To think we should look after our own children?

[ContentedVanilla]

Why do people choose to have children if they don't want to actually do the job of looking after them? What are you getting out of it if someone else is looking after them?

If you and your partner both want a full time career then why have you chosen to have a child?

I'm not just being a bitch, I really am genuinely curious as to what people's reasons are and what makes them want children.

I read on another thread that a lady dreads the days she is not at work but at home with her child. Is it a case of not realising what it will really be like until you've done it?

well I do think we should give the OP the chance to come back and give her side before we all slag her off... just to prove that there are two sides........

ContentedVanilla, it's not that people don't want to look after their own children in many instances, like mine.

It's because they cannot afford to not both work. That is not a reason to NOT have children. Children are for life, not just for the few years that you might have to send them to nursery.

I wish I could stay at home, but there is no way I could afford it. It's certainly not the case that I don't WANT to look after my children! But unless your partner earns a good salary, in most cases both parents need to work - if only people like you had kids, ie those who can afford to be SAHMs, there wouldn't be many people having children.

And it's not always about making sacrifices so you can be a SAHM ie no frills, holidays, clothes etc. It's about literally not being able to pay the bills without two salaries.

First and foremost OP its a little thing called 'choice' you know the concept- you can have kids or not, co-habit or not, work part time, full time or not at all. All without being held at gunpoint or jailed for daring to do things a different way to the way some old stickybeak on a web forum does things.

So they actually have a life and a career left after the kids grow up.

I'm speaking as someone who has neither. And regrets it.

We had a similiar thread recently and Toccata, you went to the shop. I'm still waiting for my Salt n Shake.

What a boring, samey OP. People go out to work for many different reasons. It doesn't mean that those children in those families are loved any less or brought up any less well. You really do need to get out more OP and accept that your view of the world is a load of bollocks not necessarily correct.

I am due to give birth next week. This baby is a much wanted IVF baby and yet I will still be going back to work in March (expects possible flaming over having IVF despite not being able to afford child!).

This is because we can't afford the mortgage if I don't work. This might change in future, but may not.

Now, I will be asking for part-time hours - this would be the ideal situation for me because I'd get to bring in some money but spend most of the week with my baby. We could just about afford this.

However, the company that employs me does not have to give me the hours I want and if they won't I still need money and will have to take my fulltime job back. There aren't loads of alternative companies near me where I could do a similar level of work (though I will look!).

If I'd waited longer to have this baby (perhaps in several years I may not have needed to work), it would've been even harder to get pregnant (and before anyone says it, adoption is not an easy option - I greatly admire anyone who does it). There's never a right time, but this seemed the best time all in all for us.

So yes this is about me and my issues, but the reality is that I wanted a child and I will have to work.

I guess, OP, you would prefer it if I remained childless and miserable, rather than have a baby who will still be looked after and happy, and I'll be happy too?

Oh and as an addition, I think it will be good for my mental health to do some part time hours. I think women who work or who stay at home all rock (you know, provided they're awesome like me).

oh I'm sorry Porridge - I think I did eat them

I guess that thread must have been this last week then - I've been, ahem, a little distracted

i chose to work ft.want to be mum and work.work fulfils me and i love working.i always knew id would work ft when i had children.had nursery booked 12wk pg.all part of the plan.and for us it works v well

Obviously with my Salt n Shake

oh of course porridge

Congratulations FortunateHamster

YABU- any one who think swe should look after our own children or not have them is being unreasonable. If you pay for childcare through choice or because you have to it's your choice and it doesn't make you a better or worse parent, you can't judge it by using a service which keeps them safe, entertained whatever, because looking after your own doesn't mean you love or care about them more or anyway I don't get this op idea

No. I think we should tie our children to the banisters and let them look after themselves.

FortunateHamster,congratulations on pg.wishing you well

you dont need to justify working to anyone. and you learn to become impervious to daft comments like the op

my mum worked ft,emphasised education and working,that has stayed with me. now i work too

YABU. Now go away, don't you have children to look after?

Thanks DuelingFanjo and scottishmummy (and congrats DF!)

Actually OP, you are the best advertisement for going out to work I've seen in a while.

God help any children stuck at home with a mother which such narrow, misinformed and unintelligent views!

Ooooohhh...... deja vu.

When ds's were little I had tomwork or face homelesness (days before TCs etc)
I hated it and desperately wanted to be with them

Now I am a care I am bored rigid

Part time is probably best mix (and I go for cm over nursery every time) but each to their own, can see both sides

i love why have children if you let strangers watch em threads

curiously compelling.usually initiated by a deliciously obnoxious op

hell i have to jump in when i see one.cant resist like the hypnotic biddulph tambourine