to want to be consulted as to who is taking my son to school

[Ladyanonymous]

Went away for the weekend. DS stayed with his dad an extra night as I didn't get back till today. There were two other alternatives to his dad having him, but he said it was fine and he would take him to school on Monday morning - DS dad lives 20 odd miles away so I had my reservations as to whether he would get him there on time.

I am part of a school run I normally drop DS at my friends and she takes him to school and I take the older children on to the other school. No reason why his dad couldn't have dropped him there this morning as I had my school run covered.

Picked DS up this afternoon, turns out his dads wife took him to school this morning. I feel a bit as I don't have anything to do with her, don't know her, the school have no idea who she is and I think I should have at least been consulted and know who is actually taking him to school - esp when there was no need for it to have anything to do with her.

AIBU to at least have expected his dad to check it was ok?!

I am not trying to create one - I just want to be told that she is taking him to school thats all - and yes I would have replied with thanks for letting me know even if I hated the idea because any other reaction would have been unreasonable - wouldn't it.

why do you want to be told?

Would you have been happier if she'd dropped him at your school-run-friend's? And why?

because you want to be in control.

I have already accpeted IABU - I just don't like the assumption I am some nut job or that I have to have some type of fake relationship with a woman who caused me a lot of pain.

His dad and I get along just fine.

I would have wanted to be told

What difference would it have made though? i really dont understand what the problem is.

Look, for the last time, you might want to be told who is taking him to school (if it's her) but we are all saying, unanimously I think, that Y A B U !!!!!!! You do not need to know.

Now, I've had enough of this. I'm off.

I want to be told because he is my son and I do not believe that its BU to want to know who is dropping him off at school?!

Usualsuspect- can you explain why?

Exactly. It's not about what is in the best interest of the child it's about how much control you have over your son and ex in respect of your son.

It isn't right and sorry but I agree with babydubs, you're posts are just full of hostility.

Yet everyone else in the universe (i.e. MN) thinks you are!

ok, but his other parent is more than capable of making that decision so what difference does it make whether you know about it? do you tell him when your partner takes ds somewhere?

Oh, I hadn't noticed you say yabu.

sorry op. yabu. you say you're over it. but you're projecting a lot of bitterness here. I can understand how you may feel but you really need to let it go. similar sort of thing happened to my aunt (whose dp actually abandoned her and ds), she spent her life trying to protect her ds from getting hurt by his dada, and whhen her ds turned 18 he went off to america to live with his dad. fab is right, sometimes children hgrow up not understaning things and turning away from the "bitter" party, even when they've done everything for the dc.
Why don't you want exdp to spend more time with ds/why doesn't exdp want to be more involved in ds life. sounds to me like there's a lot more going on than just this post.

ladyanonymous.....i can kind of see your point. kind of. but i also agree with everyone else that his contact time, his call.

just write it off,its done now. but expect lots of this stuff as he gets older,he may well want more time with his dad anyway

Do you tell your ex who drops of your son at school, clubs, parties etc etc? if not why not?

and i repeat, you were told. ds told you.

Because the ex is hardly dad of the year is he...he didn't even know where his own sons school was

You are going to have to get on with her, shes his step mum! she will feature quite heavily in your sons life, if not much now then when he is older, you have to get on with her as much as his dad, suck it up, your sons emotional needs come before you own in this, he cant grow up in this atmospher, surely you can see that?

Your ex is married, they had him for an extra night, he probably had to go work (assuming he works)in the morning, to me its obvious that his wife, your sons stepmum who he has known for however many years, would be taking him to school. Why didn't you just ask the night before if it would be him or his wife taking your ds to school if you're so hung up about it?

US- if she doubts his parenting then why is she letting ds go? if she is happy to let him go then surely she is happy that he will take good care of him.

usual but you don't know why the arrangements are like that or why he doesn't know where the school is. Reading the posts I suspect it's because the op didn't want him to know. And just because he doesn't see him ever week doesn't make him a bad parent does it?