AIBU that veg should not be shared at the wedding?

I’ve been to 3 weddings in the last 2 years, all with formal wedding breakfast and the veg was pre-plated along with the meat at each

I would not be surprised at vegetable being on the plate or vegetables in a shared bowl, both are common presentations. It is really weird that you have never seen vegetables served in bowls ever.

This is my wedding day, I'm paying good money for it and I thought having veg plated was how it's always been done. At least that's my experience.

Yes, but your experience is clearly very, very limited.
I've been going to weddings and lots of other similar sized formal meals for 45 years and can't remember a single one where the veg isn't in bowls in the centre of the table.
It really is much better - one so you can choose the particular veg you prefer, two so you can choose the portion size and 3 to get it all out and served quicker.

However, whether it is better or not is irrelevant if that is the way it is served at that venue.
YABVVVU

I completely understand where you’re coming from.

i often serve bowls in the middle of the table for my husband and kids at home, and like this style of dining when we’re out.

however, if my parents are there this gives me the absolute rage. As soon as the bowl is placed down you can see my dad eyeing it up, whilst giving everyone the side eye as if daring them to attempt to go first. He then proceeds to massively over portion himself which annoys the hell out of me.

appreciate that this is one persons manners rather than an issue with the presentation style itself but on tables full of strangers there are bound to be differences in etiquette.

plus covid is still around so it’s not really ideal!

plus covid is still around so it’s not really ideal!

plus covid is still around so it’s not really ideal!

It they use a serving spoon, not their fingers, how is covid a problem?

Oops! Pressed post too soon.

You don’t catch Covid from shared contact (we didn’t know this at the start of the pandemic but we do now). It’s completely fine.

If they give you sharing bowls in restaurants you are generally there with close friends that you can say -oi I need a spud too. Not so at a wedding. Most people won't ask for more as they are not paying and it may embarrass hosts -no I e ever tells the hosts they didn't get enough food at the buffet do they?

Perhaps the vegetables aren’t vaccinated?

I'm sorry to keep out coming back to this thread but I'm getting very surprised by the people declaring that shared bowls is the norm and the OP clearly doesn't get out much.

I work roughly 100 weddings a year, I have worked more banquets and dinners than I could possibly count at 5* and livery level. I've worked royal events. I've worked events for over 1000 guests

Shared veg bowls is absolutely not the standard, it really isn't.

Perhaps stop the sneering "you have a limited social life" posts?

If you are paying thousands for your wedding then yes, you do get to say what you want

What is the standard @RiktheButler?
Does it vary from place to place at all?
(Sorry, haven't time to RTFT)

At the weddings I've been to, veg is usually served from large bowls by staff who go around the table with it.

There is no sadder phrase in the English language than 'pop of colour'.

I think “plating up veg” rivals it.

Easier to keep the food hotter this way rather than plating everything up. Saves the "no broccoli for me " food requirements as the guest serves up what they like and can leave behind what they don't. As others say as long as they can replenish if guest A takes too much before it gets to guest Z.

The "standard" is plated. I'm not denying peoples experiences of shared bowls, but I literally do this for a living.

Shared bowls - or "family style" is an option but isn't efficient, and certainly doesn't make the veg any hotter. In fact, the last person to get veg will have been waiting quite some time before they can start eating. It is also an absolute nightmare at weddings to find space to put one or two bowls on an already crowded table. Replenishing is almost a non starter for many reasons

The "posh" option is veg being served by staff. This is incredible labour intensive and slow. Silver service comes with its own etiquette, plus there are comparatively few properly trained silver service staff available

Plating is the standard, its efficient, quick and best use of staff.

By standard I mean 5* functions, traditional events small and large scale functions and the literal hundreds of weddings I have worked at

Even if it is more usual to have everything plated it still doesn't follow that bowls on the table is somehow lesser. And even if it is slightly less formal why does it matter? OP has got riled up about something totally inconsequential and something that a lot of people either expect or prefer or both as this thread shows.

