I'm not against working Mums but this is going too far.

[Intefering]

Name changed regular.

A friend of mine has 3 young children with a partner in the military. He is due to leave in 3 or 4 years time I think.

Said friend has told me that she will be re-joining the Navy when her youngest starts reception in 2 years time, several reasons why, money issues, she's worried that after 8 years being a SAHM she will be unemployable, she loves the Navy and nothing else career wise interests her.

AIBU to suggest that this is a ridiculous idea?! I doubt she's considered all the time away from her DC, how her DH will cope picking up the slack at home on his own. Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her and she should concentrate on her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

I'm trying to advise her as her friend but I can't see past her incredible selfishness, how can she have all these kids just to abandon them? She's worried that in 18 years time when all the kids have left home she'll be in a miserable job having watched life pass her by, I really want to tell her that she should of thought of that before getting pregnant.

AIBU and if I am can someone tell me how this will work because I really can't see it.

Yes, idle hands and all that....

not nice AT ALL

just because someone says do it doesn't mean one ought to

V unsavoury

posie, I actually think that is right out of order - if you have an issue with Quattro take it up with her directly, don't hi-jack threads. Anyway cuting and pasting is selective - I would want to see the context

"Quattro....."No doubt you will all flame me for being smug or something, but there is something missing or incomplete in women who identify themselves solely as being mothers."

Not going to flame you, just think that's a hideous and very revealing thing to post, says a lot about you."

So, are you saying that it is healthy and ideal for a woman to identify herself solely as being a mother?

pfffffffft obv women should have no roles or aspirations other than mothering - no employment, no volunteering, no creativity outwith the home

[sarcastic face]

"...she should have thought of that before coming pregnant..."

Always ignore any opinion with that phrase in it...

Many of my friends are SAHMs and would be horrified if I suggested that mothering was their entire reason for being. None of them seems to have the delusion of mother as supreme being. Apart from posie, are there other SAHMs who genuinely think that only defining yourself as a mother is something to aspire to?

Blimey!

This is the second time that someone has suggested that I am Claire Khaw. Which is strange because AFAIK she is a BNP supporter (am a liberal) who believes that women should stay at home (you appear to be castigating me for working) the reintroduction of slavery (extraordinary, eh) eradicating benefits totally and reintroducing soup kitchens so that people don't actually starve. It's laughable.

I have no idea what your problem is Posie, but you need to take issue with the posts rather than the poster. And I don't think that I said anything remotely controversial on this thread.

Gosh posie you think those posts are vile? What a fragile, genteel soul you must be.

And it is mega creepy to spend your time digging up stuff by Quattro that suits your view point - what tiny percentage of her total posts are they?

As for saying Quattro is Claire Khaw (or similar) - you should damn well apologise for that.

so a couple of (out of context) posts that you disagree with you - they're not vile.

I've also read Quattro as "I really love my kids, but gawd I couldn't bear to be at home with them al day" type of person who happens to have a good job that she loves.

posie,what a creep stalkery thing to do to qauttro.are you incapaeable of riposte with strangers without trawling up previous posts?

thing is now you look bulgy eyed and preoccupied.willing to search past posts to prove some weirdy point

OP, erm, huh? Have the last 40 years of feminism and painfully won womens' rights meant nothing? Are you off your nut? Why can't she go back to work when her youngest goes to school???? Or are you just massively transferring your own feelings of not being to cope with children + job onto her?

You do realise this is a lot more about you than about her, don't you?

Really don't mind you searching my posts T&F! Don't mind anyone searching them tbh

And yes you're right that I am entirely the sort of person who thinks "I really love my kids, but gawd I couldn't bear to be at home with them al day"

Not sure I'm keen on being likened to Claire Khaw though. Thanks for support chaps

the Claire Khaw thing is a bit tbh.

oh and btw - do you still have an MN crush on Xenia

The Original Post was no so much about the Ops friend resuming work. It is, to my mind, more about the OP being utterly horrified about the idea of a husband (retiring on a mahoosive pension) and agreeing to be the main childcarer/homeworker; the husband and wife team working together to agree on their choices and the fact that the OPs friend enjoyed being in the Navy but -

"Yes she may have loved the Navy but that's behind her...."

The whole OP screams - Jealous much?

I agree caramel - it smacks of envy.

Maybe she's scared it'll give her own husband 'IDEAS' lol and that he might want to - shock horror- start to consider himself an equal parent. He might want to start being involved in making decisions about his children. Good grief, he might even want to listen to them read or go to school sports day! Heavens above, where will it all end?! He may even cook the dinner one night, or switch the washing machine on. And then her entire reason for existing will have disappeared ROFL!!!

I was asked to search for posts, bad MN etiquette I know but I do hate to be called a liar.

Ooh now you're back posie, perhaps you could answer my question and explain in what way my children have different outcomes due to the fact that they have a working father, and a mum who worked part time when they were small and full time now? How have they turned out differently from how they would have been if I were unemployed?

You seemed very keen to try to push that point earlier, but have ignored me each time I've asked you to elaborate?

I'm interested also violethill

(would await with baited breath, but have been looking in to this Claire K character. VILE, Just Viiiiile)
Oh Sorry you have been compared to said Vile character Quattro

Could you also answer whether you genuinely believe you are solely defined by motherhood (and if not, what was wrong with quattro's comments?)

Violethill, you really should ask yourself as you seem to agree that the outcomes would be different, asking me simply makes you sound very confrontational.

And Clemette my opposition to Q's comments is because I know what she meant.

Quattro whilst I still maintain that you were , again, insulting SAHPs I am very sorry for mentioning Claire Khaw. She is beyond comparison to anything you have ever said or, I imagine, believe in. It was completely uncalled for.

|And No I am not solely defined by motherhood, I am defined by my choices....very very poor choices.