to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

[firstaibu]

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

I'll just say a simple YABU.

She's too young. Order online, it makes life so much easier.

Hmmm this is a hard one. Instinct says that 7 is a bit young and I'm also nervous that you lock the front door in case of fire etc ( Iknow you say she can unlcok the gate at the bottom ofhte garden but what if fire started at that end of house and she couldn't get out through the front because of locked front door). That was waht jumped out at me the most.

I think my kids wouldn't have been ready to have been left at 7 but if yours is then I dont see anythng wrong with it. Main danger is always that they do something unpredictable.

for example my 11 year old left alone decided to cook a pasta sace on the gas - left it on to answer phone and forgot about it and there was very nearly a fire.

You know your child - if you trust her then I think it's fine. I was about 8 when my mum started leaving me at home while she went to the supermarket. YANBU.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I had considered it for my then 7.5 yr old DD, but I had second thoughts and didn't.

I do think she is slightly too young though. Probably about 9 yrs for a sensible child I would think.

I would never have done so when my DDs were that age. I don't think that a 7 yo has sufficient maturity to handle a crisis.

It sounds too young to me but you know your child best. I would only now leave my 9 yr old alone in the house for that length of time but only you know your child.

Thanks for considering it lisalisa. The layout of the house is such that she has free access to the garden through the patio doors from the living room and also from the stairs. It would be less safe if the patio doors were locked and the front open, IYSWIM. I've drilled into her all the safety stuff, and I'm confident she would never try to do anything with the cooker.

And thanks for all the other replies while I was typing that too! I'm glad it's not just a out and out condemnation!

For those of you who think this is unreasonable (I'm ambivalent at 7 - but fine at 9) how many of you have actually had a crisis of a type that a 7 year old coudn"t deal with while in their own home?

Is this a joke?

7 years old? You can't be serious.

Take her with you ffs

i leave my 10 year old for this amount of time, and for the first time yesterday left him with 6 yo ds, just for 10 mins. i felt fine about it, given that they promised to sit still and i know he'd stop her doing anything daft. Plus i bumped into neighbour who said he did the same. but age 7 & on their own, not sure.

Seker - me! We have had 3 birds fly in and go beserk [which freaked us all out and might make a child do something silly like run outside], a feral dog act in a very threateninng way in the garden, a water pipe burst and flooded a room, causing all the electrics to trip so total daarkness, a 400 yo fecking tree collapsed and landed on the drive, missing the roof by 5 meters.....maybe I'm rally unlucky but I wouldn't leave a 7 yo because I think things like this could be utterly scary at best and dangerous at worst.

I was left at 7, but for longer periods of time. I was very sensible on the whole but I once decided I was going to go find my mum. had belly ache and wanted to tell her. I locked myself out and was found wandering later in the day. Once I also decided to help mum by doing the ironing. I got an electric shock, was so dazed I left the iron on and face down, and nearly burnt the place down.

I was quite bright! 7yo's sometimes get notions, because they are 7.

Whilst I am all for encouraging independence I would not leave a 7 yrs old for this long .
My instinct tells me not to. I would be worried the whole time I was out .

I think we should as parents allow our children freedoms that feel right at the time and don't make us think ..hang on am I neglecting this child?

The fact that you are uneasy about it ..answers your question I think.

when i was younger we were always given boundaries by our parents 'don't go past the end of the road' , 'don't play with the kids at no 10' etc - we constantly defied this in total naivety . If my parents knew half the things we did - they would have a heart attack (unless they well remember their own childhoods). Not saying you DC would do anything but don't underestimate young children and the things that they get up to and the tings that gets into thier heads. I wouldn't leave mine even though I know they will probably be 95% ok.

I don't know is the quick answer. When I was 7 I was doing things like making cooked breakfast for my parents (bacon, egg etc in the frying pan) - I can't remember whether or not I was left in the house alone, probably not but because I had younger sibs. I was allowed out by myself to go to friends' houses, cycle around etc. - in fact we were sent out alone to do leaflet deliveries for my parents.

So - you have taken all precautions, your DD sounds like she's very sensible, you have made sure she can phone you if she needs to ask anything - I would say add to her "reasons to phone you" list anything she wants to do to "help" - just in case.

So long as you're not far away and can be home in 5 minutes - YANBU. If it takes you more than 15 minutes to get home - YABmoreU.

I think you are, at that age they get easily in trouble.

Years ago I worked with a woman who left her 2 boys locked at home for half an hour to pop at the supermarket. On her return she found the house on fire and the firemen trying to break in.

The children started playing with matches, got a fire going, got scared, hid under a bed and by the time the firemen found them they have inhaled so much smoke one was gone and the other died in the ambulance.

So... yes, I think YABU.

Seeker, that was kind of my rationale for leaving her at home... I ran through possible crises and they all seemed so unlikely that I decided to do it.

Treedelivery, I think you've been very unlucky! DD has access to the garden, and wouldn't be freaked out by any bird or animal (and we have a dog). I'd never leave her in darkness, and thankfully have no enormous trees nearby.. I take your point though, that sometimes the unexpected happens. I am confident that the first thing she would do in the event of anything troubling her, is ring me.

ggirl, yes, I am uneasy, hence the aibu. I don't think I'm neglecting her, but I don't feel entirely comfortable about it either.

Scanty, she pushes the boundaries on LOTS of things, but on this, I don't think she would. That's my gut instinct, but that, of course, could be wrong.

That is very sad Chandra. I am probably being really silly here, but if the OP had said she had a DS I would have said YABU straight off - because in general boys are more likely to get into mischief (yes, I know it's a gross generalisation).

My DS is only 2.6 so I can't know yet - but I doubt I'll be leaving him at home on his own at that age, unless he grows up very much more than his Dad.

Thanks thumbwitch. I could be home in 5-10 mins from the supermarket. I can remember being left while my mum went shopping at around seven years old - I remember going into the kitchen, filling a mug with sugar, and eating the lot. I can remember my parents at the same age teaching me how to make tea, whereas I wouldn't dream of letting DD handle boiling water yet. Different attitudes then - esp about the fry-up. DD has never cooked anything on the hob, or shown any interest in doing so. I've drilled her and drilled her that she's never to touch any electrical items apart from the telly, sky box, wii and her cd player.

Chandra, that's a very sad story. I don't for a second think that DD would do that (we don't have any matches, either). I actually feel much more comfortable leaving her on her own doing a quiet activity than I would with another child - two minds make mischief!

I have a 7 yr old and he just comes up with crazy ideas. At the moment he wants to be using the toaster etc. Maybe a girl is more sensible, agree that years ago we were allowed to do much more than todays youngsters, but I still wouldn't. What is the legal situation?

Legally? was it 14?

NSPCC say no legal limit. But you could be prosecuted for endangering a minor if anything goes wrong.

If it was just 10 mins I would say fine - I left ds occasionally for that amount of time when he was younger than 7 just so I could belt down the local shop for something but that's quite different to going away to the supermarket for a long shop.

Better to have a bored dd sitting in the car than a horrible worry in the back of your mind all the time. ds usually sits in the comic aisle reading all the mags while I shop!