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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to be consulted as to who is taking my son to school

310 replies

Ladyanonymous · 21/06/2010 19:33

Went away for the weekend. DS stayed with his dad an extra night as I didn't get back till today. There were two other alternatives to his dad having him, but he said it was fine and he would take him to school on Monday morning - DS dad lives 20 odd miles away so I had my reservations as to whether he would get him there on time.

I am part of a school run I normally drop DS at my friends and she takes him to school and I take the older children on to the other school. No reason why his dad couldn't have dropped him there this morning as I had my school run covered.

Picked DS up this afternoon, turns out his dads wife took him to school this morning. I feel a bit as I don't have anything to do with her, don't know her, the school have no idea who she is and I think I should have at least been consulted and know who is actually taking him to school - esp when there was no need for it to have anything to do with her.

AIBU to at least have expected his dad to check it was ok?!

OP posts:
booyhoo · 21/06/2010 19:36

yabu. you were happy to allow ds to stay in her house, i dont see how you can suddenly have a problem with her taking him to school. it isn't as if they asked the postman to take him. do you consult your ex when you want to leave ds with someone else?

premium · 21/06/2010 19:37

why wouldnt it be ok?

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 21/06/2010 19:37

I have no choice about my DS staying there do I?

He has access visits and she lives there too?!

OP posts:
reddaisy · 21/06/2010 19:38

YABU. He said he would get his son to school and he did,albeit his wife did the actual driving and dropping off part.

He is part of a team and his wife is your son's stepmother so why shouldn't she take a share in the responsibilities?

Why don't you get to know her a little? It would make your son's life easier I'm sure.

IloveBafanaBafana · 21/06/2010 19:38

Yabu, and a little precious. Your son goes and stays with his dad, and his stepmum? - I presume.

He knows this woman, has a relationship with this woman and why shouldn't she take him to school

You changed the arrangements to suit your circumstances - they agreed, and managed to et your son to school on time. Instead of the little red angry face, maybe a gracious thankyou would help.

My ex would never agree to have my ds any extra time, so count yourself lucky!!

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 21/06/2010 19:38

YABU

Do you ask your DC's dad about anyone who takes your DC to school for you when he's in your care?

GeekOfTheWeek · 21/06/2010 19:39

YABU

Do you ask his dad when your friend takes him?

Its his dads wife not a casual fling. Presumably your ds stayed with her too whilst you were away?

booyhoo · 21/06/2010 19:39

you sound like a nightmare to deal with.

bluecardi · 21/06/2010 19:39

yanbu - he should have let you know in case the school asked anything & you didn't know your ds dad's wife had taken him that morning.

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 21/06/2010 19:41

There is history there - we do not get on and I just don't want her at my sons school without knowing about it.

He didn't have to stay there the other night, he offered.

OP posts:
reddaisy · 21/06/2010 19:41

Would you expect to have to consult him if you got someone you trusted to drop your DS off at school?

SloanyPony · 21/06/2010 19:41

YABU

You probably feel a bit territorial because she is performing a role that would generally be done by one or other parent.

Let it go.

booyhoo · 21/06/2010 19:41

aibu by stealth then?

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 21/06/2010 19:42

He lives with me - its completely different, of course I don't consult him.

OP posts:
reddaisy · 21/06/2010 19:42

There is history between most former partners and new girlfriends/wives but in the end the children have to be put first.

And believe me, I know from experience, that when you let the bitterness go life gets a lot better!

Mutt · 21/06/2010 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booyhoo · 21/06/2010 19:44

you say you dont get on with her but in the OP you say "I don't have anything to do with her, don't know her, the school have no idea who she is ".

what is the truth?

LadyBiscuit · 21/06/2010 19:44

YABU - your DS is your ex's child as much as yours. You might not get on with your ex's wife but it's very unfair of you to let that seep into your DS's relationship with her

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 21/06/2010 19:45

I just felt he should have asked/let me know when he had agreed to take him himself.

And booyhoo he doesn't "deal" with me - I bring up our son.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 21/06/2010 19:46

We all worked together and she started sleeping with him when I was pregnant with my DS, I have nothing to do with her.

OP posts:
premium · 21/06/2010 19:46

You bring up your son with the help of his Dad and his new wife

booyhoo · 21/06/2010 19:46

you still sound like a nightmare.

and it's not completely different. his dad is his parent as much as you are. he gets to make decisions about who takes him to school when he is in his care. you get to do it when he is in your care.

auntpolly · 21/06/2010 19:48

YABU and why ask if you're certain YANBU?

Original poster
Ladyanonymous · 21/06/2010 19:48

premium

No I bloody well do not.

If you think having a child 4 days a month constitutes "bringing up" a child you are very mistaken.

OP posts:
PermanentGrowthSpurt · 21/06/2010 19:48

What did your some think about being taken by his dad's wife? Was he OK with it?