to want to be consulted as to who is taking my son to school

[Ladyanonymous]

Went away for the weekend. DS stayed with his dad an extra night as I didn't get back till today. There were two other alternatives to his dad having him, but he said it was fine and he would take him to school on Monday morning - DS dad lives 20 odd miles away so I had my reservations as to whether he would get him there on time.

I am part of a school run I normally drop DS at my friends and she takes him to school and I take the older children on to the other school. No reason why his dad couldn't have dropped him there this morning as I had my school run covered.

Picked DS up this afternoon, turns out his dads wife took him to school this morning. I feel a bit as I don't have anything to do with her, don't know her, the school have no idea who she is and I think I should have at least been consulted and know who is actually taking him to school - esp when there was no need for it to have anything to do with her.

AIBU to at least have expected his dad to check it was ok?!

She isn't just some random friend of a friend though, she's your son's stepmother.

yes, because she is your friend and not his parent, she hasn't got the authority his parents do. your ex is his parent, this is why he didn't have to consult you.

Thank you for making me ex look reasonable

I will never complain about him again

when you have a child you are agreeing that one other person will have equal say in that child's upbringing. unless your ex isn't of sound mind or has history of putting your ds in danger then you have to accept that he has the authority to make such decisions. it doesn't matter that he lives with you.

No, you shouldn't have been told. He is your child's father and she is his wife. She isn't a friend, he's married to her.

I really think it's very sad for your son that you won't have anything to do with his dad. The hostility is going to make life very difficult for him

When did I say things were hostile?

We just have nothing to do with each other other than discuss access arrangements.

We are perfectly civil.

And you don't think that counts as hostile when you're talking about your child's dad? Fucking hell

the hostility doesn't need to be verbal. your ds will be picking up on your body language, your reaction when he told you she took him to school. (The steam coming out of your ears )

What am I supposed to do with him? Go out for a fucking cup of tea with him and his wife once a week?

We've moved on - we bring up our child - end of.

you need to put your feelings aside for your ds. he is the most important person in all of this and you know you it would be great for him if you were able to have a good relationship with his other family.

When have I said it isn't amicable?!

And I am not crazy - or controlling, its my son FFS and his dad has access - nothing else, he is not involved in his day to day life and didn't even know where the school was!!

how did you respond when ds said that his step-mum took him to school?

Would you like him to be more involved in his sons day to day life?

Would you not drop your partner's DCs off anywhere then?
YABU - she's probably taken him to all sorts of places. And it's good that the school can recognise her face now, in case she does ever need to pick him up....she's part of the adult team around your DS.

I do hope you haven't let on to your DS that you think something is wrong in this, it'd put him in a terrible position for a child.

I didn't want to give permission - I wanted to be told what was happening.

In 4 years she has never had anything to do with school or my sons day to day life other than when he goes there.

you are sounding more and more like a loon.
you complain he has no part in his day to day life, BUT he does have him every other weekend. AND was willing to change arrangements to mean he would have his son more, AND he done what you asked of him. sounds like you want to be able to play the poor me part. when in reality, the reason he has nowt to do with his sons dad to day life is the fact you go off like a nut job.

Well if you don't talk to him and refuse to have anything to do with him it's hardly surprising he doesn't know where the school is, is it?

is your son only 4?

I don't think you need to have a good relationship with your exs wife...as long as you and your ex are civil you don't have to be best buddies