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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Note from MNHQ: please note OP's post @ 19.08 on 22 Jan. The OP has admitted this is a reverse but we are leaving this thread up so they continue to receive advice. Inheritance money - AIBU to be p*ssed off?

546 replies

snoozum · 21/01/2023 02:38

What should my FIL do?
Background: my DH's parents divorced when he was a child, and years later FIL met and married his second wife. Second wife had two small children already, who called FIL "dad", although they were not his by blood. After 25 years of marriage, FIL and his second wife divorced fairly acrimoniously. The divorce courts ruled that FIL and ex-wife #2 must split their assets 50:50, with FIL allowed to keep anything that was his before the marriage. FIL worked extremely hard throughout the marriage and financially contributed massively more, with the ex-wife only working full-time for around 5-6 years. FIL was able to stay in the matrimonial home by paying ex-wife #2 50% of its value. Fast-forward 5 years and ex-wife #2 passed away without a will. The son of ex-wife #2 struggled with her death and so his children (his own wife had died a few years previously) went to live with FIL (their grandfather) temporarily. However, before any inheritance was claimed, the son also died. Ex-wife #2 died with most of the money she received in the divorce, in the bank. The ex-wife #2's daughter, who doesn't have children, has therefore inherited all of ex-wife #2's money, which in reality is pretty much all of my FIL's money. My FIL is now bringing up the grandchildren, therefore my DH and my FIL's thoughts are that the daughter should give all of this money back to FIL. However, she has only given back 50% of it. AIBU to think she should give FIL 100% of it, as it was his money to begin with?

OP posts:
Trez1510 · 21/01/2023 05:04

I'm hoping someone recognises this scenario and alerts at least the aunt to this.

That said, I expect the seedy/grubby text questioning her keeping her own inheritance has given her an insight to the motives of this family.

For anyone else recognising the scenario, and not knowing the aunt, social services are your friend in cases like this i.e. financial abuse. 👍

Bellalalala · 21/01/2023 05:05

snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:22

50% didn't go to the children because it would have meant it going in trust and they need the money to be available to them now. FIL is struggling bringing up the children on his pensions, so he was banking on having all the money.

Why was he banking on getting all the money back?

Non of it is his. He isn’t getting any money. That money is for the grandkids. But why on earth did he assume he or the grandkids would get 100%?

Apollonia1 · 21/01/2023 05:30

Those poor children have suffered such loss. Their mother died. Then their granny died. Then their dad was unable to look after them, so they were sent to their grandad. Then their dad died. Now their aunt has terminal cancer.
What age are the children? What will happen when FIL dies.
Absolutely the aunt should not give back her 50% of her mother's estate.

HaroldTheStallion · 21/01/2023 05:36

So basically you and fil are trying to bully a terminally ill woman out of her inheritance- absolutely sickening and you should be extremely ashamed of yourselves.

emptythelitterbox · 21/01/2023 05:38

Still haven't answered what happened to all of FIL's money.

There's massive drip feed somewhere.

Marchitectmummy · 21/01/2023 05:48

So the children have one living relative who is terminally ill and a step grandfather who is focusing on grabbing as much money as he can off of a dying woman with the help from a grabby dil.

Wow, hole a new low.

MyrtleTheTurtleQueen · 21/01/2023 05:53

Her mum and brother have both died and your fil is grasping after her inheritance? Wow. Give the woman a break.

Dragonsmother · 21/01/2023 05:53

I maybe wrong how I have interpreted this.
Aunt got 100%, passed 50% to your FIL.
FIL is struggling and needs £ to look after children. Yet FIL has ££.
Is one side scared that FIL will spend all ££ on kids and there will be nothing left for them to inherit.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/01/2023 05:54

Another good example of why never to marry & mingle finances.

I feel for your FIL. The sister definitely should contribute to the care of those children. Why should he bear the entire burden?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/01/2023 05:56

MyrtleTheTurtleQueen · 21/01/2023 05:53

Her mum and brother have both died and your fil is grasping after her inheritance? Wow. Give the woman a break.

But the inheritance only exists because of him. It's not like her mother did anything to create the wealth.

Why is he rearing the kids?

