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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Note from MNHQ: please note OP's post @ 19.08 on 22 Jan. The OP has admitted this is a reverse but we are leaving this thread up so they continue to receive advice. Inheritance money - AIBU to be p*ssed off?

546 replies

snoozum · 21/01/2023 02:38

What should my FIL do?
Background: my DH's parents divorced when he was a child, and years later FIL met and married his second wife. Second wife had two small children already, who called FIL "dad", although they were not his by blood. After 25 years of marriage, FIL and his second wife divorced fairly acrimoniously. The divorce courts ruled that FIL and ex-wife #2 must split their assets 50:50, with FIL allowed to keep anything that was his before the marriage. FIL worked extremely hard throughout the marriage and financially contributed massively more, with the ex-wife only working full-time for around 5-6 years. FIL was able to stay in the matrimonial home by paying ex-wife #2 50% of its value. Fast-forward 5 years and ex-wife #2 passed away without a will. The son of ex-wife #2 struggled with her death and so his children (his own wife had died a few years previously) went to live with FIL (their grandfather) temporarily. However, before any inheritance was claimed, the son also died. Ex-wife #2 died with most of the money she received in the divorce, in the bank. The ex-wife #2's daughter, who doesn't have children, has therefore inherited all of ex-wife #2's money, which in reality is pretty much all of my FIL's money. My FIL is now bringing up the grandchildren, therefore my DH and my FIL's thoughts are that the daughter should give all of this money back to FIL. However, she has only given back 50% of it. AIBU to think she should give FIL 100% of it, as it was his money to begin with?

OP posts:
tealandteal · 21/01/2023 02:42

Legally she isn’t required to give any back. 50% back seems generous actually.

Aprilx · 21/01/2023 02:53

You FIL got a fair deal when he divorced ex wife 2, all of what he had pre marriage and 50% thereafter, that is what is supposed to happen. What she had when she died was hers not his.

However when she died, it should have been split between her son and daughter, and as the son also passed away it should have been split between the daughter and the sons children. It sounds like that didn’t happen at first but now she has passed over 50% it all seems correct to me, but this should be given to the children not your FIL

So your FIL does not need to do anything other than hand back (or put in trust) what he received from the daughter to the children of the son.

Ownedbyabeagle · 21/01/2023 02:58

If I've understood correctly the divorce court ruled that she had 50% therefore it is the ex wife's money, not FILs. So nothing is owed to him but the daughter very reasonably gave him 50% of her inheritance. She didn't have to do that but has obviously taken into account that FIL is raising her nieces/nephews.
All seems very fair to me.

lifeinthehills · 21/01/2023 02:59

Your FIL got a fair deal and the inheritance has followed the right paths. Contribution to relationship doesn't have to be only in full time employment years. I'm sure your FIL's wife made contributions in other ways and the arrangement of their marriage was worked out with FIL's acceptance.

emptythelitterbox · 21/01/2023 03:02

So why are you pissed off?

LindorDoubleChoc · 21/01/2023 03:04

Your fil's step daughter has been very generous in giving 50% of her inheritance to him. Sounds like she is trying to do her best by her nieces/nephews.

The money she inherited wasn't your fil's money. You understand how divorce works, right?

Appleblum · 21/01/2023 03:06

It sounds right to me. Why do all of you think it's still FIL's money? It's not.

CJsGoldfish · 21/01/2023 03:07

All sounds reasonable but she should not have to give any back and I'd judge anyone who would expect her to. 50% is plenty, be grateful she did that.
If she has no children, chances are the grandchildren will inherit so no need for the greedy whining.

WandaWonder · 21/01/2023 03:09

So you're annoyed that you think you will eventually get money you are not entitled too?

ZooMount · 21/01/2023 03:11

Sounds fair to me.

