AIBU that veg should not be shared at the wedding?

Seems odd to me. Just been to a "posh" wedding and the veg was already on the plates. What if someone you didn't know nicked more than their fair share, it would be difficult to say something to them....

Magenta, I have worked in marquees. I have served from food trucks. I have worked in tiny kitchens with a brigade of three chefs and still served hot food to 85 guests. I have worked in pop up kitchens in museums where we were literally serving from a corridor alongside exhibits.

Seriously - why are you so certain that vegetables magically get served cold on a hot plate but stay hot in a cold, uncovered dish being passed around a table?

It simply isn't true.

Suggestions that "all places serve family style" simply isn't true

Whatever.

Every year I go to a big fancy Christmas meal at the Park Lane Hilton. Around 1000 attendees.

They used to always serve veg separately by waiters at the table. The last few years the veg has been served on the plate.

Maybe this is more about changing trends in food service?

My preference would be to serve my own veg at the table.

YABU, if only for stating 'a panache of veg'.

I actually think that might stem from a post COVID approach

I wouldn’t be happy with this either. There always one fat fuck on the table who will take more than their fair share. I’ve never experienced this at a decent wedding before. Veg has always been served on the plate or in an individual side dish.

I was a guest at a wedding where a cheese plate was shared by the table I was sitting at. One of the guests took very large portions leaving the rest of us quite small portions. He was an uncouth glutton - he also swigged out of the wine bottles on the table so no one else fancied a top up.

Yep.

To be honest, the food at most wedding venues is dire. It is mass catered and marked up massively. I have been to a couple of weddings where the couple were older and in very highly powered jobs and probably paid eye watering amounts - the food on these occasions was outstanding. At the other end, couples who have just booked their favourite restaurant or even those on a very small budget who have asked people to bring a dish have been amazing events. The mid-range wedding venues are predictable and safe in the menu, it is not cooked that well and is all a bit school dinners. Venues make a huge amount from weddings and whilst it will feel like you are spending lots of money (because you are) - the average meal will be well below the standard of a mid-range restaurant at a least 3x the price. You are not paying for the food- you are paying for the venue and then have to accept the meal package.

Imagine the challenge of getting dozens of plates on the table at once, all hot, all fresh, all perfectly cooked. The main requires a different holding temp., than veg. If you insist on serving it all at once all on one plate, I think you'll be disappointed in the food quality. They know what they're doing, they should serve it as suggested.

There must a good reason as to why the chef refuses. This is likely to be for speed of service, and many reasons behind the scenes. I've worked at country venues where the areas that are utilised to serve are completely inadequate, little counter space etc, so the staff would struggle to get plates ready. It's also likely that by the time the waiting staff have got it to tables that temperature will be affected.
Entirely up to you as to whether you are going to stick to this point, but if you then receive cold food, you will be in the wrong if you complain.

At ds1's wedding, the meals were fully plated, and came out one table at a time - the tables seated 8, and there were four wait staff working, so it only took one trip to do one table, but I am guessing that, behind the scenes, the chef and his staff were plating up 8 meals at a time, onto hot plates, so it all came out hot.

It was a small wedding (covid meant that numbers were limited) so there were 6 tables in all, including the top table. I guess if it had been a big wedding, they would have had more wait staff, and maybe more kitchen staff, so they could plate up and deliver 16 plates at a time.

I can tell you that the food was piping hot and delicious.

Another voice here who finds this entirely normal (but agree that over the past few years perhaps Covid has had an impact on shared dishes).

Veg plated up individually and held in a hot storage or under a hot lamp in order to sufficiently keep the meat hot will be dry, limp and nasty in minutes. Veg all in one serving dish, covered and kept at a slightly lower temperature can be kept moist and crisp much more easily.

FWIW OP I went to a wedding last year where the guests were from many different countries and spoke various languages and nobody struggled to understand a 'please could you pass me the carrots' gesture; in fact the majority would offer the carrots to the person sitting next to them before they needed to be asked.