Note from MNHQ: please note OP's post @ 19.08 on 22 Jan. The OP has admitted this is a reverse but we are leaving this thread up so they continue to receive advice. Inheritance money - AIBU to be p*ssed off?

See, with all of these suspicions and aspersions cast at FIL, he should just wash his hands of the matter. Turn the kids over to care and enjoy his retirement.

It's bizarre that putting them into care is the right option for many posters.

What a grasping thread OP

why on earth are YOU pissed off? It’s got nothing to do with you. Unless you’re worries about losing your share 🙄

So fil already has half the money and is hassling a dying woman for the other half?
Has he already spent the first half?
If not then he needs to set up a trust fund for the dc, claim benefits and presumably the dc will inherit the second half sooner rather than later.

Yes, he's doing a good thing raising the dc but he needs to leave his sd alone.

FFS, she's lost her mum and brother and is dying. Just leave her be. 50% is 50% more than he is entitled to

I would concede that he is maybe being kindly in acting as guardian to the children. But this still does not mean he has any right to take money that belongs to other people. He has no more right to take money off these orphaned children than he does off me or you or to rob a bank.

The money should be in a trust, with an independent trustee who can decide whether any money should be used now or whether it ought to remain where it is until they reach adulthood.

@MuthaHubbard but the gc are entitled to 50%.

It's bizarre to me that people think those kids he didn't create are his responsibility, yet he should happily give up half the wealth he created.

This.

Wow - so many tragic events in one family. Your husband must be devastated.

What age are the children and the FIL?

@Aprilx do you think it would be better for the dc to go into care?

The sister is entitled to 50% as it was legally her mums money. However I know I would contribute to raising nephews & nieces if anything happened to my siblings.

She supported him to do whatever he did to create the wealth. My own husband would have nowhere near the career outcomes he has if I hadn't given up so much myself and he'd had to step in and do half the stuff I did. This is true of many women. It's such a shame we undervalue the contribution of the spouse so much, especially when it's very real but just invisible.

Nope sorry!

With family members in his ears no doubt 🙄

I honestly don’t think one single person has said that the children are his responsibility. Of course they are not, but he has decided to take on responsibility. That is good of him, but it doesn’t mean he can take what is rightfully theirs.

I honestly do not know how so many people think that this is an option. You cannot just take other people’s money because you think you deserve it.

As to giving up half his wealth, well assets get split when people divorce after a long marriage. Have you really never heard that before? You must be living under a rock.

I dont understand what this has to do with you. Ex wive"s money all went to the daughter (no will) when morally I feel 50% of it should have been shared between the children of the dead son. It's them I feel sorry for. Their Nan and their Mum dies then their Dad has a breakdown and can't cope. They go to live with their Grandad then their Dad dies. Their Auntie then snaffles all of Exs inheritance but then relents and passes on 50% to her nibblings.
Sounds fair money wise. Why do you think Auntie should give her inheritance to your FIL? Of course in other ways lifes been incredibly unfair on these two and I'm pleased your FIL felt able to fulfil this parenting role. I'm imagining they're older children and it doesn't seem unreasonable that some of their money could be offset against living expenses. Is your FIL acting as a trustee?
What this really sounds like is you think FIL divorce settlement was unfair. That's a shame....and irrelevant. BTW FIL sounds like he has a wonderful close relationship with his grandchildren. Don't assume his everything's coming to your husband when he's gone. I know someone who's jumped a generation and left everything to his grandchildren!

Does it matter what you think she should do 'morally'?

You can't go to court and say Mumsnet said morally she should hand it over so I want you to make her!

You can't go to her house and say the same.

Your dad was entitled to the grand total of fuck all and still she gave him half. You need to stop sniffing around for the rest.

Is this the daughter who inherited the money and is gifting 50%?

She has been thoughtful to give 50% for the up bringing of the children. I think it's morally the right thing to do (would have likely been what her mother wanted had she written a will) although not legally required.

I would advise your FIL is nice to her rather than messaging a list of reasons asking for more now! Perhaps she will want to leave money to the grandchildren in her will. Less likely if he pisses her off.

If the 50% Is given as a gift, rather than a variation of the will, there may be inheritance tax to pay should she die within 7 years.

I don’t think the children should go to whomever is willing to take them on the proviso they get to keep the orphaned children’s inheritance for themselves. Do you?

TBH the distribution of money sounds correct.

FIL and ex wife 2 were married for a long time so assets/money were split 50:50.

Your FIL has no more say what happens to that money. I am glad the DC's aunt has given them 50% of the inheritance, it sounds like they will be getting more money soon due to her terminal diagnosis.

I would focus on getting the right support for those DC and your FIL. How old is your FIL and how old are the DC he is raising? Sounds like a sad situation for those DC - they are orphans and their aunt will soon die. Can the grandparents on the other side help? Did their mother have any siblings? Sounds like FIL has a lot on his plate

50% is generous of her when it’s legally her money so she didn’t have to hand a dime over. FIL’s choice to altruistically raise non biological grandchildren.

This. I thought you were going to say she refused to give the sons children their share.

I sincerely hope your FIL isn’t keeping that money for himself, it should be kept for those poor children

What did the sister of the children's father say when she handed 50% to the FIL. Did she say, "Here, you can have this to help you raise the children"? Or did she say, "Here's 50% for the children to inherit from their father"? That makes a big difference as to who she was gifting the money to.

Given that he is legally unrelated to the children he should also be speaking to SS to see if they’ll set up kinship payments.

Although presumably he has done something legally? The children aren’t living in a situation where nobody has PR for them?

Surely that boat has long since sailed! The court ruled what was deemed was fair. In a 25 year marriage no-ones going to be splitting hairs. If your FIL felt so strongly why didn't he contest at the time. So now this is being brought up just after the children's Dad has died. Nice