Ok, i think I’ve been busted; I’m the terminally ill aunt. I know I won’t win any fans but I genuinely didn’t know these were not allowed so I’m sorry for that. But this has helped me so much that I’m still glad I did it. I was so upset when I first got my dads text after sending him the money, that I cried for two days. I just wanted everything to be over, and for a few brief moments because it’s no fun suffocating to death either and my life is pretty much endless in-patient stays and pain, I considered ending everything.
The reason I did it this way was because I didn’t want to be identified. And it also helped me see my dads point of view. I get it; he lost 50% of what he views as his money pretty close to retirement age and now has two children to bring up. But I know for a fact that he wouldn’t have talked to his “real” son like this. He once told his niece by blood, who he sees once every 5 years or so, that she was the closest thing he had to a daughter. In front of me. I spent most of my childhood in tears, mostly due to him, yet I’m still to this day desperate to win his approval, I just can’t help it. We’ve been at his beck and call many times, like when he needs my husband to do things around his home, or if needs things buying etc. I even loaned him money, which I had to take a loan out for, to stop him losing the home. I never asked for this back over the years and when he did pay me back years later, I never charged him the loan interest (not that he asked). Which is why this episode has really hurt. But even my aunt, who I am really close to, made the comment that my husband shouldn’t inherit my dad’s money.
For those asking why the money didn’t go straight to the children, it was mostly naivety on my part. Having had to supply all the details and death certificates (I also had a sister who died around 20 years ago who didn’t have children), I thought I was doing the decent thing giving half to my dad to help raise the children. I also paid for both funerals/flowers for my mum and brother, and didn’t take any money for this. In the days before my brother died he sent me a text saying that he wanted “at least some of the money” to go to my dad. I think this is because as well as his children living with their granddad at the time of their dads death, my brother felt guilt over some financial dealings he’d previously had with my dad which lead to them not talking. I also thought this way there wouldn’t be any money lost in the legal fees for setting up trusts etc or any of the fuss if the kids want holidays / car lessons etc. etc. I’ve also been doing my best selling furniture and clothes etc belonging to their dad and my mum to give money directly to the children. For prospective, it’s not £100,000’s we’re talking about, and the GC love their granddad. He’s a far better grandparent than a father or husband. But I am concerned that I may not have followed the law, now.
My main reason for wanting to keep the half that I did is because I didn’t die quick enough such that my husband would receive a pay-out by my work when I die.
We rent so there’s no home, either. And my husband does not earn a high wage.
I was made to retire at 33 through Ill health, so the only thing I was allowed to do because I had a life expectancy of less than 12 months, was withdraw the small pension I had accrued. And whilst I was considered the bread winner, i had spent so long at university that I’d only had the pension for two years, so it wasn’t very much at all. So whilst I feel awful “cashing in” on my mums death, I do need this money. Even the bloody dog is unwell and needed a £4.5k operation, which is on a credit card.