Original poster
snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:12

Apparently, a lot of the money made was from an investment fund set up by my FIL and his financial advisor. It hardly seems fair that this doesn't get returned in full to my FIL. Legally, it's completely above board, but morally I feel she should give it back to my FIL. MY FIL has texted his reasons to her re: how he feels but she is yet to respond her reasons for wanting to keep 50%.

OP posts:
sydneysunset · 21/01/2023 03:14

So many greedy, grasping people about <shakes head>

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/01/2023 03:16

It sounds like your fil doesn’t need the money. He was not entitled to it either. My dh is working. I am not. I’m entitled to at least 50/50 in a divorce. That’s what a marriage is. And he signed up for it. Why didn’t the 50% go to the children?

christmascrazylady · 21/01/2023 03:19

But the money isn't your fils it was his exwife's half of the martial assets and once she passed it went to her two children. Her daughter inherited it all because her brother passed away but has given half to her brothers children. Your fil thinks that because he made the majority of the money it should be his but if your married all assets are shared regardless of who earn it. Please tell him to apologise to his exwifes daughter for being greedy

SomethingOriginal2 · 21/01/2023 03:20

I would have thought the grandkids inherited their fathers half. But I wouldn't expect FIL to get any.

Liorae · 21/01/2023 03:21

MY FIL has texted his reasons to her re: how he feels but she is yet to respond her reasons for wanting to keep 50%.
I bet his wife divorced him because he was financially abusive. I hope he never hears from her daughter again.

Trez1510 · 21/01/2023 03:21

Here's a clue: She wants to keep 50% because it's her's and she has very generously already returned 50% of her money to him in light of him looking after her nieces/nephews. 👍

OriginalUsername2 · 21/01/2023 03:22

Your FIL is literally texting her asking for the other 50% ?! Wow.

Shes been generous to give him 50% of it. Hopefully she’s seeking advice.

Original poster
snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:22

50% didn't go to the children because it would have meant it going in trust and they need the money to be available to them now. FIL is struggling bringing up the children on his pensions, so he was banking on having all the money.

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 21/01/2023 03:25

snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:22

50% didn't go to the children because it would have meant it going in trust and they need the money to be available to them now. FIL is struggling bringing up the children on his pensions, so he was banking on having all the money.

He should never have been banking on getting that money. More fool him.

Aprilx · 21/01/2023 03:27

snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:22

50% didn't go to the children because it would have meant it going in trust and they need the money to be available to them now. FIL is struggling bringing up the children on his pensions, so he was banking on having all the money.

Well I am sorry but your FIL has no right to this money. We have intestacy laws in this country and that 50% should have gone to the children or in trust to the children. He is a thief and when they are adults, I trust they will sue him.

I am shocked that people thing it is reasonable that the children’s share has even given to him. It is outrageous and you are so wrong thinking he should have even more!

If FIL is struggling he needs to see what kind of benefits he is entitled to. And I thought you said he did very well for himself anyway.

ShandaLear · 21/01/2023 03:31

So it’s his ex wife’s estate? Half to each of her children then as one has died that portion would go to his heirs - I.e. his children. 50% to the daughter and 25% each to her son’s kids. That’s correct. Your father has no claim on that money. It might be his morally, but legally he does not own it anymore. I don’t know why the children are with him though. Surely they should be with their mother or failing that, their aunt.

emptythelitterbox · 21/01/2023 03:33

What has FIL done with all his money over the years?

Sounds like he made a decent income which would have continued after divorce and got 50% in the divorce.

Trez1510 · 21/01/2023 03:33

So, even with 50% of a substantial amount of money generated by your FILs investment advisor's advice, he's struggling.

If he's genuinely on the bones of his arse (which I seriously doubt) he can claim benefits over and above whatever he's already claiming in terms of child allowance etc.

Or, he could just put the kids in care and their 50% in a trust for them. 🙄

Original poster
snoozum · 21/01/2023 03:34

The children's mother died a few years before their father. The daughter (their aunt) has terminal cancer and is too unwell to look after the children herself.

OP posts: