to tell dp that I want to become celibate for a year.

[snottyslimeclock]

I have always been a Christian and have become a much more committed one in recent months. I have decided that I no longer want to be involved in a relationship that involves sex outside of marriage.

This is not about me pressurising dp into getting married , we are doing so next year and it is very much a joint decision. It is not because I do not want to have sex with him, we have a lot of sex and often. My heart still flips when he enters the room and I often chase him around the bedroom.
I would like to think that if dp asked me I would agree even if I found it difficult, but it is a big ask - although not a permanent one.

I am a regular before the trollhunters start to gird their loins.

PLease note my name is snottyslimeclock because dd has been making one and it is in front of me. This is not a comment on dp's hygiene.

Does your fiancé realize that you will never deliberately avoid getting pregnant once married, meaning you will probably end up having at least five more children?

I am undoubtedly not the best person to advise you on one level SSC as I am a militant atheist - and to me your current trouble is a good example of how utterly toxic all these superstitions are. But what I do hope is that some of the saner, more sensible people who happen to believe in the Christian religion are able to help you work out what's going on with you. Because my main thoughts on reading yoru post is that something upsetting in your past is kind of rising up and affecting your feelings about sex, and that needs dealing with - something has triggered this off in you.
The other explanation is the brand of Christianity you are currently exploring is one of the nasty ones, full of woman-haters and sexually dysfunctional predators. Plenty of Christians, as shown on this thread, are not obsessed with sex in the sense of constantly trying to control how other people have it, the sects that make such a huge deal about sex are the ones full of abusers and maniacs, peddling the worst sort of superstitious toxicity.

An omnipitant, all seeing, all knowing, singing and dancing being will already know what you are going to do anyway, so why worry? The decision is already made - you have already decided, done the deed or not, and already died - omnipitance is knowing all - past, present and future (which does beg the question of free will, but that is another discusion). I just want to know what you say when other half begs the question, 'you do still fancy me don't you?'?

Why is religion so ridiculous about sex?

what a load of brain-washing twaddle. YABVU.

Female-led religions usually aren't. It's male-led religions that are weird about sex because they have a deep need to control a woman's fertility and breeding capabilities, to be as sure as possible that the child they are raising is their own.

hence the Burkas, the ridiculous difficulties getting divorced, the segregation from men, the need for 'modest dress' - much more often and more fiercely promoted than the need for modest dress in men, the idea that women are handed, at the alter, from their last owner to their new one, so as not to leave them unfettered for a millisecond in case Other Men knock them up, the idea that a woman's place is in the home (where she'll never see anyone or be seen 6by^ anyone interesting or attractive)

Bloody shocking isn't it. Why any intelligent woman would choose to perpetuate this control is beyond me.

Yes. it is.

It's the whole reason, in fact, that I'll never be getting married.

This is horribly sacreligious, but sometimes, during the relatively few and mercifully short microseconds in which I actually felt a twinge of guilt over the number of men I shagged, I'd think, 'Well, I was spreading love and good feeling. So it's all good '

I did meet a number of born-again Christians at university who assured me they were 'recycled virgins' or became virgins again at the time of their baptism.

And some of their past shenanigans put mine to shame.

I've spread a fair bit of love myself expat Consider it a service!!!!

While abstinence is perhaps the christian ideal, I think it would be extremely damaging to your relationship to do this.

I honestly can say I know how you feel, but I would caution strongly against it.

I'm not clear if you've said what your df religious convictions are? I would see a very strong likelihood for this causing huge pressures on your relationship, lead to a lot of resentment, but also really put him off God & religion. Not only could he well resent you for this, but also become very anti anything to do with church, which, given your growing relationship in this department, could have a knock on effect of him making it difficult for you to practice your faith or be open about it in other areas. And this could stay with you for years, way past the wedding. Assuming it doesn't get called off.

Seriously, I would listen to the advice on here. A lot of your answers to posts are explaining why you want to do what you are planning, and justifying it, but it doesn't feel like you're taking any of the points of them on board, and many of them are valid!

You are in a difficult position spiritually, you want to do this, but unfortunately it has and will have, a profound effect on your df and your relationship. Act in haste, repent at leisure. Seriously, I'd speak to your church again and open your heart to what people here and your priest are saying. And pray about it, which I assume you have/are.

I must admit, the idea of that length of celibacy rather chills me to the core .

V close friend did the whole 'I want him to woo me and win me back' scenario after a biter split and he never really fancied her again as it was all too 'discussed' and not at all spontaneous.

See, I was always of the mindset, 'If I fancy shagging him and he does me, why wait? If it works out, great. If it doesn't, well, at least I won't die thinking, 'Damn, shoud have bagged him!'

See, I was always of the mindset, 'If I fancy shagging him and he does me, why wait? If it works out, great. If it doesn't, well, at least I won't die thinking, 'Damn, shoud have bagged him!'

snottyslimeclock -

really: the bible doesn't actually say anything about pre-marital sex.

As you will know: Jesus hardly mentions sex at all. And the morals of pre-marital sex not at all.

Paul talks about sex a bit (but really the religion is Christian, not Paulian) but the passage people will normally cite is corinthians 7:2 ?But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband"

Which is as close as it gets. To me paul is condeming adultery, not premarital sex.

To save you looking for more quotes have a look here - you'll see that if you read the verses there is actually nothing about premarital sex at all.

I think colditz is on the right track above: the christian church's attitude to sex is not about Jesus, who was not interested in sex, it's about men controling women.

Somethings Jesus was interested in was money, and power. He very clearly instructs people to give up money and eschew temporal power. the church don't pay so much attention to that... funny eh?

If you and your partner love eachother, and want to spend the rest of your life together, then for goodness sake enjoy the great sex that comes with that

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. You have a happy and good relationship. Sex is part of that. It is naive to think that withholding sex for a year will have no impact on your relationship. It will. If these were your views when you got together, then that would have been his choice, either to accept that or not. It's a bit late now, as others have said.

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

I'm sorry but if my dh had said no sex for a year before we got married I'd have seen the writing on the wall and run a mile. Whatever the reason if you stop having sex before you're married there's not much hope for afterwards!

bloss
I can't BELIEVE you've brought up Deutronomy 22! . That old piece of rubbish!

for anyone not familiar with it here it is

OK, so go read it again...

1. it doesn't actually say anything about premarital sex
2. but it does - hilariously - condemn all sorts of other things, such as women wearing trousers, for instance.

Deuteronomy 22 is the atheists friend. For a modern christian it has to be one of the most embarrassing chapters in the bible.

oh bloss - and yes: Jesus and the OT clearly condemn adultery. But that's not because it's sex, it's because it is a betrayal.

I still stand by what I said

• Jesus wasn't much interested in sex
• Jesus didn't, and the bible doesn't say anything that would suggest it would be sinful for OP to sleep with her fiance.

However being ignorant (apparently) I look forward to you correcting me...

OP, I am an atheist so I see marriage PURELY as a legal contract, so I don't have any objections to sex outside marriage, however, YOU are a Christian so you should not even be living with this guy outside marriage. According to your religion, cohabitation is a sin so I'd ask your boyfriend to move out, too.
(If you're going to do this properly, that is).

Sorry, but to ask this of your dp is highly, highly unreasonable of you. You can't expect the poor chap to agree to this. You are shifting the agreed arrangements of your relationship too much.

Do you have your own money or source of income or relying on your dp for cash?
If the latter, and you make this ridiculous suggestion to dp, you may find out why cold-hearted atheists like me recommend marriage before kids...