Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we should look after our own children?

423 replies

ContentedVanilla · 13/06/2010 15:28

Why do people choose to have children if they don't want to actually do the job of looking after them? What are you getting out of it if someone else is looking after them?

If you and your partner both want a full time career then why have you chosen to have a child?

I'm not just being a bitch, I really am genuinely curious as to what people's reasons are and what makes them want children.

I read on another thread that a lady dreads the days she is not at work but at home with her child. Is it a case of not realising what it will really be like until you've done it?

OP posts:
FabIsGettingFit · 13/06/2010 16:27

Not everyone CV and they are hardly enough to make a real difference compared to what working would bring you.

Tortington · 13/06/2010 16:27

so how many people can actually afford to stay at home and look after their children.

whilst at the same time participating in a consumerist capitalist society?

how many people can afford to be home owners and have one partner not work.

How many people can afford to rent and have one partner not work?

how many people can afford to be home owners, be a single parent and not work?

from your OP i can summerise that
a) you haven't really thought about your theory
b) you think only rich people should work
c) you think everyone should claim benefits.

either you are suggesting that the tax payer foot the bill (further) for people to stay at home and look after their children

or you are suggesting that people ought to be in a committed relationship for now and throughever time AND that one partner should be able to afford to work to support his (presumably) female SAH partner/wife and children.

nickschick · 13/06/2010 16:28

Great news Fanjo .

sarah293 · 13/06/2010 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thumbwitch · 13/06/2010 16:30

Isn't Daveyboy planning to cut CTC though? Then what, OP?

sarah293 · 13/06/2010 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GrendelsMum · 13/06/2010 16:32

Quel bore.

Original poster
ContentedVanilla · 13/06/2010 16:32

I know lots of people who SAH while their partners go to work or work part time and they are affording to live. I don't know many where both parents work full time.

OP posts:
MisSalLaneous · 13/06/2010 16:32

CV, firstly, not all careers lead themselves to part-time roles. Which is why companies have to consider part-time requests, but they are not forced to grant it.

And secondly, where do you think all this extra money for additional tax credits (because, as Fab said, it's not much at the moment) will come from if less people are to pay tax?? You must not be very clever, or you're just not thinking about what exactly you're suggesting.

Tortington · 13/06/2010 16:32

AND there is also the presumption that once you have your children - you want to dedicate your life to them, lay down prone before them and erradicate your sense of self.

for some people they will gladly do this and it suits them - fine.

for some people, the thought of having children is great - aww the babygrows, the matching pram and bag aww how cute. then the baby arrives and it is a monumental monstrostity of life that has befallen you - something you could not of known before hand.

ah yes and then there are those who didn't plan a pregnancy ( or like me) planned a pregnancy and had twins. suddenly a financial situation arises that you couldn't possibly plan for especially if abortion is not an option for you.

satc2bringiton · 13/06/2010 16:39

I LOVE working parents, as I wouldn't have a job without them.

btw agree this must be a wind-up, I can't believe anyone would actually think this.

Tiredmumno1 · 13/06/2010 16:40

Erm maybe some can afford one parent working, but others need both to work. CV you do know not everyone gets paid the same wage. some people are on a low income. did you consider that?

lilolilmanchester · 13/06/2010 16:42

Contended... out of interest, and not being funny, but to what extent has your life changed now you are a SAHM?? the SAHMs I know who slag of working Mums still have a big house, 3 hols a year and some of them have cleaners/gardners/ ironing ladies etc... and didn't find it too hard to leave careers, actually usually "jobs" behind. I don't know anyone who has left behind a tremendously fulfilling role to go into poverty as a result of having a child. And definitely don't know any men who ahve done it -why is it always the Mum who is supposed to give up career/comfort for children, never men. BTW, I have pretty well given up my career for the children, so I am not someone who dreads being at home with my DCs, but understand that it's not as simple as the OP makes out

MisSalLaneous · 13/06/2010 16:44

satc, sadly I don't think it's a wind-up. I've had lots of people say to me when in the park with ds how nice it is to see a happy child with a parent that cares about their children, not like "those working mothers". I usually either say "it's my day off, I work", or I just smile and think they're a bit thick and not worth engaging with.

