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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

445 replies

firstaibu · 08/06/2010 23:55

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

OP posts:
PurpleLostPrincess · 09/06/2010 01:38

Why on earth can't she come into the shop with you? I know it's not exactly an interesting exercise for many kids/mothers but we all have to do it!

My main fear would be, what if you had a car crash or something happened to you while you were out - who would know that she is sat at home?

DD2 is nearly 12 and we're just starting to leave her at home if we pop out, but never for more than a few hours. She is very sensible and actually likes having a little time to herself and to have the remote to herself lol. But at 7 years of age, sorry but there's no way I would have left her at home alone.

PurpleLostPrincess · 09/06/2010 01:39

Sorry, I meant DD1... DD2 is 2.9 lol

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/06/2010 01:50

No flaming here - but I personally think this is a bit young

I have been leaving my 9 and three quarters DS alone for periods up to half an hour, for around a year, but feel entirely comfortable with that

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 09/06/2010 02:18

Depends. I can imagine a hypothetical 7.5 year old who might be fine with it, but I can't imagine that mine would be ready at that age and obviously don't know your DD.

Jamiki · 09/06/2010 05:06

YABU, how worth it would it feel to have gone shopping alone or not 'bothered her' by making her acccompany you if something tragic happened.

Stranger at the door.

Fire.

Sudden onset illness.

etc.

And that you are a whole hour. And how often are we delayed in the shops dragging one hour into two.

I have a 7yo DD and understand the desire to 'trust' them alone but it's not about trusting them but being responsible yourself.

Fear always gets the better of me.

lolapoppins · 09/06/2010 07:17

I was very often left alone from that age. My motherbwas a district urse in the large village we lived in, so in the school hols she wod leave me at home while she went on visits.

Outwardly, I was full of bravado and used to say I was fine etc. I remember being petrified the whole time, it was awful. Occasionally there would be a knock at the door and I still remember the fear as I hid.

My ds is also 7.5, far , far to young to be left alone IMO.

lolapoppins · 09/06/2010 07:19

Wod, would. Bloody Iphone.

rainbowinthesky · 09/06/2010 07:47

No way. I would be careful who you tell that you are doing this too.

Db was a very sensible and trusted child left alone at 10. He played with matches and ended up setting fire to our house by accident. He sat in the kitchen waiting for the fire engines to come because he was soo sensible. Fortuntely a neighbour rescued him as we never used to lock the front door.

EveWasFramed10 · 09/06/2010 07:47

I was 7 when my mum popped to shops without me, and I was fine. Plopped on sofa and watched what I wanted on telly. Knew better than to do anything else, and neighbors were close if anything happened.

YANBU...if she's sensible and can handle herself in an emergency, then she'll be fine.

rainbowinthesky · 09/06/2010 07:48

dd is nearly 7 and I think twice about leaving her downstairs with our dogs never mind leaving her with them while I went shopping.

SPBHatesFootball · 09/06/2010 07:54

I would love to know whether statistically she's safer in the car reading or in the house.
No flaming at all OP - in the car is 'acceptable' but in the house isn't for whatever reason.

posieparker · 09/06/2010 07:54

At seven? Jesus Christ.

So she would never answer the door if someone said it was the Police? Never stick a knife in a toaster for a stuck piece of toast? Never fall down the stairs?

Totally irresponsible and reckless.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 09/06/2010 07:54

I simply wouldn't be able to do this. What if something happened to you on your way to/return from the supermarket. Your little girl would be all alone wondering where you were. For safety's sake, I'd either a) take her with me or b) shop online. You'd never forgive yourself if something went wrong.

posieparker · 09/06/2010 07:56

And she should be made to do things she doesn't want at seven....

Manda25 · 09/06/2010 07:57

My son is 7 (8 in October) he is sensible and mature for his age and in principle he is more then ready to be left home alone for an hour. Would i actually leave him tho ?? Hell no he is 7 !!....but then i wouldn't leave him in the car for an hour either.

