to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

[firstaibu]

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

I would not leave my 7 year old alone at home. I also would not leave them in the car at the supermarket.

I have left my 11 year old at home but only for about 15 mins. But i don't like to.

I was left alone when I was five, I had to get myself to school and home afterwards until my Mum came home from work. (this was every day) I didn't like it at all and always wanted a grown up to be there for me, but my Mum was a single parent and couldn't afford the childcare.

At school they called me a latch key kid.

As a result of that I made a vow that I would always be there for my dcs and that I wouldn't leave them alone.

I have left 7 year old DD with her 11 year old brother while I've gone to collect my eldest from somewhere, but I must say it wouldn't occur to me to leave DD by herself. Don't think you're being unreasonable as such as you seem confident that she's happy with it and you've covered all the angles, but if it's not crucial why take the risk.

my 10yo doesn't want me to be always there for him

yes, he loves me and enjoys my company, but he also cherishes a little time on his own from time to time

I can understand how someone with ugmum's experience would have a very negative view of even quite an old child being left alone, but that is not going to be the same situation for everyone

I was lucky enough to be brought up in a situation where my parents could gradually let go and where a lot of it was up to me, if I wanted to come with them or stay at home and play

so I am very happy to take the lead of my own dcs in this- if, after a certain age, they prefer staying at home to trundling round the shops, then it's up to them

ds (10) gets enough time round the shops anyway, as 13yo dd tends to take him with her to town on her shopping trips

I might be stating the obvious here but i think its more dangerous to leave kids or pets in a car when the sun is out. I was with my son in a car waiting for my parents to finish shopping last week. I had the doors and window open and it was suffocating with the heat had to get out.
Think there was a case last year of some children being left in a car and dying ? Tragic.

The first time that I was left home alone with my younger brother, there was a gas leak. We were high school age and had seen all the adverts, so we opened all the doors and windows and called the Gas board. They came out very quickly and sorted everything out.

Had we switched on a light, things could have been very different. How unlikely is that - a gas leak when we were home alone? But it still happened.

If there is some urgent reason why the child has to be alone, then I could understand it. But to do the shopping? Personally, I wouldn't take the risk.

It all depends on the child, dd1 is 8 and so sensible I would trust her with more tasks than dh where as dd2 is 6 and won't be allowed out on her own for years! She is just a completely different child with very little common sense when it comes to safety. dd 1 is allowed to walk to the shop down the road on her own which I know raises a few eyebrows but I don't think I would leave her home alone even though I know thats probably safer than walking to the shop. Irrational double standards I know.

I wouldn't leave my 7 yo for more than 5 mins. This is how long it takes to drop dd to school if 7 yo is ill. I walk as I worry I'll have a crash and won't be able to get home to him. I leave 9.6 yo dd for no more than 10 minutes if ds is going a club (Beavers/Karate) and she wants to stay behind to read/watch TV. I am a worrier who stuggles not to over protect .

However, on the Continent (including those child friendly Scandinavian countries) a 9yo would certainly not be considered too young to stay at home alone. My Swedish nephew, who was a very PFB, opted out of after school club aged 9 and noone batted an eyelid. When dd was 12, she and her Swedish friends went off to the beach together and that again was considered perfectly normal: by that age you are expected to have basic life-saving skills.

They don't actually have more accidents or child deaths in those countries, though I can't imagine life is actually any safer.
What surveys have shown is that British children (and teens) are more prone to risky behaviour. Hard to know why, but I like to think that with responsibility and proper training comes maturity- at least for some.

You say you leave the patio door open into the back garden. Last year my neighbours had left their back door open one afternoon, and all 4 of them were in the front room watching TV. Their 13 year old went into the kitchen to get a drink and came face-to-face with an intruder who had jumped the fence and come in through the door. As it was he ran, but he could have had a weapon and decided to use it.

Would your 7-year-old cope with that?

I can see exactly where you are coming from, and I had a child in my Y3 class a few years ago who was walking home on her own regularly (although mum was at home waiting for her), and she was fine, very sensible and I only had slight qualms about it. I am also of the mindset though that an hour is too long to be left alone at that age.

but what if something happens to you?

What wold happen if someone broke into your house?

you have a car accident? something happens at the supermarket? Yes I know these are all one in a million scenarios but what IF you are the one?

