to be unsure if I should report friend to SS?

[custardismyhamster]

Friend is 23, has dyspraxia (and other things I think as have read up on dyspraxia and it's just difficulties with co-ordination if I'm right, so she may not run as well as others etc)

She has a DD, 8 months.

Her DD is not cared for very well and I am worried. Whenever I visit her DD is passed to me and I end up caring for her. If I don't, she gets ignored-so today she was sat on floor playing with a toy, she fell and banged her head (was fine!) and cried so I left it for a few minutes, my friend ignored her so I picked her up, cuddled her, then distracted with funny faces-her DD laughed and forgot about her fall bless her.

Anyway the little girl doesn't seem to ever be properly clean (not as in oh she has baby food on her clothes-she is a baby they get messy! but as in she stinks-literally after clean nappy on etc, her hair FEELS greasy and she smells. She also has terrible exema and cream from gp, friend doesnt put it on her as 'makes my hands feel greasy')

She is also never spoken to, or interacted with by my friend, at least not when I am there.

Friend never seems to buy her anything she needs-had no cot until about 7 months old etc, but yet can afford pauls boutique bags and mac makeup for herself...hmm.

AND friend told me today that to make money (she doesn't work, but lives at home with her mother, who does work and she isn't paying any board even) that she is sleeping with men for money-in her house, in front of her DD.

This has worried me and I feel it's the final straw-should I now as a concerned onlooker be speaking to social services or similar, as am concerned about little girls welfare?

Any advice really appreciated guys as don't know what to do for the best but don't want little girl to suffer

I think you need to do something, poor child

Yes, I think this sounds like a suitable case for referral.

Does her mother know she's having sex for money?

If she's your friend, have you talked to her at all about what's going on/how she's coping with her dd?

Does her mother know she's having sex for money?

If she's your friend, have you talked to her at all about what's going on/how she's coping with her dd?

Yes I think you need to report this, either to social services or NSPCC.

So her mother knows she brings men into her house to have sex with them?

If your friend is prostituting herself then it is extremely likely that drugs are involved...report now, if you have the child's welfare at heart.

Have you tried asking her if she is okay? She sounds a bit low from what you've said in all honesty - there are days when I really would quite happily hand over DS to anyone else, just for five minutes to myself

But I do agree you should mention it to someone - though maybe mentioning to the local HV team might be a better place to start?

without the prositution bit you could maybe say she might have pnd ...but i think youre right to be worried,and right to be thinking about getting help for the child by reporting her.

have you expressed your concerns to her or her mum?

Oh my gosh, that sounds terrible. I don't really know what to say.

Do you think your friend might be making up the part about sleeping with men for money, in the house and in front of her baby? If she is telling the truth, then she is putting her baby at risk by allowing random (?) men into her house (not to mention any other lasting psychological implications......).

I think perhaps you should call an organisation like the NSPCC, explain the situation to them and ask for some urgent professional advice.

Sorry not to be more helpful, but this seems so serious that I don't feel remotely qualified enough to help. I do hope you get some helpful advice though and that our friend's baby is better cared for.

"your" friend's baby....not "our"

How did I miss out the sex bit? PC fail.

With now having seen that, scrap my last reply. I think you should have a word with her, still, even if its just a casual way of finding out exactly what on earth is going on. Then call NSPCC / SS as you see fit.

Thanks guys-I didn't want QUALIFIED advise as some of you say you aren't qualified-just wanted advice from other mums who clearly have the best interests of their children at heart and would give me and honest answer, so thanks.

I don't think it's PND. I think she wanted baby as an acessory and she dresses her up like a dolly and parades her about in one of the numerous fashionable prams she has, but isn't really bothered about her generally-or maybe doesn't know what to do. Think she does love her-just doesn't get it, which is why I feel a bit mean. But think I need to be more concerened about the child.

I'll ring NSPCC for advice thanks all.

I am not someone who usually says report.

If it was just the other issues, I wouldn't report - I would simply think she was struggling/maybe PND and perhaps have a word with her mum - although you say she lives with her mum, you don't mention whether she gives your friend any help with the baby etc.

However the prostitution thing is much more of a worry. Do you believe she's telling the truth? (I have known people in the past who would lie/exaggerate stuff like this for attention, which is sad in itself). If you think it's true, then I dont think you have any choice but to report, tbh.

speak directly to your friend about your concerns. And her mother.

Sirboobalot-I'm sure you aren't the only one who would love 5 minutes peace every so often-but thats not what it is with my friend at all-I have other friends who I go round and say 'oh can I take your little one to the park' and they say oh thats brilliant I'd love a sleep/bath/time on internet/break of other sort, and I do that-but they CAN and DO cope day to day and would be fine without me 'borrowing' little one!

Her mum works through the day so isn't aware of the sex for money thing. She does do a lot with the baby when she is there-for example she came home today when I was there and she sat on floor with baby pulling faces, tickling, encouraging her to crawl etc-baby laughing like mad and loving it-also her mum put cream on baby's poorly skin and she loved that too! but-the grandma isn't there all of the time, I'm thinking evenings is better than nothing but not a full time proper carer is it?

I'd talk to her mum about your concerns before reporting to SS I think.

He mum must notice if the baby is dirty/greasy/smelly.
Maybe she IS depressed and this is what has led her self esteem to dip to the point of prositution?.
Maybe you could help her look at what legitimate financial help is available for her
How do you think a chat with her about your concerns would go?
Maybe call the NSPCC for advice without actually reporting her just yet.

YANBU - you're right to be concerned.

Sorry Custard, I know your having a difficult time at the moment but was the capitalised "QUALIFIED" aimed at me? I'm not sure if you meant it, but it came across as slightly harsh and a bit rude.

I was only saying that your situation seemed so serious, that it probably requires advice from a professional. I also, along with others, offered you the best advice that I felt I was able to and expressed my sympathy at your situation. Not sure why you replied a seemingly cross / sarcastic tone.....

Good luck with everything, I really do hope that your friend and her baby get the help and support they (seem to) need.

So the doting grandmother hasn't noticed the neglect? And this woman is not just working in the sex industry but working in front of her DD? Sorry but this is a Dave Tesla.

Oh no Maylee-I meant that I took what you said in a sort of 'well I'm not qualified so maybe my opinion is not that helpful to you' way, and I meant that just because you are not qualified your opinion and advice is still very valid to me, sorry if it didn't come across that way.

I tend to say similar all the time if someone asks my advice 'oh I don't know what I'm talking about but I think X Y Z' the person who asks is like 'but I asked you for a reason-I asked mumsnet as you are all mums or trying to be or connected to kids in some way-which makes me trust your advice loads in this scenario.