to be a bit miffed at the 'Mother at the school gates'

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

this weeks Guardian weekend had a 'What I'm really thinking' column written by a mother apperntly disappointed in other mother's lack of attention to their personal appearence. I don't know why it has bothered me so much (maybe it is my hideous hangover after a rare night out but the open disgust she displays in her (anonymous) piece is frankly unsisterly and horrible.

I do not always look glam at pick up - I never wear tracksuits, being of the opinion that they should only be worn if you are doing exercise of some sort. But in the morning particularly I am lucky if I have brushed my hair and not just gathered it in a messy ponytail and I never bother with make up - I save make up for 'going out'. I think pedicures are for people with too much money and time on their hands but as long as feet are relatively clean that is fine.

I see fathers picking up their kids and they are wearing no make up, have messy eyebrows and a distinct lack of stylish clothing but that is ok with our anonymous contributor I am sure. Is it a wife and mothers duty to look nice so they don't show up their children and their husband still wants to sleep with them!? Ick

Sorry I had too get that off my chest - I feel better now (and the Ibuprofen is kicking in as well) Thank you.

This reminds me yet again why, when the time comes, I am going to beg DH to do the drop off. Even if I start off looking like Aunt Sally, by 4 pm I look more like Worzel Gummidge.

it all depends where you live though, doesn´t it?

In London, I was one of the "scruffy" ones, with jeans, a leather jacket and hair in a ponytail and not a follower of fashion.

With exactly the same clothes and hair in a muddy bit of the lovely countryside, other mums tell me I always look so "glamorous" (same jeans, same jacket, same hair. I wear mascara and bit of lipgloss and that consitutes "glamour" if everyone else hasn´t even brushed their hair, and wear jeans even older than mine!)

So I am not even sure what camp I fall into.

These articles and opinions don´t bother me, they are for entertainment.

@Since when did a pedicure become anything other than a way of tattooing your feet with 'I am an airhead with money to burn,' @

oh get over yourself!!!!! millions of clever women have a pedi. rather that than yellowed heels and soles and horn-like toe nails, bleugh

Do you know, I've never had a pedicure, and my feet look fine. I think someones conning you porcamiseria.

you are blessed with nice feet then

Framey/Scottishmummy - re: can't beleive they would print this - the lead article in the family section yesterday was about an elvis fan who is married to a woman 12 years older than him who he met through an elvis fanclub, while she was married to someone else, and they now live in the house formerly owned by the president of the fan club. It was like something out of 'Take a break'*.

• I presume - I've never read Take a Break.

porcamiseria - try a months pedicure cold turkey with some before and after pictures - I think you need to gather some objective data.

I only have a pedicure about once a year! winter time I let them go to their yellow calloused state...

anyway, I digress, and not some manic pedi lover, I just think to call everyone that has pedicure shallow is a teensy bit short sighted

it just comes across that everyones that grooms is a shallow WAGesque airhead and I think its all got a bit black and white

TBH I am quite judgy about what people wear and when I see someone look a mess I think ''there's no excuse to let standards slip just because your a mum.'' Shallow and horrid but that's me! Not that I'm a total glamour puss but I look up to women who dress well and like to take pride in my own appearnace. Since becoming a mum fashion is one thing that transports me away from my life of drudgery!

I don't mind crocs on kids but on adults- yuck!

I'm probably a bit too obsessive about my appearance but then i have a horror of looking mumsy. For me this equates with wearing sportswear as day wear, fleeces, those God awful 3/4 length combat trouser nasties, trainers and a few other items. I have not left the house without make-up in 20 years.

that said I rarely have pedicures/manicures and my naturally curly long hair more often resembles a mane as I can't face straightening it on a regular basis. I do sort of agree with the column. Slummy mummies a v irritating in their smug wholesomeness but yummy mummies are just as galling IMO.

This thread has made me smile. Because I am obe of those mums who has the jeans, walking boots and bobbly fleece at the bus stop each morning. And the reason for that is that I have the dogs in the car and as soon as dd1 is on the bus the rest of us go tromping round the woods for an hour or so with the dogs.

