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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband left me sleeping in hot car

471 replies

BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 22:38

We went out for lunch today. Husband drove home and I fell asleep in the passenger seat. We got home and him and the children all went inside, leaving me in the hot car parked in direct sunlight with all the windows up and doors closed. I only woke up about 15mins when my son came to look for something. I was boiling hot when I woke up and was so angry he'd left me there.

We'd had an argument earlier and I almost think he did it on purpose. He says he didn't know I was asleep and thought I was just sitting in the car for a while. I'd been sleeping with my head drooping forward about 10 miles so I think it would have been obvious. He says oh i told you "we're home" and you ignored me. I was flippin' asleep!

I'm upset what could have happened if I'd been there longer in that heat. There's no way I would leave a child in a hot car with windows all up so I don't see why he thinks it's OK to do it to me. AIBU? Thank you

OP posts:
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6
Maddy70 · 18/06/2023 23:03

You were asleep. You would have woken up if you were too hot. How come you didn't wake when the car stopped. Were you pissed

Quiverer · 18/06/2023 23:09

Jupiter15 · 18/06/2023 22:43

If this is real, YANBU. You could have died!

No, she couldn't.

bibbityboppityboo · 18/06/2023 23:11

I'm 50/50!

I hate being woken from a deep nap, it makes me super grumpy and I can't think straight if I'm suddenly woken.

If you didn't wake at all through parking / him speaking to you saying you were home / multiple people getting out of the car / shutting doors etc (which I doubt they did in total silence!) you must have been deeply asleep.

It's maybe a bit inconsiderate to not even leave a window open but maybe he just assumed you'd wake up naturally quite soon? But I'm also not sure I'd think about leaving a window open for DH in that situation either!

Trinity65 · 18/06/2023 23:21

Jupiter15 · 18/06/2023 22:43

If this is real, YANBU. You could have died!

How Dramatic

Original poster
BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 23:22

Maddy70 · 18/06/2023 23:03

You were asleep. You would have woken up if you were too hot. How come you didn't wake when the car stopped. Were you pissed

Why are people fixating on me not waking up. No I wasn't pissed. I was just really tired and fast asleep, had just had a huge lunch plus it was very hot on the drive home which probably added to it. Husband sleeps through children shouting at night all the time and slept through me having coughing fits and throwing up right next to him a few weeks ago. Some people just sleep.

OP posts:
FunkyBuddha85 · 18/06/2023 23:23

BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 22:38

We went out for lunch today. Husband drove home and I fell asleep in the passenger seat. We got home and him and the children all went inside, leaving me in the hot car parked in direct sunlight with all the windows up and doors closed. I only woke up about 15mins when my son came to look for something. I was boiling hot when I woke up and was so angry he'd left me there.

We'd had an argument earlier and I almost think he did it on purpose. He says he didn't know I was asleep and thought I was just sitting in the car for a while. I'd been sleeping with my head drooping forward about 10 miles so I think it would have been obvious. He says oh i told you "we're home" and you ignored me. I was flippin' asleep!

I'm upset what could have happened if I'd been there longer in that heat. There's no way I would leave a child in a hot car with windows all up so I don't see why he thinks it's OK to do it to me. AIBU? Thank you

It is really mean. Like others have said you would have been fine but it's still unkind. No matter how mad I was at someone I would nudge them and say "come on, it's hot" or something of that nature.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 18/06/2023 23:25

Were you drunk? I can’t quite fathom how you could be in such a deep sleep in a car at Sunday lunchtime.

He was a bit of a dickhead but I doubt you’d have come to much harm x

xsquared · 18/06/2023 23:34

I'm relieved the missing word in the title wasn't "baby"!

None of us here can tell you whether your dh meant to do it on purpose. You need to talk to him and tell him why you're annoyed.

ZiriForEver · 18/06/2023 23:34

I don't agree with those saying "no risk for adult" - yes, it is lesser risk as you can open the door and get out once you wake up, but an asleep person can faint from the heat or become dizzy, so leaving a sleeping person there is just a bad idea.

Original poster
BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 23:35

TooOldForThisNonsense · 18/06/2023 23:25

Were you drunk? I can’t quite fathom how you could be in such a deep sleep in a car at Sunday lunchtime.

He was a bit of a dickhead but I doubt you’d have come to much harm x

No I wasn't drunk. Just tired after a long week, huge lunch and hot day. It's quite easy to sleep through stuff.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 18/06/2023 23:36

Yes: heatstroke was a real danger.

flimsywhimsy · 18/06/2023 23:37

I think it's an overreaction to compare leaving an able-bodied adult (who wasn't passed-out drunk and is of sound mind) asleep in a car to leaving a helpless child in a car.

As a PP pointed out, some adults are distinctly unhappy if woken from a nap for no reason, so it might have been a no-win situation for him. If he did it out of spite, knowing that you'd be uncomfortable, that wasn't nice of him, but it's also not that big of a deal, imo. I'd have assumed you'd just wake up and leave the car in a mood.

Thelnebriati · 18/06/2023 23:41

The bar for men is so low its on the floor.

Summerfun54321 · 18/06/2023 23:45

You aren't a dog or a child. You can wake up and leave the car which is what your DH no doubt was expecting you to do. He left you there for 15minutes, no big deal.

Summerfun54321 · 18/06/2023 23:47

OP was in the car napping for 15mimutes. She wasn't cast onto the street like an urchin for days on end in the searing heat.

Summerfun54321 · 18/06/2023 23:47

OP was in the car napping for 15mimutes. She wasn't cast onto the street like an urchin for days on end in the searing heat.

Original poster
BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 23:49

Summerfun54321 · 18/06/2023 23:45

You aren't a dog or a child. You can wake up and leave the car which is what your DH no doubt was expecting you to do. He left you there for 15minutes, no big deal.

No he didn't leave me for 15mins. He left me there and I woke up after 15mins extremely hot as was in direct sunlight in a hot car with no windows open, around 25 degrees. If my son hadn't come out I may have been there another hour or more.

OP posts:
Redlarge · 18/06/2023 23:51

He is nasty and vindictive

Catbumps · 18/06/2023 23:51

Had you been drinking though?

Original poster
BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 23:52

Catbumps · 18/06/2023 23:51

Had you been drinking though?

Hahaha.

OP posts:
Catbumps · 18/06/2023 23:55

No that’s an actual question. It would be unusual to be so asleep that you missed the car stopping and everyone leaving

Lacucuracha · 18/06/2023 23:56

If he’d have woken you up, you may have been annoyed for having your nap ruined.

I can see you may have felt a bit abandoned, but the nap probably did you good and you woke up when you were hot, so not harm done.

frazzledasarock · 18/06/2023 23:57

Does he always try to harm you when you argue?

you could have got heatstroke, I used to get heatstroke on the tube, I’d get very very unwell from it.

do you want to stay with him?

Original poster
BlueNavy · 18/06/2023 23:57

Catbumps · 18/06/2023 23:55

No that’s an actual question. It would be unusual to be so asleep that you missed the car stopping and everyone leaving

Oh i thought you were being funny as I've already replied to the same question twice. No I hadn't been drinking. And even if I had it's really nothing to do with him leaving me in the car with all the windows up, in fact it would be worse if I had been drinking. I was just really tired and in a deep sleep, it's really nothing to do with the actual issue here.

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 18/06/2023 23:58

Maybe he thought you needed to sleep if you slept through him announcing you were home and everyone leaving the car.