CJsGoldfish · 21/01/2023 06:03

It is her mothers money NOT your FILs. They were married 25 years and, by the sounds of it, she would have well and truly earned that money.
Your DH and your FIL have NO right to pressure her to give it up. There should be some kind of legal consequence for doing so. What greedy, nasty men.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 21/01/2023 06:08

This is why you shouldn't get married if you aren't prepared to lose half of everything.

Why don't you and your DH offer to help FIL raise his step grandkids?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 21/01/2023 06:15

snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:22

50% didn't go to the children because it would have meant it going in trust and they need the money to be available to them now. FIL is struggling bringing up the children on his pensions, so he was banking on having all the money.

Where in earth would he get this idea from? That’s not how it works. It doesn’t pass back up once it’s been inherited

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 21/01/2023 06:16

But the inheritance only exists because of him. It's not like her mother did anything to create the wealth

Well he was married to his ex wife for 25 years, and his step-kids called him dad, so I'm assuming he was happy for his ex wife to stay at home, raising the children and keeping hous, whilst he was able to earn a handsome sum of money, so yes actually, she did assist him in creating his wealth.

Sounds like he was married a lot longer to his 2nd wife than the grabby DIL's husband who has written the OP.

Why shouldn't his ex have been entitled to her fair share?

magicthree · 21/01/2023 06:20

FIL sounds like a nasty piece of work! I've been through grabby relatives contesting wills, it is not pretty. The money does not belong to FIL, it was distributed fairly at the time of the divorce, he can't demand it back now. As a pp said, if people want to hang onto all their money then they should stay single,

TolkiensFallow · 21/01/2023 06:21

The children should have inherited from their dad. The rest of it is legally correct.

Your misogynistic values are present throughout all of your statements.

Oblomov22 · 21/01/2023 06:23

She shouldn't have to pay back anything. All was done properly.

The fact they then went back to live with fil is his choice, if he doesn't like it, he can ask them to leave.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/01/2023 06:24

Did FIL’s ex wife leave a will leaving monies only to her DD?

Otherwise why did the children not inherit their fathers ‘share’ of their grandmothers estate?

50% didn't go to the children because it would have meant it going in trust and they need the money to be available to them now

This sounds incredibly dodgy. A child’s inheritance can’t just be given away…

as an aside is your FIL claiming all benefits that he should be in relation to the children? I know a set of grandparents who struggled for two years not realising they could claim when they were GPs not parents.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 21/01/2023 06:26

It isn't your FILs money.

Zanatdy · 21/01/2023 06:26

The fact she’s given 50% back is generous actually. As you know, legally it’s her’s. Many women on this forum don’t work full time or part time hours and contribute by raising children, doing all the cleaning, school runs, mental load etc etc. That’s why in divorces courts don’t care who earned the money during the marriage. The fact is you get married then you share your assets when you get divorced. You can’t start trying to claim it back.

ASimpleLampoon · 21/01/2023 06:27

snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:12

Apparently, a lot of the money made was from an investment fund set up by my FIL and his financial advisor. It hardly seems fair that this doesn't get returned in full to my FIL. Legally, it's completely above board, but morally I feel she should give it back to my FIL. MY FIL has texted his reasons to her re: how he feels but she is yet to respond her reasons for wanting to keep 50%.

How is any of this your business?

Zanatdy · 21/01/2023 06:29

snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:12

Apparently, a lot of the money made was from an investment fund set up by my FIL and his financial advisor. It hardly seems fair that this doesn't get returned in full to my FIL. Legally, it's completely above board, but morally I feel she should give it back to my FIL. MY FIL has texted his reasons to her re: how he feels but she is yet to respond her reasons for wanting to keep 50%.

That’s irrelevant though, just because he set that up doesn’t mean it’s all his. Marriage equals shared assets. If you started looking into who earned what, who set up what savings / investment accounts then that would be ridiculous.

Genuine Question - Do you think a SAHM who contributed nothing financially during a marriage but obviously raised children etc etc is now owed 50% during a divorce?

yousmellnice · 21/01/2023 06:30

This is not the sort of thing he should be texting her about. She's lost her mum.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/01/2023 06:33

Why did the children not legally inherit their fathers share?

not for FiL but for them?

Whoever executed or administered that estate could be in bother if they didn’t follow it correctly

ReneBumsWombats · 21/01/2023 06:33

This can't be real. And if it is, it's nothing to do with you anyway.