We may not be sartorially elegant, but my kids are all very fit and active. We all splash in puddles and wade through mud, and really make up is a bit wasted on the wildlife. And who could ever tell if my feet are beautifully pedicured in my muddy old walking boots?? We dress for our lifestyle, and the things we need to do, not for anyone else's pleasure!! So shoot me now for choosing to be outdoors and active than perfectly groomed. Sheesh!

Agree with the poster who said a lot depends on where you are. I felp fairly groomed but not excessive when I left South Manc the other eve to visit sister in sheffield the other eve. once there I felt hideously WAG and overdressed with all the posh psuedo hippies and grungy types in the local v "local" pub. Felt like a bit of a barbie but round here just blend in.

I couldn't give a flying fuck if you judge me for wearing a tracksuit and t shirt on the school run. I do it because I am going straight on to the gym or powerwalking immediately after taking my dc in.

I suppose, in order to create the impression that I have not "let myself go" I should get up, showered, dressed and made up, walk dc to school, walk home, change out of nice school run gear, back in to exercise gear, dart from house to car hiding under a big cape for fear of being caught wearing a tracksuit as daywear, go to gym and get sweaty, come home, re-shower and pedicure myself, change back into nice school run outfit in time for 3.30 pickup.

Stuff that!

I expect a lot depends whether you're working or not. I'm on Mat leave at mo so will drop dd off at nursery in sportswear admittedly> Then it's straight to gym to drop ds at the Gym creche before hitting the Gym.

Back at work in Sept though so will have to be smartish. It's only my sister when she was a drugs worker who got away with wearing a tracksuit to work.

Spiteful little piece by someone who is very hung up on her own appearance and clearly hasn't got any friends to talk to at drop off.

hear, hear, bibbetybobbityhat! Some of us actually have a life outside the school run! To me, it is a trivial chore on my full to-do list. It would seem to others it has a far greater significance

I suppose those working mums who do not happen to have white collar jobs could slip home quickly and change into overalls and working boots after the school run: after all, one mustn't let one's standards as a Mum drop. Oh and keep that pickaxe hidden: you're a Mum now! Mums look nice!

Wow, what a spectacularly crap article.

It makes me feel pretty sad to be honest. I hate to go all feministy but SERIOUSLY I hate all of this stupid competitve rubbish that alot of women get involved in over how other women look. If she were actually listening to what they're saying rather than judging she might realise that these women are interesting/funny/friendly human beings no matter what they're wearing!!!! And you know what, my husband believe it or not loves how I look all the time, because he loves me, not my wardrobe.

my dh says i have the wardrobe of cross between a dolly and a elderly french lady.

couldnt care less what people wear on school run but do notice if someone looks nice obviously.

i try to atleast brush my hair!

I read this every week and I always thought it was tongue-in-cheek. Even though they encourage submissions I am sure they make it up anyway to wind people up nad increase readership (?) Anyway, my rules are as follows:

1. Stuff everyone else they are not you and they don't live your life.

1. Appearances are far too overrated - who says anyone looks better for what they wear, who made these rules for fashion?

I never notice what anyone is wearing. I never look in the mirror before I go out. I am really obese and some people chose not to talk to me because they think they might catch it (ok, I am joking, but sometimes you do wonder). I hate going to the hairdressers because the mirror puts me off. But I have learnt not to care - see rule 1.

I don't care at all what anyone else wears.

I am always amazed though that people think if you look smart it takes you hours of preparation, it doesn't actually take longer to put nice looking clothes on than jeans and a fleece, I stick a necklace on and do my eyeshadow in literally under a minute and slap some blusher on, hope people don't think I spend hours in front of the mirror before the nursery run.

I sometimes think that there is a bit of competition going on at our school gates for the crown of "mum who is too busy being a mum to look like a woman"

You mean they look like men? With beards, no breasts etc

There seems to be a strong feeling that there is one way only of looking like a woman and that it is very presumptious and arrogant in a woman to put any other consideration before that. Anyone who looks different is clearly being smug and wholesome and this has got to be stamped upon.

Men of course are allowed to prioritise in any way they want. Because it's not uppity in a man to put other interests first.

But women are there to be seen by others and must bear in min that this is their first duty.