to be unsure if I should report friend to SS?

[custardismyhamster]

Friend is 23, has dyspraxia (and other things I think as have read up on dyspraxia and it's just difficulties with co-ordination if I'm right, so she may not run as well as others etc)

She has a DD, 8 months.

Her DD is not cared for very well and I am worried. Whenever I visit her DD is passed to me and I end up caring for her. If I don't, she gets ignored-so today she was sat on floor playing with a toy, she fell and banged her head (was fine!) and cried so I left it for a few minutes, my friend ignored her so I picked her up, cuddled her, then distracted with funny faces-her DD laughed and forgot about her fall bless her.

Anyway the little girl doesn't seem to ever be properly clean (not as in oh she has baby food on her clothes-she is a baby they get messy! but as in she stinks-literally after clean nappy on etc, her hair FEELS greasy and she smells. She also has terrible exema and cream from gp, friend doesnt put it on her as 'makes my hands feel greasy')

She is also never spoken to, or interacted with by my friend, at least not when I am there.

Friend never seems to buy her anything she needs-had no cot until about 7 months old etc, but yet can afford pauls boutique bags and mac makeup for herself...hmm.

AND friend told me today that to make money (she doesn't work, but lives at home with her mother, who does work and she isn't paying any board even) that she is sleeping with men for money-in her house, in front of her DD.

This has worried me and I feel it's the final straw-should I now as a concerned onlooker be speaking to social services or similar, as am concerned about little girls welfare?

Any advice really appreciated guys as don't know what to do for the best but don't want little girl to suffer

Altinkum don't waste your time, LD is being ridiculous. I and am sure many many people appreciate the work of SW like yourself. I hope that any cuts that are to come dont effect SS.

WTHell! Some people do not deserve the gift of life, tell her to drop the kid to me, I'll have her!

I don't want to get into a big row but i feel that I have to agree with leonie on this point.

Re the exchange about becoming involved with SS.

altinkum "if she has nothing to hide, she has nothing to loose, and a very high possibility off her getting more help."

leonie "wrong. the wake of a SS visit can be devastating, even to a completely non abusive normal family."

altinkum "In what way exactly?"

Beign reported to SS and having contact with SW, is/can be a devastating experience, with long term repurcussions, even if the end result is that SS give the "all clear".

I am surprised and a bit concerned that someone who works as a SW is unaware of that TBH. Anyone with a little imagination can see why people might be adversely affected in all sorts of ways by this sort of attention from the authoirities.

That was all I wanted to say really.

That's not how I read it, I read it as Leonie making her point that contact with SS can be devstating in itself, even if the result is that no further action is taken. Then you challenged her strongly on that and said that everyone was slagging off social workers.

She wasn't slagging off SW, whe was responding to someone else who said that if there was nothing wrong in the family then no harm done by reporting to SS. Leonie doesn't believe that is necessarily true and I agree with her.

That all happened before the comments that you refer to in your previous post.

However if you meant something different to what you said, and in fact agree that contact with SS can have serious consequences for families even if the "all clear" is given, then that's fine. It makes me a bit about your original post to Leonie but there you go.

x-posts I don't want to hijack and get into a row I just wanted to say that really.

Marking at the moment so don't know if this has been mentioned; but if you search the threads Altinkum and see the negative effect the involvement of Social Services has had on Trinity, an MN regular after she was tragically widowed, you might just want to rethink your comments.

I also have to say, and you may be posting from an iphone, that I cannot understand the meaning of some of your sentences, and your use of English is appalling. I have an inherent distrust of so-called professionals who cannot string a coherent sentence together as I consider that they may just not be what they say they are if they cannot communicate effectively.

Leonie - you have obviously had a very bad interaction with Social Services and nobody is denying that. However, at the Authority I work for, a huge proportion of the looked after children have been voluntarily accommodated by their parents who were unable to cope. Of the 600 vulnerable children subject to ongoing CP investigations, they will either be living at home or with their extended families. Its simply not true that SWs are waiting to swoop and remove children from their families.

Sadly parents often avoid seeking help from Childrens Services because they fear their children will be removed from them. We need to get to a position where families can seek and accept help (with a view to keeping children within their families)and there is no "shame" in doing so.

Although my own view is that the OP should contact SS - I do accept that a discussion with the Health Visitor might be one way forward. I don't think the OP should try and judge the situation for herself. If she was confident in doing that - she would not be seeking advice on MN.

I would say so,yes. I was going to say the bit about baby being a bit smelly and lack of interaction could be sorted out at this stage with the intevention of a good health visitor/HomeStart mentor, but then I read the rest.....

The point being made is that SS involvement can be detrimental, even if the involvement is unwarranted. I gave you an example on MN of a case where this has happened. You obviously have a very blinkered point of view if you will not even engage with the possibility that SWs can have a negative effect.

I'm glad that your employers don't discriminate against you for your dyslexia, but I do hope they check any written reports you make.

OP i would certainly contact SS for just so they can check on the safety and well being of the child.

If SS are having to get involved with any case i would guess its because they have reason to believe that their help is needed. Whether it be a malicious tip off or fact. i'm sure they arent just sitting their staring at their navels and thinking up people to harass!

Who gives a crap whether she can spell or not! When i am frustrated and having to write an email/text etc i tend to mis-spell due to speed writing. FGS get a life if you think that is a major issue!

Altinkum, You dont need to justify your job role to anyone, thanks to you, many children's lives are saved and you should be damn proud of that. How can you you be accused of abuse, you are there to save them. aarrggghhh

You were giving advice to the OP and now because you happened to mention your profession you are being ripped apart.

Who is it on MN who rang SS for respite care to do with a child with SN, and then couldn't get them out of her life (not that they were able to provide any respite care, either). All they did was come visit repeatedly, wasting her time telling her how to run her life; she knew what to do, she just couldn't get time to do it (sigh).

I am one of those typically loathe to phone SS, Leonie's experience rings very true for me.

However if what OP said is all true then I have no doubts about this being an appropriate case for SS to get involved with.

So if it were me, I'd try very hard to verify the details, including talking to the grandmother.

Altin, many Mn'ers have had bad experiences becasue of a SS referal.
I know the good work that SS does. But being accused of abuse or neglect without reasonable grounds is very damaging.
I did not see abuse or neglect in the OP. cause for concern, yes. abuse, not necessaarily. the only thing of concern was the possible prostitution. possible. needs investigating.
And maybe a SS referal is required. but lets not be too hasty.

I do have a life thanks, and for me it is a major issue, given my profession. When I get a letter / report from someone purporting to be a professional I expect it to be in formal, and correct English, with due attention paid to spelling, punctuation and grammar. It amazes me that those who write to me who have English as a second language, can string sentences together better than some who have it as their first.