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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband left me sleeping in hot car

471 replies

BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 22:38

We went out for lunch today. Husband drove home and I fell asleep in the passenger seat. We got home and him and the children all went inside, leaving me in the hot car parked in direct sunlight with all the windows up and doors closed. I only woke up about 15mins when my son came to look for something. I was boiling hot when I woke up and was so angry he'd left me there.

We'd had an argument earlier and I almost think he did it on purpose. He says he didn't know I was asleep and thought I was just sitting in the car for a while. I'd been sleeping with my head drooping forward about 10 miles so I think it would have been obvious. He says oh i told you "we're home" and you ignored me. I was flippin' asleep!

I'm upset what could have happened if I'd been there longer in that heat. There's no way I would leave a child in a hot car with windows all up so I don't see why he thinks it's OK to do it to me. AIBU? Thank you

OP posts:
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airmaxJ · 18/06/2023 23:58

That is awful absolutely disgusting. I'm sorry you must have major hurt feelings and feel like he wouldn't look out for you if he's angry when it comes to health, really shocking

Santasjingleballs · 18/06/2023 23:59

Please divorce him. No way to treat a wife !

Original poster
BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 23:59

ladydimitrescu · 18/06/2023 23:58

Maybe he thought you needed to sleep if you slept through him announcing you were home and everyone leaving the car.

No, as I said he says he thought I was just sitting in the car. Says he didn't know I was asleep. Even if he had thought I was asleep he should have opened some windows.

OP posts:
WonderfulUsername · 19/06/2023 00:00

If I'd had an argument with my husband and he didn't bother getting out of the car when me and the kids got out, and ignored the chatter and banging doors etc, I wouldn't actually believe he was asleep.

I'd think he was sulking and would just roll my eyes at him unless he was drunk

Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 00:01

airmaxJ · 18/06/2023 23:58

That is awful absolutely disgusting. I'm sorry you must have major hurt feelings and feel like he wouldn't look out for you if he's angry when it comes to health, really shocking

I've been really upset about it. I would never have left him there without opening the windows up to give him air, the sun was directly on me and already hot from the drive.

OP posts:
ThursdayFreedom · 19/06/2023 00:03

Jupiter15 · 18/06/2023 22:43

If this is real, YANBU. You could have died!

@Jupiter15

say what??

she's not a baby or a dog!

@BlueNavy he was being a nasty Cunt, of course he knew you were asleep. He should have woken you up or left you 5 minutes to see if you woke up naturally. If your Son hadn't disturbed you, I wonder how long he'd have left you??

However, you're being overly dramatic, you might have woken with a headache & been dehydrated, but nothing serious. You'd have woken when you got too hot, you're not a dog or a baby unable to get out of the car.

unless of course he locked you in, then I'd be seriously worried about my safety around him.

Tophy124 · 19/06/2023 00:05

What’s the temp where you are OP? I live abroad and children die from being left in hot cars, some have died from as little as 20 minutes being left, but temps here can hit nearly 50c in the summer. Dogs die from being left too.

If it was over 30 I’d be livid as it’s really dangerous and I know someone who once slept through getting 2nd degree burns on the beach, for all the posters saying you’d wake up if overheating, not to mention how high temps can put you in a sleepier state. He was a complete moron.

NicLondon1 · 19/06/2023 00:06

Personally when I’m that tired I just need to sleep and would have been more cross if somebody woke me up… similarly, if my husband fell asleep I would take the kids in and let him have his nap as long as he needed.
I would never imagine it to be dangerous to leave an adult asleep in the UK in 25 degrees… I have honestly never even heard of an adult having any injury this way in the UK? You’d just get a bit hot surely and wake up..?

If he is a nasty person to you otherwise that is another question, it sounds like you’re looking for reasons to be cross with him…?

airmaxJ · 19/06/2023 00:07

What is he saying about it ?

ThursdayFreedom · 19/06/2023 00:08

@BlueNavy

It's quite easy to sleep through stuff

lucky you! I can't sleep through a butterfly flapping it's wings, in NZ. I truly envy anyone who can sleep through the car stopping, let alone someone talking to them & kids getting out etc.

Emmamoo89 · 19/06/2023 00:08

If my partner had woken me up from a nap he would of gotten a punch in the face

airmaxJ · 19/06/2023 00:08

He could have been in legal trouble if you got Ill or died does he know that?

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 19/06/2023 00:08

You can't be locked into most cars. The inside handles unlock the doors too.

GarlicGrace · 19/06/2023 00:09

I passed out from heatstroke once, I actually would have died if nobody had been around. I imagine it's possible to get heatstroke while asleep, pass out and then die. I was in full sun in Africa, though.

