to be unsure if I should report friend to SS?

[custardismyhamster]

Friend is 23, has dyspraxia (and other things I think as have read up on dyspraxia and it's just difficulties with co-ordination if I'm right, so she may not run as well as others etc)

She has a DD, 8 months.

Her DD is not cared for very well and I am worried. Whenever I visit her DD is passed to me and I end up caring for her. If I don't, she gets ignored-so today she was sat on floor playing with a toy, she fell and banged her head (was fine!) and cried so I left it for a few minutes, my friend ignored her so I picked her up, cuddled her, then distracted with funny faces-her DD laughed and forgot about her fall bless her.

Anyway the little girl doesn't seem to ever be properly clean (not as in oh she has baby food on her clothes-she is a baby they get messy! but as in she stinks-literally after clean nappy on etc, her hair FEELS greasy and she smells. She also has terrible exema and cream from gp, friend doesnt put it on her as 'makes my hands feel greasy')

She is also never spoken to, or interacted with by my friend, at least not when I am there.

Friend never seems to buy her anything she needs-had no cot until about 7 months old etc, but yet can afford pauls boutique bags and mac makeup for herself...hmm.

AND friend told me today that to make money (she doesn't work, but lives at home with her mother, who does work and she isn't paying any board even) that she is sleeping with men for money-in her house, in front of her DD.

This has worried me and I feel it's the final straw-should I now as a concerned onlooker be speaking to social services or similar, as am concerned about little girls welfare?

Any advice really appreciated guys as don't know what to do for the best but don't want little girl to suffer

I am probably being hopelessly naive but I thought that social workers were there to help families, and breaking them up was an absolute last resort. Surely if this was reported to SS, unless the child was in immediate danger they would offer the mother help and support, rather than taking the child away.

With this view of SS I would say definitely report, the child is being abused (neglect is abuse), and SS would be able to help the mother out, or refer her on to someone who can.

If you think the child is neglected then surely the next step is to discuss this with your friend rather than with social services?

If you are not satisfied after speaking to your friend and possibly also her mother then social services might be the next step but surely you wouldn't go directly to ss in this situation?

maltesers I know better than most it's not such a stark choice usually, but while some people here are over identifying with this mother, this baby is being harmed ( if OP is correct and there appears to be no reason to doubt ).

Social Services are tje right people here.

i agree this women needs help, and i agree that her dyspraxia could be an issue (i have experience with dyspraxia and ASDs), but at the end of the day the way to help her is to report this to the NSPCC, the HV or to social services. she is prostituting herself in front of her daughter, and presumably letting in strangers to the house. drugs may well be involved but even if not this is very dangerous for your friend and her baby. she needs professional help - not a quiet word in her ear.

ive no idea why your even questioning what to do tbh. prostitutes who service clients in front of their babies arent going to simply "get better" unless something is done to help.

Bobbalina, please see previous responses as to why speaking to the friend first is not a good idea.

Cheeky:

"Yes but so is the mothers"

No. It's not. the child's needs take precedence and come before any needs the mother may have.

"The child is 8 months old, she could be suffering from depression as well as the Dyspraxia"

This is true. However, it does not change the fact that she is neglecting her child. SS involvement is to protect the child, not to punish the mother. The cause of the neglect is irrelevant at this stage.

maltesers:

"Yes, the babys welfare is VIP but think about the repercussions[...]Think how she will never (possible ) speak to the OP again??"

The baby's welfare is not 'VIP', it is of paramount importace and comes first. I'm sure even the OP would rather lose the friendship than see a baby continue to be neglected and possibly abused.

Think about the possible repercussions if she does nothing- far more horrific.

yes true . . . .

Altinkum, what would SS be likely to do in a situation like this if OP reports her friend? or does it vary from place to place?

I'd speak to a HV before going off to SS. Get advice on the situation without naming names first and see where that leads.

I agree with everything Altinkum has said. I'm not a Social Worker but work in that field. The public just never get to hear about all the children that have been saved from the most horrific abuse you could imagine because the law (quite rightly) prevents these cases being publicised to protect the children's identities.

There are bound to be some Social Workers who do not practice correctly, the same as we have some bad doctors, some bad police officers etc. etc. However, the majority of them work tirelessly in crap offices with massive caseloads. SWs simply do not want to take children into care needlessly but they can assist families in getting help & support.

OP - Please contact SS. By doing so you will be making the first step towards getting this family (mother & child) the help they need.

i have a friend who was maliciously reported by a neighbour with a grudge, it was cleared up really quickly with no repercussions, so i would have no fear if a genuine mistake is made that it would be cleared up.

on the other hand, if a child IS being abused then is it not better to report it and leave it to the experts to suss?

i also agree with altin on this one. you can diss SS all you like - but they on the whole do a difficult job well. i had a shite social worker when i was a child, doesnt mean the whole profession is wrong.

Well if I ever sunk to a low like that I would expect my friends to help me not ruin me.

The mother sounds like she is suffering depression and needs help quickly, not having her baby taken away from her.

If HV gets SS involved then the mother will get the help she needs with the Mental Health Team rather than just ringing SS and saying ;my friend neglects her baby, she suffers from Dyspraxia but take her baby away from her'

I would ring her HV first.

Well, I would hope they'd remove a child from a person who is prostituting herself in the home and neglecting her baby.

Yes, and this sounds like a Baby P.