to be unsure if I should report friend to SS?

[custardismyhamster]

Friend is 23, has dyspraxia (and other things I think as have read up on dyspraxia and it's just difficulties with co-ordination if I'm right, so she may not run as well as others etc)

She has a DD, 8 months.

Her DD is not cared for very well and I am worried. Whenever I visit her DD is passed to me and I end up caring for her. If I don't, she gets ignored-so today she was sat on floor playing with a toy, she fell and banged her head (was fine!) and cried so I left it for a few minutes, my friend ignored her so I picked her up, cuddled her, then distracted with funny faces-her DD laughed and forgot about her fall bless her.

Anyway the little girl doesn't seem to ever be properly clean (not as in oh she has baby food on her clothes-she is a baby they get messy! but as in she stinks-literally after clean nappy on etc, her hair FEELS greasy and she smells. She also has terrible exema and cream from gp, friend doesnt put it on her as 'makes my hands feel greasy')

She is also never spoken to, or interacted with by my friend, at least not when I am there.

Friend never seems to buy her anything she needs-had no cot until about 7 months old etc, but yet can afford pauls boutique bags and mac makeup for herself...hmm.

AND friend told me today that to make money (she doesn't work, but lives at home with her mother, who does work and she isn't paying any board even) that she is sleeping with men for money-in her house, in front of her DD.

This has worried me and I feel it's the final straw-should I now as a concerned onlooker be speaking to social services or similar, as am concerned about little girls welfare?

Any advice really appreciated guys as don't know what to do for the best but don't want little girl to suffer

"This is why I am unsure guys-what if she IS lying about the sex work? And maybe then it's just that she needs more support?"

then SS will deal with it appropriately.I had a lot of dealings with this woman www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/s/2061555_suicide_verdict_in_drugs_mother_prison_death_inquest and her boy was not removed from her care until she was arrested for supplying him class As - despite plenty of opportunity. SSs wheels take a very long time to grind and they always seem to underplay rather than overplay their hand. I think it highly unlikely that your friend would get anything more than an interview with a social worker and an assessment to see if the child is at risk.

""SOCIAL WORKERS DO NOT TAKE BABIES AWAY FROM MOTHERS"

Sorry, but BULL SHIT. "

Yes, yours. As Altinkum has explained, social workers cannot just go in and steal children - much as the red tops would like you to believe.

The childs welfare IS paramount. But if there is going to be a referal, there needs to be reasonable grounds. not spurious reasons. and if the case is handled sensitively, appropriately and in a professional manner, then no harm / damage would be done to the parents either.
But many Mn'ers can say thta this is not the case.
So thats not good.

I think you are being terribly rude to people on here as well who have equally valid opinions to yours. There are two sides to every story, and whilst you may have appreciated the intervention of social services, there are others who don't and are left reeling from it for years.

In the last 20 years I can remember some very high profile cases where social services were wrong, and there had to be Inquiries set up to see what had gone wrong; Orkney, Cleveland and Rochdale spring to mind. That is why there is mistrust and no wonder.

As to your writing ability, you are employed by the tax payer, I am one, so it is my business.

"in my opinion, and it is only my opinion, the acronym cannot just be coincidence. "

Hmm, think you've invoked Godwin's Law

Sometimes it would be better if they could, mind you....

Being accused of abuse is a very serious allegation. No one would like to even be accused. bet none of you would like it.

Altinkum did carify that she was aware that contact with SS can be a traumatic experience with lasting consequences, even when there is nothing actually wrong in the family and the "all clear" is given.

I also agree with jazzchickens "Sadly parents often avoid seeking help from Childrens Services because they fear their children will be removed from them. We need to get to a position where families can seek and accept help (with a view to keeping children within their families)and there is no "shame" in doing so. "

The current set-up is a bit of a disaster area IMO.

But you need to have reasonable grounds for acqusing, in the first place. It is a very serious acqusation.

Disagree. The person making the acqusation has to be held accountable. Or else acqusations could be made willy-nilly. not in-line with proceedures.
You have to come up with 'reasonable grounds' for making the acqusation in the first place.

Am I the only one thta thinks this is reasonable ? Tell me that I'm not. Please.

Becasue Alt, as a SW is saying she doesn't agree. And I can't quite get my head round that.

There are lots of Mn'ers who like you Alt have suffered years of consistent abuse. And I am sorry for you. I on the other hand was bought up in a totally loving environment and never smacked EVER.
Reconciling the two, each with our own expereicnes, is difficult.

And those allegations can end up with women being sent to jail, freed on appeal, and then killing themselves. There needs to be a balance on how these allegations are handled, and it seems to me that that has tipped too far against the parents.

The threads about Trinity for instance show how a lady who has been unexpectedly widowed and left to deal with the aftermath of this with kids is worrying about if her dd wears matching socks to school, as it may be a sign of neglect. It's that kind of petty triviality and down right control freakery that translates itself as 'I can't pin anything else on you so we'll go for that'. Of course children need to be protected, but so do the adults and it sometimes seems that common sense has gone out of the window.

so sorry Milady. beggars belief. the only reasons for a SS referal is for neglect or abuse ? is that correct ? what was the basis of the acqusation , in your case ? were you being accused of abuse ?

I'm with you Oblomov, and that is one reason why I was so against the Contactpoint database.

Lots of the Mn'ers weren't acused by anonymous callers. They were referd by professionals. Professionals who should have known better.
Like Malady's post. that is over-caution. depriving sw'ers of time to do theri proper job. what was the basis of malad's referal. abuse and/or negelct. based on what.
over-caution gone mad.
but thats o.k. no harm doen.
rubbish. harm has been doen to malady. this is obvious, surely.
you are accused of abuse. but no harm is doen to you. rubbish.

The child probably needs to be referred for a common assessment framework - CAF assessment. These sit outside social services child protection procedures and allow various professionals and concerned others to come together to support a parent. Sometimes they lead to a fuller assessment under child in need procedures - sometimes the support is enough.

OP - could you ring the health visitor - they can initiate this. I really think you should do something. The child is not having it's needs met.