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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to babysit friend's kid

449 replies

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 13:56

Im finally at a stage in life where my kids are slightly older and have regained a bit of freedom .. when they were younger we had no family support for childcare so just made sacrifices.

Now my hubby and I can start having date nights etc as children are older.

I have a friend with a young child who is same situation (no childcare) which my eldest child used to babysit for she enjoyed the extra money .. but now she works full time so is unable.

I’ve now been asked to babysit while they go to a 8/9 hour event ..obviously for free … I don’t particularly enjoy looking after their child. It’s a few weeks away so I don’t have plans … but I also think it’s now taken the opportunity away from me to make any plans ,I’m quite last minute I like to get to the weekend and see what I fancy doing.

i don’t want to do it and they don’t seem to realise me babysitting means I can’t actually enjoy my weekend ? They are probably thinking great and as it’s friend as won’t even need to pay now.

im swinging between saying I don’t want to do it (not sure how ?) as I’d quite like to make my owns plans … but I’m peeved to be asked as I’ve gone through years of not having childcare of my own and now I don’t need it I don’t want to look after anyone’s else kids !

maybe I’m being mean and it’s once but I feel if I do it … I’ll probably get asked more often.

I was uncomfortably put on the spot being asked and so kinda had to agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 18:16

@Quitelikeit no you’ve got it completely wrong 😑I don’t want her to suffer there are teens round here always looking for babysitting jobs to earn cash - they just don’t want that option .

The reason I referred to my never having childcare is because my kids are an age where I don’t require it’s now 15 and 13 so I value my freedom and not being tied to childcare anymore (NOT because I think oh I didn’t so she shouldn’t) and therefore don’t want to start for someone else !

OP posts:
Ishallgototheball · 03/09/2023 18:16

You’ve stood up up for yourself, we’ll done.

In future it’s so simple.
You say no.

Never ever give a reason.

Don’t say I can’t or I won’t, just say no.

When they ask you again, because you know they will, you just say ‘no thank you’

If you ever say yes they’ll ask you a hundred more times on a hundred more occasions hoping to bully you into it.

Ignore everyone suggesting your jealousy or bitterness: your time is yours to decide how to use, no-one else’s.

good on you for saying no

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 03/09/2023 18:20

So glad you said no. If you had have said yes and done it she would really 100% have asked you again.

HowToSaveAWife · 03/09/2023 18:21

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:56

She has just replied with oh ok and thought my shifts are scheduled monthly ?!! Which they are normally but I’m shocked she has questioned it don’t feel I have to justify this ! As it’s does happen occasionally!

and then… but no problem hopefully I can find Someone else as we’ve committed to going now - wtf I know for a fact they’d committed before asking me !!!

I wouldn't justify it, I'd leave it hanging there like a cold shite.

Who the fuck is she 😂😂😂 9hrs free babysitting and she thinks she can question you 😂😂😂

aloris · 03/09/2023 18:22

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:56

She has just replied with oh ok and thought my shifts are scheduled monthly ?!! Which they are normally but I’m shocked she has questioned it don’t feel I have to justify this ! As it’s does happen occasionally!

and then… but no problem hopefully I can find Someone else as we’ve committed to going now - wtf I know for a fact they’d committed before asking me !!!

You said you MIGHT be able to do it and she took it as a yes. But let's ignore that. Her responses are classic manipulation: that she's questioning whether u really have another obligation because if you are "free" then you are obligated to do the thing she wants. And the claim that she committed based on your "yes" when you know she had committed before she heard from you. These are all textbook. There are people who will use your good nature to get what they want from you and they don't really care how it affects you.

JanoirLondon · 03/09/2023 18:24

Just swallow up..you've said you will do it. A pain in arse but DH is going
Just be careful not to say yes next time
I'm sure they are really grateful!
One off..be strong with stating this or it may harm friendship

NZBride · 03/09/2023 18:25

Agree - you said you’ll do it so it’s not fair to back out now..

PeachyPeachTrees · 03/09/2023 18:28

Well done for saying no. Good to have a line ready for when you're put on the spot in future. 9 hours free babysitting for a non emergency is also something I wouldn't agree to. I personally think it's a big ask for a teenage babysitter, that's a long time.

bluejumping · 03/09/2023 18:35

Oh god, 9 hours is taking the piss

I would NEVER ask this of anyone unless they also have a child similar age where they can entertain each other

nomadmummy · 03/09/2023 18:44

I would absolutely hate to know that I left my child in the care of someone that did not like caring for my child.