@DappledThings
Even if it is more usual to have everything plated it still doesn't follow that bowls on the table is somehow lesser.
I have never said it was lesser, but if you read the thread you will find people not only suggesting it is the norm (it isn't) but that the OP clearly doesn't have the social experience that they do. There have been some very snotty posts.

And even if it is slightly less formal why does it matter?
It is definitely less formal and it doesn't solve any of the issues that people are claiming. That's personally my main issue - people are basically making up their versions of this - veg is hotter, more choice etc. It is also very very difficult to accomplish on a wedding table

OP has got riled up about something totally inconsequential
With respect, when OP is spending thousands of pounds on her wedding day she can get "riled up" about anything she chooses. Any venue/caterer who
is incapable of plating veg for 50 people when I have done it for 1800 needs to challenged

and something that a lot of people either expect or prefer or both as this thread shows.
I know its Mumsnet being Mumsnet but there seems to be a lot of posters on this thread unable to accept that their experience/viewpoint is not the norm for an industry that they have comparatively little experience of.

The OP gets to decide how her wedding breakfast is served. I honestly can't understand how anyone fails to understand that

It's a fairly normal option as is the option of it being on the plate.
I've seen it at various weddings from quite high end to more relaxed and also various other formal events.
We've been to weddings which we're for real foodies (2 chefs getting married, and about half the guests worked in high end catering of some kind) where they had this.
And we've been to weddings with mixed international guests that have had this
I've never seen it be a problem most people wouldn't even register it as a thing and it's never been an issue I've noticed with it running out.
If you really don't like it and they won't do differently then you need to look elsewhere but I'm not sure it would be the be all and end all for me.

I'm glad someone else has had this experience. I worked at one of Europe's top wedding venues in my late teens/early 20s who averaged well over 200 weddings a year (literally one everyday from April-September).

Veg was always served on the plate, never once was it in a bowl in the middle of a table, and I can't remember that even being an option. Certainly never happened while I was there.

Where do all these veg in a big bowl people live that this is the common way?

What I keep wondering, is why choose this venue if you are unhappy with their method of service?

We've seen it at weddings all over the country over the past 20yrs, the last one was in the Cotswolds last summer, but also Cheshire, North Yorkshire, Scotland - it's not usually 1 bowl, it's several, depending on the set up how they are distributed.
I have also been to many a wedding with the veg plated up, again all over the country.
Mine in the NE was plated up.
It doesn't really matter, the OP just needs to either get her venue/caterer to agree or if they won't decide if it's a deal breaker.

I haven't seen shared veg dishes at a wedding or big event. I have only seen them in restaurants where there is a group of family/friends. I find there is usually one or two rude people who pile their plate up and some people don't get anything. The same happens when there is a buffet or a free bar.

OP has got riled up about something totally inconsequential
With respect, when OP is spending thousands of pounds on her wedding day she can get "riled up" about anything she chooses. Any venue/caterer who
is incapable of plating veg for 50 people when I have done it for 1800 needs to challenged

Of course she can remain bothered about this inconsequential thing if she wants to, but life is generally far easier if you let the small stuff go. And how vegetables are served really us small. We had the organiser at our venue ask me if if I wanted ivory or cream card for the menus and look surprised when I said I couldn't tell the difference, I didn't care and expressed surprise anyone had cared ever. Vegetable bowls are only one step below that in unimportance if you ask me.

And as I say, even if it is more formal to gave everything plated it isn't something many people would be bothered about. It might be more normal to be plated, it might be more normal to be shared but anyone who turns up to a wedding and judges their experience on how they got their carrots is someone with too much time on their hands.

I think you are being unreasonable, change for guests to talk & break the ice. Also keeps food hot, avoids picky eaters having their meal ruined. But....when you're paying top dollar for a wedding breakfast, you should be able to have it your way.