able to babysit on x date.” If they - or others - continue to press then maybe something along the lines of “I really enjoy planning last minute days/evenings out so I’m just not sure what I’ll have on” and keep repeating!

You’ve agreed already. That was silly. Say no you have plans, even if you don’t.

Always amazes me how very free people are with other people's time (and money, and houses) on here.

It's not about whether she likes the child or not, it's about the imposition. It's a quite different thing visiting a child and his/her parents, when you might get along fine, than to be in sole charge - for 9 hours! (plus however long they decide to stay for an extra drink or three because they know their good friend is looking after child and it won't even cost them extra for a couple more hours... been there, done that, stopped doing it. I was the babysitter, not the CF parent, in case that wasn't clear!).

I'd also say if you've got a couple of early-to-mid-teens you're not completely off the hook for your own family's needs, although getting there.

I'd do this for a friend and try to make the best of it, go to the cinema, McDonalds etc. You'll be better prepared to say no next time I expect!

Trouble being doing it once opens the floodgates for another time and so on

Good start OP. The more you practice firmly saying NO!, no matter how polite, to anything, the easier it gets and the less stressful your life becomes. And don't be blackmailed by someone who knows you well enough to know what buttons to press. 🌹

I can't say no unless I am prepared with a line. Write one or two answers into your phone and before saying no, look them up. At the moment I am frustrated by the amount of things I have to do because I am weak. I would definitely say to them that this is a 'one time only' and please not to ask you again.

What, quality shitting in the wardrobe time?

friendships don’t have to revolve around children, or willingness to babysit.

Gosh you sound like my mom

…’Well I never had any help’ erm yeah so why not be a better person and make life easier for someone else you care about?

If she’s taking the pee and asking all of the time absolutely not but I really don’t think one day will hurt

Sorry but this one really hits a nerve with me. If you’ve had kids of your own and had no support then you know how hard it is and how much they probably need a break. I’m sure they would ask someone else if they had anyone else to ask.

Completely agree.

How easy it appears for SOME people to do this.

In my experience good friends have never ever tried this, but CF users will often try it.

The idea that any woman with a day to herself would want to take on the minding of a full on 9 year old, is a joke.

Not a chance would me or any of my circle entertain this.
Only a CF would even try and corner her friends and do this.

OP, when the penny drops that a person is actually rather calculating in their actions and requests, can you be firmer in YOUR boundaries.

“Shitting in the wardrobe” not heard that before.

Anyhow, friends help whenever they can. Like I said it’s a one off and there are no plans.

I must just be lucky ‘cause on a one off my friends help and I help them on “one offs”

My friends are also comfortable telling me if they can’t do it straight up, likewise, and it’s always respected.

We all just have different friendships I guess. I hope my friends will always feel comfortable asking me to watch their kids. To be honest, I actually want to spend time with them. Again that’s just me.

“Shitting in the wardrobe” not heard that before."

You would have if you had read the thread.

my friends help and I help them on “one offs”

So it’s reciprocal for you, which is different to the OP’s situation. OP doesn’t need childcare and she doesn’t like her friend’s child, which is absolutely fine. It’s not obligatory to like every child.

Not at all. I had my children later than most of my friends and they still knew they could ask if needed. If I could do it I would, Or If not I would just say no.

You’re right, you don’t have to like your friends kids. But I think that depending on the type of friendship, it probably would mot be a close one if you didn’t like the persons kids In which case it should be easy to just say no.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is you help your friends out when you can whatever the situation. The kid is 9. At the age send with snacks, maybe order a takeaway for your kid and friend and an iPad/switch, it really isn’t much of a hassle. She’s not asking every week.

Again, that’s really just me. If there is something that I can do for one day to help a friend why not.

Say “Hello friend, I have been thinking about your request that I look after Mary when you go to ….I am very sorry, but I really cannot make this commitment. My weekends are precious these days and I cannot spare a whole day on 1st Nov. Besides I am not sure I will be able to entertain Mary for such a long time. (leave that out if it doesn’t fit) I am sorry to disappoint you but I am sure you will find somebody far more suitable. See you soon love ???

I think you think you sound like a cool friend but in reality you sound clueless about OP’s situation.

So she has the audacity to question you about your shift change when you say no!!?

She really is one entitled cheeky fucker.

I don’t think YABU for not wanting to take care of the kid. Any kid that has a reputation of being a sneaky wardrobe shitter would not be one I’d care to spend much time with.

But YWBU not to say “no” straight off, or even just to say you’ll consult your calendar. And you know those brass neck types, they won’t pick up on the hint that you might be slightly less than keen. Have a good answer prepared for any possible next time!

OP they may be your friends but they are also piss takers.

If you don’t like the child I think it’s best for you both that you don’t look after them. As for all the comments about “what if the child is ND” etc…. Maybe their parents shouldn’t be so willing to fob them off if this is the case. Perhaps the poor behaviour is attention seeking as parents aren’t as present as they should be…..

Absolutely backtrack on this one. I would ordinarily have agreed to stick with what you had agreed to, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realised I have no requirement to please other people and I deserve to be happy too.

Enjoy your day, don’t spoil your week dreading the day ahead.

I'm sorry but you're not a real friend, more of a fair weather type. And as for your comments re the child they're pathetic. For the child's sake you should cancel.

Shitting yourself is embarrassing at any age and it sounds to me like he could have had an accident and tried to hide it, rather than bad behaviour with the wardrobe situation.

9 hours is a long time to look after a child that's not yours, and I would say to the parents you are worried about the length of time and having to entertain a child for that long. I'd say yes to babysitting to help out a friend, even if it was inconvenient for me, but 9 hours is too much.

Meh, friends don’t zero in on a soft touch to land them with nine hours of childcare.

I do agree OP should have just said no straight away, but then just because I don’t struggle with that doesn’t mean it’s the same for others.

my friends know I don’t ‘do’ childcare, so they don’t ask me (doesn’t mean I won’t or don’t do others things for them). Friendship isn’t, or doesn’t have to be, contingent on childcare or bonding with children.

if you are really committed to doing it, say you’ll come to theirs for the day and child can shit in their own wardrobe, break own stuff etc.

You've agreed to do it.