-the end

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 03/09/2023 18:47

I’m maybe going against the grain here but given that you know what it’s like to not have childcare and how precious child free time is would it be the worst thing in the world to do something kind for your friend and have their child for the day so they can let their hair down a bit? Isn’t that what friendship is about?

Original poster
Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 18:52

@Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme I would if they weren’t so naughty (which the parents don’t see , think they are an Angel) don’t discipline
Im not sure if you also read it not that they haven’t had many child free weekends they have ! But they exhausted all other friends and now it’s my turn to be asked - not like she hasn’t been out in years

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 18:53

@Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme and yes child free time is precious, that’s why I like to enjoy mine without being saddled with someone’s naughty child.

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 18:54

@nomadmummy yes I agree, I’m pretty sure me never voluntarily offering to babysit should be a big hint

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 18:55

@NZBride i said “might”

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 18:57

@HowToSaveAWife haha brilliant yes I’m not explaining I’m just
ignoring it !

OP posts:
Foxface21 · 03/09/2023 18:59

How about you do it this time. Be a good friend. As you know what it’s like having no childcare. But next time have you’re excuse ready. As I’m with you and like my weekends to myself.

jolaylasofia · 03/09/2023 19:01

i'd call her and say you really don't feel competent to have the child for 9 hours but will do 4 hours of the evening if they want to go together to the dinner.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2023 19:07

Melmi256 · 02/09/2023 14:17

@Crimblecrumble1990 yes they are good friends so I will do it this once.
I don’t want to because it’s a good 9 hours.
My husband is out that day so it would have been a nice opportunity to go out and spend the time doing something with my own children.
The child is extremely annoying , whiney and not well behaved, jumps on sofas, goes around picking things up in the house , decor items and bending and breaking things.

So babysit at theirs.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/09/2023 19:11

Melmi256 · 03/09/2023 17:56

She has just replied with oh ok and thought my shifts are scheduled monthly ?!! Which they are normally but I’m shocked she has questioned it don’t feel I have to justify this ! As it’s does happen occasionally!

and then… but no problem hopefully I can find Someone else as we’ve committed to going now - wtf I know for a fact they’d committed before asking me !!!

She is still cheeky!

Well done for getting out of it though and enjoy your weekend.

billy1966 · 03/09/2023 19:14

HowToSaveAWife · 03/09/2023 18:21

I wouldn't justify it, I'd leave it hanging there like a cold shite.

Who the fuck is she 😂😂😂 9hrs free babysitting and she thinks she can question you 😂😂😂

Show quote history

This.

You have just had confirmation what a real CF she is.

Questioning you is proof of this, real CF territory.

Do not reply.

Absolutely no need.

With my friend, the issue is now being told that she has somehow disappointed them??

She is a lovely woman and THAT has now sparked her irritation and distaste.

She is happily away on holidays and hoping they rethink as she takes space.

She certainly doesn't want to lose her friend, but she is not impressed.

Poppingmad123 · 03/09/2023 19:15

Hmm well you said yes so it’s a bit shitty to back out now. If they had booked the event without a babysitter at the time, then they must have had some plan in mind, if you had said no. Perhaps you can ask them if they had a plan b? And say in advance, I forgot how hard it is looking after young kids. I’ll do it this time if you don’t have anyone else but I really can’t do it again I’m afraid. I’m just too old for it. Lesson for you not to just say yes when put on the spot.

Lemondrizzleandacuppa · 03/09/2023 19:19

@Melmi256 I’m glad to hear that you won’t find anything horrid lurking in your wardrobes now you’ve said no! Well done for being brave enough to refuse.

Next time (and they will ask again) say no straight away and don’t give any excuses or explanations.

WallaceinAnderland · 03/09/2023 19:19

Well done OP. I bet you feel like a massive weight has been lifted. She might not like it but she'll get over it.

No need to respond to her reply. It's out of yours hands now and you are better prepared for the next time she asks. I think it will be best to make sure she understands you don't want to do any babysitting. It's fine to say that.

DaggerIsle · 03/09/2023 19:20

They're 2 of them! They could easily do the sports and one of them skip the piss up! 9 hours is mad.