I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

You are the one who made a judgement about the outcomes being different posieparker. Not me.

Anyway, even if you agree that the outcomes may be different, that's not the same as being able to quantify whether they are 'better' or 'worse'.

I mean, if I had brought my children up in Scotland, rather than Devon, they would have had a different experience. Doesn't mean it would be better, or worse, just different. I don't claim that my children are any 'better' by having working parents. I also am not prepared to accept anyone telling me they have done any 'worse' - sheer bollox.

I, on the other hand, am considerably better off for working - I enjoy it, it's interesting and brings me good money

No worries, posie

Ah, you have psychic ability.
Or you could just be making assumptions. Either way you do seem to have got a bit het up and reading as an outsider it does look like a slightly hysterical response.

Back to the OP, when my children were tiny I was desperate to go to work. As they have got older I have craved a bit more time with them and have worked more flexibly to achieve that. However, your friend's decision is hers to make, and who gave you the "answer" as to what is the right way of raising a family?

Hello, have just read all your comments, our son will soon be leaving home to go to Uni. I wonder where all the years have gone, so glad I stayed with him and didn't go away, I was a professional singer. I get comfort from all my lovely memories of him when he was little. The lady in question will maybe not have these memories. Children only visit us, we borrow them for a while. It's an awful choice for women to have make, we are always at the sharp end!! Anyway, I can now do some of the things for myself again, even though I am too old to start work again.

Ooh look ladies I think the OP is here again, with another name change!

Well, Faggedout, I've got news for you - we all have lovely memories of our children, right the way through from when they were babies, small children, to bigger ones, and it's got bugger all to do with whether we work or not! D'you know what - even dads have those lovely memories too! Shame that you didn't realise that and gave up so much of your own life. Just hope your son didn't pick up on the 'awful choice' you felt you had to make.

But you obviously wont have as many lovely memories of your dc as a sahm, whatever way you want to dress it up!
I'm sure it's ok though, if the childminder/nanny or whoever you entrust the care of your children to, report back the important milestones!

indeed!i am bereft of precious moments memories

and i pay good money for someone else to feign interest in my children...and damn they are good at it

good for you! at least you admit it!

have no problem admitting i am bereft of precious memories

too busy being avaricious and absent

I have lots of lovely memories of both my children despite returning to work fairly quickly after they were born. I expect that the other people who shared their care (including most importantly their father) have some nice memories too, and more importantly that the children have fond memories of growing up. On the whole though I'm more interested in the here and now than the past, and if I had been a SAHM my memories would on the whole not have been positive ones (I'm not a baby person myself). I have no idea what the "borrowing" line is about, my children belong only to themselves.

But in any case the person the OP was talking about will have been a SAHM for eight years and is not intending to disappear, so it's an utterly irrelevant point.

SM, irony wasted on this thread.

Ah, a lightbulb moment - it this the "precious memories" cliche? I've never actually seen it in use before. I find this one quite amusing - my mother can't remember any of this stuff, despite being a SAHM to four (much to my disappointment as a child, when I last thought this sort of thing was very important).

Scottishmummy, why did you have children?

something to accessorise for
liked the lin & leo baby bag.pink match my eyes
wanted a bugaboo

More telling than you think!

oh hark at you melanie klein,

Oh yes, a bugaboo. I've had 11 and counting. All in different shades. The DCs are not very happy about being strapped into them nowadays. DD is particularly stroppy, and keeps on trying to insist that she should walk now that she is at secondary school.

I think it's important to have the latest pram though, and surely the school run is an ideal opportunity to show it off?

lol quattro.i have a fleet of bugaboos.dispensable like ones children

I just don't get the whole SAHM/WOHM/WAHM thing. What is there to row about really?

Whether you work or not has nothing to do with how a good a parent you are, does it?

Personally I worked for 20 years before having DS, now I'm at home with him. It suits me, that's why I do it. I'm not mother earth.

I look at friends who work either part time or full time and sometimes I envy them. At other times I feel incredibly lucky that I can stay at home.

To my mind, if you're a happy and fulfilled person then you stand the best chance of being a good parent, whatever that means for you as an individual.

So you had children to give yourself pleasant memories then, Curryfreak?

What's more important to me is the my children have lovely experiences and memories of growing up - which they have!! And those memories include, along with the central ones of happy family times, some lovely memories of their fabulous nursery, oh and my eldest went to a lovely childminder while I worked part time, and she has fond memories of that too.

So no, us mums who also happen to be employed aren't missing out on anything. I bet that really pisses you off big time doesn't it?

as a SAHM I missed my DS1's first steps, very nearly missed DS2 learning to ride a bike for the first time and also "missed" a whole host of other "firsts"

Being at home with them all the time does not guarantee that you're going to see all the stuff we want to see our children do - they have a very uncanny knack of doing it on the occasions when you leave them with either daddy or a babysitter for a pop to the shop, a bath, a night out.

"

SM, irony wasted on this thread."

So true, so true, SM at her finest as well

wubblybubbly - absolutely agree but there are a small number of SAHMs on MN who seem to need to attack WOHMs to justify their existence. Clearly they aren't very confident in their choices which I think is a bit sad. I agree with you that it's divisive and has no bearing on how 'good' a parent you are or otherwise. But there are some people who seemed to have escaped from a 1950s housewife manual in the back of the drawer