To think we should look after our own children?

[ContentedVanilla]

Why do people choose to have children if they don't want to actually do the job of looking after them? What are you getting out of it if someone else is looking after them?

If you and your partner both want a full time career then why have you chosen to have a child?

I'm not just being a bitch, I really am genuinely curious as to what people's reasons are and what makes them want children.

I read on another thread that a lady dreads the days she is not at work but at home with her child. Is it a case of not realising what it will really be like until you've done it?

"Let's all get out our aprons and start making play-doh, shall we? Thanks for reminding me what I went to a good school and to university for and what all that time, money and investment was all about. I'm sure that making play-doh and singing Baa Baa Black Sheep is far more rewarding."

Don't you think that is a little degrading for those that chose to stay at home? Why isn't you child considered an investment? ppl who dig SAHM's bug me as much that those who dig the other extreme

YABU.

I love working parents, it takes a lot of work to run a household and work. I have a step daughter (age 4) who is with us part time, and she loves me working, she thinks it is great that 'mummy' goes out to work so we can do things as a family at weekend. When I have a child of my own, and she lives with us full time, I shall still probably work, as OH is self employed so work is here and there, so no regular money. Therefore ONE of us would be at home with little ones.

I'm curious to hear what the OP did before marrying for money. No sorry, that's bitchy, and better not to have two on this thread. I'm just curious to hear what the OP did before getting married.

Your question "What are you getting out of it if someone else is looking after them?" is a little worrying. Surely you didn't have children for YOUR entertainment, did you?!

agree honeymum, 2 sides to every tale. But judgemental people who can't see the otherside really do my nut, especially when they haven't had to live through what most people do, just to keep their heads above water.

bored, OP?

"Surely you didn't have children for YOUR entertainment, did you?!"

That's why people have children.

Honeymom, each to their own. I've no issue with SAHMs, honest. I do have an issue with posts like the OPs. For me, it would have been a waste of time, money and investment and I would be bored silly and bloody miserable to be a SAHM. I do not find that lifestyle rewarding.

I was talking from a purely personal POV and wasn't insinuating that others feel as I do or that they should.

I don't agree, Bonsoir. We decided to try for a dc to grow as a family. To share our love for each other with one of us, if that makes sense. I think I'm privileged to have a son in my life who accepts me as I am and who I can love unconditionally. I don't, however, expect him to entertain me or make me happy. I decided to have him, and I am responsible to make him happy. If he makes me happy and feel more fulfilled in the process, good. But it's not a given. And if he was not able to do that, for whichever reason, he is still my child and I would love him just as much.

I don't mean to imply you don't love your children fully, btw, I'm just trying to explain what I meant.

Erm think I have got it really wrong then CV?

I went to work when DS 4months (Gov f*!ked up CTC so got nothing) as we couldn't afford food etc if I didn't.

Went back full time when DS 13 months as partner left but I'm sure CV you would have felt it better for my DS to have a stay on the streets mum rather than a working one and a one bed apt to live in?

Moved back to UK 4 years ago and I worked 5 afternoons DS loved his nursery and would ask to go when I had leave - maybe CV becuase I was such a crap mum?

Went full time year before he began school as a job came up in the field I wanted to develop my career in and as I work in a school I now work while he is in education. Whay benefit would he get if I was at home during this time?

I also am doing OU degree when he is asleep at night and would love to hear your views about how this is 'wrong' to?

We do what we have to do a sparents that what makes a good parent. Finding the right balance beteen mum/dad time, family time and time they amuse themselves. Thats how we raie open inded elf sufficiant independent children to be proud of.

YABU CV try living in the real world.

I think people have children to enjoy their company (ie for their own entertainment). Obviously, you won't enjoy their company much if you don't give them a lot and bring them up properly.

I went back to work when dd1 was three months old and dd2 was 10 weeks old because I WANTED to - and I resent idiots like the OP judging my worth as a mother for making that decision.

I didn't read this whole thread (I'm paying for internet in a shop and it's bloody expensive) but I think YABU. I only work part time myself, but I know plenty of people who love their chosen careers and love their children as well. I used to be a nanny, and the parents worked quite a lot but had the weekends and lovely holidays with their three boys. If you still manage to see your children a decent amount of time through out the week, I think it's fine. And certainly none of my business either way.

OP - am seriously not having a dig here...... would like to know more about your circumstances. Are you a SAHM who is struggling to feed your family & pay bills due to loss of earnings (in which case, respect... ) or are you not going without anything other than absolute luxuries and dissing those who even when working are struggling to make ends meet?

I work full time by choice. We could afford for me to be a SAHM (or DH to be a SAHD) but neither of us wants to be. I love my children to bits but don't think the fact that I am not with them every minute of the day means that I shouldn't have had them. If they were unhappy in childcare then I would think about other options but we are all happy and they are extremely balanced kids.

Hmm, maybe, but what then if a child is physically not possible to give that back? What if your child is terribly ill and not able to communicate. What then? I just think it's dangerous to decide to have a child for your enjoyment, as it might not work out that way. I might be over thinking this, so I take back that I queried that, OP, maybe I'm wrong. (Still disagree with most of the remainder, obviously.)

Sure, having DC is a risky business - you don't always get what you'd like! But I still think you fundamentally wish to enjoy their company.

I mean, what other motivation can there be in this day and age? We don't have children to work to support us anymore.

Yes, you're right.

b-o-r-i-n-g.

oh, and you're an idiot.

b-o-r-i-n-g.

oh, and you're an idiot.

Expat is so right she said it twice to make sure! Totally agree with you Expat.

Wow. Really?
Do you really think, OP, that the numbers of women working are all doing it out of greed or selfishness? I work because we couldn't afford a mortgage on my DH's income. He, btw, is a very well-qualified public sector worker. We live in a terrace in one of the poorer regions of the country, but in a quite nice area - for where we are. I don't work for flash holidays or a posh car, or luxuries. If you don't know many mothers who work, I'm guessing you live in a particular type of community and are in a minority.

FWIW, I wouldn't work if I didn't have to right now, however surely that would be a waste of an education paid for by the taxpayer (perhaps I shouldn't have gone to university if I was going to have children - but then who knew?). Do wonder what message you're giving to your children - mothers shouldn't do paid work?
And, btw, I do look after my children. Just not physically all the time. This idea that if you use childcare "someone else" is looking after your children - bollocks.

Are you called Vanilla because you're a bit, well, unoriginal?

Well I can't afford to go to work, but resent the OP.

YAWN