I very much doubt DH was thinking of that. I reckon he was just leaving you to nap. Time the pair of you made up again?

CC4712 · 19/06/2023 00:11

It's quite easy to sleep through stuff
If my son hadn't come out I may have been there another hour or more

Really? You could have honestly slept through the noise, then stayed sleeping in the sunshine another hour? IF DH knew you were sleeping, I agree that a window should have been left open. IF he thought you were sulking/sitting there whatever, then he'd assume you could open your own door or window for air.

Are you anaemic, or have any medical reason to be so bombed out from having lunch on a mildly warm day? I was severely anaemic many years ago and was knackered after a full days work. Get checked if you are having other symptoms of it.

Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 00:15

WonderfulUsername · 19/06/2023 00:00

If I'd had an argument with my husband and he didn't bother getting out of the car when me and the kids got out, and ignored the chatter and banging doors etc, I wouldn't actually believe he was asleep.

I'd think he was sulking and would just roll my eyes at him unless he was drunk

He didn't think I was asleep. They don't really make that much noise shutting the doors, they don't slam them hard. I've slept through much louder.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 00:20

CC4712 · 19/06/2023 00:11

It's quite easy to sleep through stuff
If my son hadn't come out I may have been there another hour or more

Really? You could have honestly slept through the noise, then stayed sleeping in the sunshine another hour? IF DH knew you were sleeping, I agree that a window should have been left open. IF he thought you were sulking/sitting there whatever, then he'd assume you could open your own door or window for air.

Are you anaemic, or have any medical reason to be so bombed out from having lunch on a mildly warm day? I was severely anaemic many years ago and was knackered after a full days work. Get checked if you are having other symptoms of it.

What noise? The noise of 2 car doors being quietly shut? That's all it was. They weren't screaming, sorting or fighting, it was just the car being turned off and ppl getting out. And yes I could have easily slept more, I came into the house and slept another 1.5hrs.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 00:22

Housekeeperbatcocoa · 19/06/2023 00:08

You can't be locked into most cars. The inside handles unlock the doors too.

The doors weren't locked and I didn't say they were. I know I can open them but when asleep I generally don't open doors.

OP posts:
SkyandSurf · 19/06/2023 00:22

25 degrees really isn't that hot.

You would have woken up if you were too hot.

If it was sunny id be angry about being left to get sunburnt.

It was discourteous and passive aggressive for him to leave you in the car, so be mad at him for that. But you weren't in danger, don't undermine your own argument by saying its equivalent to leaving a helpless child or pet in the car on a hot day.

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 19/06/2023 00:28

Thelnebriati · 18/06/2023 23:41

The bar for men is so low its on the floor.

I agree. Leaving the OP like that was a horrible thing to do. It was either completely thoughtless, which is shit, or deliberately unpleasant, which is shit. You can guarantee if the OP was posting that she'd left her teenage offspring in this situation everyone would be telling her how mean she is, but because it's a man doing it to his wife that's perfectly acceptable it seems.

Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 00:28

SkyandSurf · 19/06/2023 00:22

25 degrees really isn't that hot.

You would have woken up if you were too hot.

If it was sunny id be angry about being left to get sunburnt.

It was discourteous and passive aggressive for him to leave you in the car, so be mad at him for that. But you weren't in danger, don't undermine your own argument by saying its equivalent to leaving a helpless child or pet in the car on a hot day.

It was sunny, I was in direct sunlight. 25 degrees outside, hotter inside especially when no air circulating and sun on you. I didn't mention anything about pets. Children yes, it doesn't undermine things. I'm not saying I was going to die or that a child def would, I'm saying I could have passed out and he leaving someone/anyone in direct sun in a car with windows up on a very hot day is not nice. If he wouldn't do it to his children why do it to his wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNavy · 19/06/2023 00:29

airmaxJ · 19/06/2023 00:07

What is he saying about it ?

Hasn't spoken to me since. Didn't ask how I was feeling when I came in upset. Didn't say sorry. All he's said was he didn't know I was asleep.

OP posts:
Florenz · 19/06/2023 00:32

BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 22:53

Thanks, I don't think I would have died no but I think it's mean he just left me and didn't leave a window open. Just because I can regulate my body temp doesn't mean I couldn't have fainted from the heat or it was OK for him to do. I don't know how I slept through ppl getting out the car, I just did. People sleep through all sorts when tired.

IS it possible to faint when you're already asleep? It's not something I've ever heard of.

airmaxJ · 19/06/2023 00:34

People saying it's not that big a deal are underestimating heat stroke and how fast it hits .

Mulhollandmagoo · 19/06/2023 00:35

No, you wouldn't have died, of course not - but you could have ended up feeling poorly! It was a really shitty thing to do, and he should have nudged you awake, so you could go lay down in bed.