Who would know your DD is at home on her own?

I feel 7 is too young? Me and my bro were left at home when we were that age. My bro made friends with some local teenagers who used to come into our house drink all the beer in the fridge and stole money and jewellery from my parent bedrooms.

We had been warned NOT to go out but we still did! We had been warned not to let people in but we did (cos they were friends so we thought!)

I dont think I would leave them alone until at least 11. Its a personal choice but could you live with the consequences?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE will someone explain to me why it would be better for a 7 year old to be with you in the crashed car than safe at home watching the telly?

Have not read all the posts, but good god, YABU! I dont care how responsible she shows she is, she is still 7. If anything was to happen, are you prepared that SS will be breathing down your neck faster than you would realise?

She doesnt want to come to the supermarket? Shes 7! Is not up for discussion, she gets in the car and goes with you! End of!

You know your child best. DD1 is 7 and I leave her at home to do errands in the village (up to about 15 mins, taking DD2 to the childminder for example) but I wouldn't yet leave her while I was going on a car journey.

too young. Yabu.

These threads always make me fearful - the 'not leaving your 9 year old for 5 minutes' school of parenting - too easy for it to lead to clueless 16 year olds who have no idea how to deal with unpredictable situations or look after themselves. The 'knife in toaster' scenario could surely happen while you were in the next room?! Likewise the nasty man at the door (how unlikely!) - do you not let them in the garden by themselves at 7 in case someone calls over the fence?! At that age, if your childrens safety relies solely on your presence, I'd be very worried indeed. The NSPCC guideline seems totally bonkers to me - a normal 11-year-old not sensible enough to know that matches and knives are dangerous?! Wow.

I'd actually have more concern in this case about OPs daughter feeling scared and lonely at home. I know that, independent as I was as a child, I hated being left on my own in the house though I'd never have admitted it to anyone - least of all my parents - in a million years. It always sounded nice in theory, but in practice there were too many monsters in the cupboard

So seeker do you never take your kids out in the car then? you dont expect to have an accident!

Using your logic its better the parent is in the supermarket and the child is home alone with it on fire then?

and incidentally, Coca-

'dd 1 is allowed to walk to the shop down the road on her own which I know raises a few eyebrows'

this kind of things makes me want to emigrate!! - from my experience on the continent it would raise eyebrows if 8-year-olds weren't doing that alone by that age! Cue mutterings about being raised in cotton wool etc.

Hi, I wouldn't consider it at 7 tbh. The chances of anything unexpected happening are much higher than you may think. Stats show most injuries to children occur in the the home and from quite boring activities. Working in a&e I have seen children from the following in the last year alone:

Tripping over carrying a drink - Broken Nose
Falling down 4 steps - dislocated shoulder
Choking on a biscuit - Thanks to quick parents response no long lasting damage.

Even the most sensible 7 year old can get into difficulty and without an adult there to help immediately could quickly get distressed with a situation then becoming life threatening.

We also see the injuries from poisening and scalding and have heard many parents telling us how sensible their children normally are. Thankfully most children recover but only with emergency medical treatment and if a child is on their own they may not be in a position to leave the house to get help or even reach the phone to call for help.

I hope you don't think I'm being over dramatic but these things really do happen.

Maybe popping down the road is ok but a whole hour is a long time IMO. We did this at 9.

Here in Switzerland the DC start walking to school alone at about age 6/7yo. My 8yo DD would be allowed to do so but we live up the hill from the school and there are no footpaths along the busy road. And I have to take 6yo DS who is just not sensible enough to let him go (no road sense whatsoever)

DD went to the park/beach yesterday with a friend, alone.

And to the toaster - my cousin was about 16yo when he wrecked a toaster by putting a knife into it "to see what would happen". Toaster blew up, parents bought new toaster and he did it again, "to see if it would happen again". He was old enough to get married, but was still doing stupid stuff like that.

Am in the Cory and Seeker camp. No one answers the question, do they ?

what if ? what if ? what if you took the zillion-to-one chance that ..... you leave your kid and a alien spacecraft transports to zog-a-loo-loo, and your child dies from starvation, from being left alone for 25 minutes.

people are hysterical about the odds of something happening.