To think we should look after our own children?

[ContentedVanilla]

Why do people choose to have children if they don't want to actually do the job of looking after them? What are you getting out of it if someone else is looking after them?

If you and your partner both want a full time career then why have you chosen to have a child?

I'm not just being a bitch, I really am genuinely curious as to what people's reasons are and what makes them want children.

I read on another thread that a lady dreads the days she is not at work but at home with her child. Is it a case of not realising what it will really be like until you've done it?

I'm sure this was done just the other day.

But still.

I am a SAHM by choice. I truly believe that this is what I'm good at and that it's best for my family. I am lucky that DH earns enough that I don't have to work outside the home.

But that's me and my family. Others are (shockers) different!! Therefore they are entitled to make their own choices. And they are valid ones. I may not understand them or even approve of them- but that's my lookout. I don't live their lives, I live mine, and act accordingly.

I'm torn between 'Fuck off' and .
I suppose it should be the latter.

I agree completely. We have such high expectations of life these days that we seem to think that we can have it all and let someone else pick up the pieces. I have sympathy with some mothers who have worked hard at a career only to drop it mid stream when children arrive, but at the same time I think there are "career" women out there who look upon the raising of children as something that is not worthy or stimulatiing enough for them and are genuinely not prepared for the compromise and sacrifice. There are others for whom having children is simply another lifestyle option and who feel that earning money entitles them to buy a delegated upbringing for their child.

when you say "people" are you thinking male or female or either?

Perhaps linked to the fact that more people are working for longer before having children, but what I work at is part of who I am. I did have two years off work with the two girls, but it was dead weird. Not dreadful, but I worked hard to get where I am now, so just stopping would seem like an odd decision.

If you can get work and childcare to "match", I think there's nothing wrong for children growing up knowing that if you want a roof over your head and food on the table, someone somewhere has to be working to get that (99% of the time anyway!). Nothing against SAHMs or SAHDs, but our experience is that M and D each have a better worklife balance if we both work. And we've been lucky with childcare too.

DuellingFanjo- that's amazing news, congratulations!

Aww, your life sounds really nice OP. Hope your DH never bins you for a younger model...

DuelingFanjo- you forgot to add Kill them

thank you tethersend

Classic trollism- not returning to the thread......

YANBU to believe that we should look after our own children.

But Paying the mortgage, putting food on the table, helping with homework, reading bedtime stories, acting as a role model, mopping fevered brows, applying nit lotion, kicking a ball around the park, going for a bike ride, playing on the Wii, choosing schools, washing clothes: tell me OP, who do you think does these things for the children of working parents?

I do sometimes wonder this, But I guess it is up to each and every person to judge what is best for them, I couldn't do it I Want to bring up my children, But I can't afford the luxury of not working at all but I don't work full time..

I do think it's a shame that the double income lifestyle means that many feel like they don't have the option to stay home because they are already living above their means,

I think ultimately we all judge each other on some level. If you work someone will judge you for not spending enough time with your children, if you don't work someone will say that you're children don't grow up with a good example of work ethick, and so on.

Some people have to work as they have no choice/can't put their career on hold.

I'll be honest - I wonder at the people who work ft and then still go on holiday without the kids, woman I worked with who came back to work when her baby was eight weeks old, then a month later went on holiday leaving her two year old and three month old with her parents and couldn't wait to get away from them, or dh's friend where both parents worked full-time, but when booking their holiday looked for one with an all-day kids club (mark warner stylee) because "we need a break from her."

I would never ask them directly of course, but I make no apology for wondering why people like that have children.

OP, you talk such rubbish. Self esteem issues or just out to offend others?

I can say with absolute confidence - you'd be pretty hard pushed to find someone else loving their child more than I love my son. (I am aware most of us feel that way, of course - but from my point of view, it's impossible to love more than completely. If that makes any sense at all! )

And here is where OP's "point" falls flat: I chose to work part-time.

Whether or not you've done both I don't know, but I have: I stopped working when I had ds. The first couple of months were bliss, but then I started getting a bit depressed. Which is, of course, not good for a child.

Since I've started working again, I've been so much better in all aspects of my life. Most of it ds - we have fun together. Learn, laugh, relax. I love my job, I love my son. I'm good at both again.

And you want to seriously argue that I can't love my son because I chose not to stay at home 100% of the time? You don't know what you're talking about.

Because nannies/ CM's wouldnt have a job................how about that for a ridiculous answer to a ridiculous question?

DuellingFanjo Fucking brilliant! CONGRATULATIONS!

OP YABU. Not everyone can afford to SAH. I'm a SAHM through choice because DH earns enough for me to do this. Not everyone is able to afford this option though and I understand there are also those who enjoy their career and having family life too.

Is it really that easy that the dad can go out to work and the mum can claim benefits because she doesn't want to work? Seriously.

DH works. I stay at home. We get child benefit and that is all. I think there should be an allowance for mums to be at home like in France where you can stay at home for 2 years and the state gives you some money, but it is our choice to go without extra things and for me to be at home.

Hey NormaSF. Where have you been?

YABU
you bored and looking to stir things up a bit?

I have always worked full-me, apart from 3 x Maternity Leave.

Why did I choose to have children when I wanted to continue to work?

Well, to look after me when I am old, of course

OP are you referring specifially to mothers staying at home and not going out to work?

My DH's grandma actually asked me this very same question - ie surely I wasn't going to work full time after DD was born, I mean if I was what was the point in having her

Leaving aside the very obvious point that some people need to work to pay the bills/mortgage, and that others came to parenthood by mistake, I have a slightly different perspective.

Yes, we could live, probably quite comfortably on what DH earns, and I am lucky to have a great (3 day a week) part-time job, but if I couldn't work part time I'd work full time because in my career if I took 5 years out I'd be so obsolete I wouldn't be able to work again. And then what would I go when they were all at school? And I really like my job, and its well paid enough to cover good childcare (a nanny, who the kids love very much) with enough over to make it worthwhile financially.

And in anycase even full time employees don't work 24/7 - DH works hard but still is totally hands on Dad at weekends, mornings, (some evenings) and on holidays. We always makes sure that one or other of us is home to put the kids to bed, would never ever leave this to our nanny.

Think you posted this just to wind people up.

troll-la-lol-la-lol

I like working with young children,I enjoy the job and all it entails,I am fortunate in that I am 'very good' with babies and children and that I am able to pursue this in my job as a nursery nurse- some mums are brilliant brain surgeons some mums drive buses very safely some mums care for elderly people......as a mum you choose your own lifestyle and if that means you work well then you work......we cant all sit at home having facials (done by a mum who is a dermatologist) if we didnt have mums in the workplace the whole place would grind to a halt.

Working mums are amazing imo.

**disclaimer- through circumstances I am a sahm at the mo.

I was talking about when both parents choose to work fulltime.

Someone said what benefits can they claim - child tax credits.