to want to be consulted as to who is taking my son to school

[Ladyanonymous]

Went away for the weekend. DS stayed with his dad an extra night as I didn't get back till today. There were two other alternatives to his dad having him, but he said it was fine and he would take him to school on Monday morning - DS dad lives 20 odd miles away so I had my reservations as to whether he would get him there on time.

I am part of a school run I normally drop DS at my friends and she takes him to school and I take the older children on to the other school. No reason why his dad couldn't have dropped him there this morning as I had my school run covered.

Picked DS up this afternoon, turns out his dads wife took him to school this morning. I feel a bit as I don't have anything to do with her, don't know her, the school have no idea who she is and I think I should have at least been consulted and know who is actually taking him to school - esp when there was no need for it to have anything to do with her.

AIBU to at least have expected his dad to check it was ok?!

No, your husband started sleeping with her while you were pregnant with his DS. That's the reality. He was the one that made the commitment to you, not her.

YABU - it seems like the problem is more to do with your hostility towards her than anything else.

YABU

Would you like your son to see his Dad more than 4 days a month?

" - its completely different, of course I don't consult him."

It's not completely different. Unless the court has made a ruling otherwise, you are his mum and his dad is his dad. You both have equal status as parents - you don't get more just because he lives with you.

Do you not think you'd be a bit pissed off if he lived with his dad and you had to consult his dad everytime you did anything with him? How is he supposed to know what things he must consult the boss about? Food? TV programmes? Clothes? When he goes to the loo?

He probably sees it as - he agreed to make sure DS was at school on time, not that he personally would be doing the taking!

I understand, i have an ex and he is remarried, it is never ever easy!! I do understand that you are annoyed, but you are being unreasonably annoyed! As am I sometimes, have a cuppa and chill out.

I realised long ago, that being wound up by my ex and his wife, had absolutely no effect on them, it only made me cross, grumpy and they carried on with not a jot of concern.

Ladybiscuit

He was never my husband and that is by the by, we have all moved on - I was just explaining why I have nothing to do with the woman.

YABU

Whatever the history, she is now your DS's step-mother and HE will have a relationship with her whether you like it or not.

Step-families are complicated enough so pick your battles wisely - and this is not worth it

I've just read your post about his cheating on you whilst pregnant and now I feel mean. I can see why you don't like her, but she's married to your son's Dad, and I assume your son spends time with her when he's visiting his Dad? I think you will need to get to a point where it's ok for her to take him to school, she's not going to disappear any time soon.

I am just very protective of my life and feel a bit intruded upon as he didn't even need to have him.

We have nothing to do with each other, I see him once a fortnight when he collects DS and drops him off, he has nothing to do with school and even asked me where is was

I agree with most of the other posts and maybe thats not what you want to hear. It's obvious you are feeling a little over sensetive about the whole situation but surly it's more important that your son was dropped off at school safely, on time, and by someone he knows. Like it or not she is his stepmum and creating an issue out of something so innocent would be a nightmare for everyone.
Dont sweat the small stuff, just grin and bare it!

Ladyanonymous,

I don't mean to be confrontational but you clearly haven't moved on if you have nothing to do with her and the fact that she - your son's stepmother - dropped him off at school has clearly upset you.

What they did while you were pregnant was absolutely awful and it must have been horrible for you but it would set your son a good example if you could all get along.

It really and truly would be in his best interests.

Good luck.

He didn;t have to have him, but presumably he wanted to. Which is a good thing isn't it? For their relationship?

I am well aware of the pitfalls of ex's moving on - my other ex's g/f is a complete nightmare and had me breathlyzed on the school run, phoned the police on me, who came round whist my children were here and made an allegation against me at work and tried to get me sacked.

Maybe that is wny I am being a little over sensitive.

I don't really want his step-mum having anything to do with my life, they live in another town.

YABU

You may have nothing to do with her, but she's your son's stepmother - so he has something to do with her.

YABU. Maybe he intended to take him originally but it was more convenient for his wife to. Surely she is more than capable.
It is of no consequence, she is you ds's stepmother, not a total stranger. Sometimes you need to grit your teeth and smile.
You don't have to become best buddies but tolerating her existence and being neutral if she is mentioned by your ds is part of moving on.
I am xp, mother and stepmother so I can see all angles and believe me, bitterness is not a trait to nurture.

you may not want her having anthing to do with you life, but like it or not, she WILL have something to do with your child.
you should be happy that she is willing to do things like take your child to school. she doesnt have to. she chose to.

She is a part of his life every other weekend yes and I do accept that. I have moved on believe me and am in a relationship with a guy who has kids too and I am happy.

I just like having nothing to do with her and I don't want her at my sons school. If he agreed to take him he should have done it, I could have made other arrangements.

the only person the bitterness is hurting is you. as you say, hey are in another town, completely oblivious to the fact you fel like this, it is doing them no harm at all, but it is making you angry. give yourself a break, you arent losing anything by letting go of the bitterness. you wont lose face or be giving in. you will just be happier.

you are picking a fight where the is no fight.
YOU are the one with the problem, so act like the adult and stop it.

i dont see what harm her being at the school will cause. are you worried she will befriend some of your friends?

If my friend didn't take him and someone else did I would expect her to tell/ask me.

If he was part of the school run normally then I could understand him no telling me but it was a one off...I should've been told.

no you shouldnt.
he said he would get him to school. and on time. and he made sure that happened.
you have a problem that he made a decision. thats your problem, not his. he was looking after your child. and he did it right. she was there the whole weekend. so you cant moan.