It is rather funny seeing people trying to back track on my first reply. It's usually "oh, but it obviously doesn't apply to you". Which, if I'm particularly up for fun, I just look at them blankly. Takes about 5 minutes until they decide to leave the play area.

lilolilmanchester · 13/06/2010 16:50

I don;t think it's a wind up. I know lots of SAHMs who live in enormous houses, have 3 or 4 foreign hols a year, don't do any cleaning/ironing/gardening/shopping for themselves and slag off working Mums (some of which do naff all with their kids in their spare time) . That said, I also know lots of women who have given up work because they feel it's the right thing to do, really miss their income but sort it out because they think it's the right thing to do. And I totally respect them. But they aren't usually the ones slagging off the working mums.......

cornsilky · 13/06/2010 16:54

What job did you do before you had children OP. Did you like it? Did it pay well?

Buddleja · 13/06/2010 16:54

Very good point lilolilmanchester

Thinking of all the judgy SAHM I know ALL of them have regular holidays ALL of them have cleaning ladies.

If you are for real OP get over yourself not everyone has a rich husband, or are you suggesting that only woman who married a man for his money have breeding rights?

MisSalLaneous · 13/06/2010 16:55

That's the thing, lilo. I think any intelligent people who actually considered the situation, decided to be a SAHM for their individual reasons, wouldn't slag off the "other group", as they'd have thought it through and would realise that it is the best option for some, just not for them.

You get working mothers who think SAHM are lazy too.

That's just as ridiculous, but says more about the person itself than anything else.

mrsincommunicado · 13/06/2010 16:58

Hmmmm because if you loved the idea of having a baby and then, when it acutally happens and doesn't work out, or your husband leaves you, or gets made redundant, it's very difficult to shove it back up yer fanjo and carry on as if nothing happened....

HappyMummyOfOne · 13/06/2010 16:58

Why should both parents not work full time? Surely its better to have children when you are financially able to afford them rather than expecting the state to pick up the tab.

Children go to school for the bulk of the day so why should parents not work. Will any child realistically look back and remember anything from under the age of 3 anyway?

Do we also want children to grow up believing only the men go to work and the mums stay home?

For some women its the idea that they are contributing to the household finances and not just expecting the DH to provide everything.

Being a SAHM doesnt equal good mum all the time.

For the record, some SAHM's I know all use preschools/playgroups, drop the kids with gran for the day, use sitters at night so do spend a good bulk of the week actually not with their children.

Vallhala · 13/06/2010 17:00

Let's all get out our aprons and start making play-doh, shall we? Thanks for reminding me what I went to a good school and to university for and what all that time, money and investment was all about. I'm sure that making play-doh and singing Baa Baa Black Sheep is far more rewarding.

If the original post isn't a wind-up, it's certainly more than a little dumb-arsed disingenuous.

Bonsoir · 13/06/2010 17:02

"Will any child realistically look back and remember anything from under the age of 3 anyway?"

Do you understand the difference between conscious and unconscious memory?

lilolilmanchester · 13/06/2010 17:02

yup, you can't group everyone together. I know a SAHM who lives in a £3/4 million house, walks round in designer clothes, can buy anything she wants to buy - but is at the beck and call of her DH and DCs.... is actually no more than a cleaner, cook and gardner.... if she did that as a job, she would be on minimum wage, but because her DH funds it, she lives in luxury, and feels she can look down on anyone else who has to work...yet her day to day jobs are actually just those of the cleaning lady who earns next to nothing. Doesn't seem right to me.

toccatanfudge · 13/06/2010 17:02

didn't we have this thread like 2 days ago or something?

lilolilmanchester · 13/06/2010 17:07

dunno, too busy having chosen to have kids, look after them, feed them, ensure homework is done, take part in some of their hobbies - oh, and work for money outside the home.... to keep a minute by minute account of MN threads...

Swipe left for the next trending thread