to be unsure if I should report friend to SS?

[custardismyhamster]

Friend is 23, has dyspraxia (and other things I think as have read up on dyspraxia and it's just difficulties with co-ordination if I'm right, so she may not run as well as others etc)

She has a DD, 8 months.

Her DD is not cared for very well and I am worried. Whenever I visit her DD is passed to me and I end up caring for her. If I don't, she gets ignored-so today she was sat on floor playing with a toy, she fell and banged her head (was fine!) and cried so I left it for a few minutes, my friend ignored her so I picked her up, cuddled her, then distracted with funny faces-her DD laughed and forgot about her fall bless her.

Anyway the little girl doesn't seem to ever be properly clean (not as in oh she has baby food on her clothes-she is a baby they get messy! but as in she stinks-literally after clean nappy on etc, her hair FEELS greasy and she smells. She also has terrible exema and cream from gp, friend doesnt put it on her as 'makes my hands feel greasy')

She is also never spoken to, or interacted with by my friend, at least not when I am there.

Friend never seems to buy her anything she needs-had no cot until about 7 months old etc, but yet can afford pauls boutique bags and mac makeup for herself...hmm.

AND friend told me today that to make money (she doesn't work, but lives at home with her mother, who does work and she isn't paying any board even) that she is sleeping with men for money-in her house, in front of her DD.

This has worried me and I feel it's the final straw-should I now as a concerned onlooker be speaking to social services or similar, as am concerned about little girls welfare?

Any advice really appreciated guys as don't know what to do for the best but don't want little girl to suffer

If this is true (have you chellenged your friend about the sex working? How did you react when she told you?) then yes, you should report. The neglect is concerning but doesn't sound abusive...yet. If she isn't attaching very well to the baby at least she is attaching to the grandmother. Not ideal but - my nephew is attached to my MIL as his primary carer, SIL is struggling with bonding too. Not abuse, though not great.

Sex work is a big issue though - children should not be around their parents sex working at any age, even if they are oblivious, it is unsafe and completely inappropriate.

I'm usually the one who says don't report people (because sometimes people on MN want to report for such minor things) but I agree that talking to the HV might be a good idea.

yes, so where is the baby when she's sleeping with men for money?

I think engaging in prostitution in the place that your child calls home is reason enough to contact social services. She is putting her child at risk.

I would report, I wouldn't have even asked on here. I was like this when I was a baby except the prositution bit and being paraded around as an accessory. My 'mother' couldn't give a toss about me and I was filthy, underfed, made to wash my own pyjamas when I wet the bed etc etc. SS were involved and a fat lot of sodding good they were but at the end of the day it is neglect and something needs to be done. I don't agree that you should talk to your friend first.

Child at risk.

Ring ss.

To ignore suspected abuse/neglect of a child is to be complicit.

Why are you even friends with this woman.
I think the little girl would be so much better off not with her mother who clearly has issues.
Please please call SS.

Poor little child is being neglected and the world of prostitution (and that is what your friend is ) is a dangerous place and no place for a child

Do you think your friend would accept extra help from you and her mum? Do you and her mum have time to give her extra help?

I think you need to talk to her and her mum. Is it possible she is suffering from MH issues?

Your friend definitely needs help and support. Hopefully SS would offer her that. However if she is a good friend I would be tempted to try and get her that help myself, before involving SS, who could simply put extra pressure on someone who is already struggling.

I don't think I believe the sex work story. I think it sounds like is she is crying out for help/attention by making up stories. Getting escort/brothel work is easy, why would she bother doing it from home? Considering the amount of sex workers there are these days, why would men bother coming into a house, where they are possibly going to be interrupted half way through by a screaming baby?

If your friend won't accept any extra help or you feel unable to offer it, then of course you must call SS.

I find it concerning that your friend,who is neglecting her baby & works as a prostitute is causing you to hesitate in contacting outside help?

It's a no-brainer.

The prostitution would suggest to me drug using.
Do not have figures but,I'm pretty sure that it's the primary cause of most women turning to prostitution.

I'd be extremely surprised if PND was the cause,frankly.

If you feel you cannot ask someone official for help ot of displaced loyalty then at least,speak to the grandmother.

DetectivePotato, that's so sad I wish someone could have helped you when you were younger.

My Grandad was brought up by his Spanish Mother who was a prostitute, and was regularly abused by the men visiting the house.
When he married and had kids he turned into an abuser himself, abusing my aunt, at least one uncle and my Father.
This all transpired at my Fathers funeral as my Aunt just flipped and let it all out.
My sister, me and all our cousins had to be interviewed by social services as we all slept over our grandparents all the time.
Needless to say we never saw him again, and lost contact with the rest of the family.
Now our cousin, a son of the abused uncle has accused his Dad of sexually abusing him all his life.
This legacy of sexual abuse seems never ending and I ask myself if my Grandad was 'saved' by SS when he was younger would he have gone on to lead a normal life?
OP, please don't hesitate just pick up the phone and report her. Your call could make such a difference to a young life.

Could be PND- but the fact remains that the baby appears to be neglected.

A neglected baby needs help regardless of her mother's reasons for neglecting her.

Report to SS.

Or you could, as Leonie suggests "[....] mind my own business." and let the neglect continue

brightyoungthing My dad tried to help when he found out, he took me to my nans. The police took me back. Eventually after her telling SS that she hated me and wanted me adopted but kept changing her mind and they wouldn't take me away, she fucked off one weekend and left me at my nans. Best thing she ever did.

Talk to her mother before you get SS involved.

Why CoteDAzur?

Do you think the mother is unaware of the neglected baby in her own house?

Because hearing about the sex work would probably shake her out of her slumber.

TBH i am not a fan of SS as they take away babies who are not in need to Care but leave the ones that are. Is there any way that you can contact HER Health Visitor?? She could be suffering from Depression?!

Think general consensus on here is try and contact her health visitor-i will do that. Then I suppose HV can decide what she wants to do can't she.

Re the sex work-if it is true (I don't want to think so, but then why would she lie about it-it's not like anyone is going to be impressed) if she is doing it, she couldn't go to a brothel as who would then mind the baby (she doesn't look after her well but to the best of my knowledge hasn't left her alone-she's not stupid)

Do you have any other interesting friends?

Don't count on it, CoteDazur- if she is -at best- turning a blind eye to the neglect, it is also possible she is colluding with other things. Sad but possible.

CheekyBigBrotherfan, suffering from depression does not mean that her DD is not being neglected. SS need to be involved regardless.

Shiney & New - I know of someone who was doing sex work from home for money and drugs with a young baby in the house (it does happen). Her own mother (i.e. the Grandmother) informed SS in the end as the baby was neglected, dirty,hungry and prey to random strangers coming in his house. Grandmother ended up having custody of the baby and several years on he is a happy and healthy little boy who still has contact with his mum (who may finally be sorting herself out [fingers crossed emoticon])

Sometimes reporting is the only option.

DEFINATELY get social services involved.

HV will contact them if you talk to her.

Dyspraxia is more than just having difficulties with co-ordination.A lot of dyspraxics have poor organastionl and social skills among other things, They also are often immature for thier age. I know this as DD3 is dyspraxic,
I think you friend needs hel so before getting the social services involved I would talk to your friend and her mother. Perhaps also talk to a health visitor or try to get your friend to talk to one.

Perhaps your friend has Asperger's as well as being dyspraxic. I think they are slightly different as well as both being part of the autistic spectrum. The lack of communication with the child could indicate this, she certainly needs some help from somewhere.