Saying that (and sorry to jump on your thread) i do however leave him in the school playground (with a friend when she arrives) at about 8.40 (10 mins before the bell) and with plenty of other mums about - and feel uneasy about this - but i need to get to work for 9. So i do sometimes wonder if i am BU.
A friend was telling me about this terrible parent at her school who does this and was shocked when i said i did the same.

SloanyPony · 09/06/2010 07:59

Look I doubt I'd do it just for the supermarket (not that I go, I do online too!) but if I for instance had a sick 7 year old home from school with a temperature or tummy bug or something, and I wanted to run an older child to school quickly (school run - 10 minutes tops) I wouldn't drag her out in her PJ's with a sick bucket, I'd leave her in bed with a phone, etc. There's not a lot can happen in that time and the statistical probability of anything untoward happening on a radom, ad hoc instance of this is practically nil.

Probably not for supermaket shop...but popping to the shop for a pint of milk, I just might if she were a sensible child who was totally disinterested in coming too.

CoupleofKooks · 09/06/2010 08:00

hmm
i tend to think i am quite relaxed about these things
i personally think it is ok for short periods if a sensible 7 y o as you describe, but think an hour is a bit long
i can see it is inconvenient for you both, but think you would be better off taking her for now, unless it's just a half hour visit to local one stop, or until she is 8 or 9

apart from anything else OP, if your neighbours notice what you are doing, you may well get a call from SS, and i can assure you that you do NOT want your whole parenting and lifestyle scrutinised by them

MumInBeds · 09/06/2010 08:05

I would say that seven is too young regardless of maturity. I'd also say seven is too young to be left in the car while you're in the supermarket - there are just as many risks there as at home, just different ones.

What is stopping your dd going to the supermarket with you? Some jobs just have to be done and children need to learn that.

majafa · 09/06/2010 08:05

It is difficult isnt it, but Have to agree with the poster who mentioned, what would happen to the child if you were to have an accident whilst you were out, knocked unconscious/fatal even, who would know she was home alone?
My two are almost 9 and 12 and I wouldnt leave them alone at home together or seperatley, especially the almost 12 yr old he really hasnt got a clue with regards to his own safety let alone keeping an eye on his brother as well!!

Lizzylou · 09/06/2010 08:06

YABU, I couldn't leave a child that young for an hour.
Though I do have 2 boys (6 and 4) who sound very different to the sensible girl who you describe.

Personally I just couldn't do it though.

piscesmoon · 09/06/2010 08:09

'My main fear would be, what if you had a car crash or something happened to you while you were out - who would know that she is sat at home? '

I am always surprised at the amount of people who would rather the DC was in the car crash with them than safe at home!!

It depends on 3 things

  1. The DC is happy and secure about it.
  2. You know that they will stick to instructions.
3.They know who to get in an emergency if they need someone quicker than 10 minutes.

I wouldn't do the supermarket at that age, but I would certainly do the local post office or things taking 10/15 minutes and work up.
However, even having boys, I know that they would stick to the rules. They would not stick in a knife in the toaster because they wouldn't be making toast and they wouldn't answer the door to anyone because I had told them not to.

By and large you get what you expect. If you expect your DCs to be irresponsible and silly they will live up to it!

Northernlurker · 09/06/2010 08:10

I believe 8 is described as the age when you can trust them to remember every time how to cross a road safely. I've always thought that was a useful marker and I wouldn't have left mine alone before that age. I'm sure she is very sensible but 7 is young.
Last week I left dd1 and dd2 alone for a couple of hours on two successive days. It worked really well and they were perfectly happy but dd1 is 12 and dd2 is 9.5. Dh had reservations but I was confident they'd be fine and I was only 10 minutes away. I'm not going to flame you bt I do think you need to think about not doing this for a while. Her not wanting to come to the supermarket isn't a good reason to leave so young a child at home. You're the parent, you're in charge. Take her with you and make her get out of the car and help!

colditz · 09/06/2010 08:15

I still lock my kitchen door at night to keep my 7 year old out of the medicine cupboard, which he lurves to rootle in.

I wouldn't even consider it.

All you need to do is knock the door and say "Open up darling, it's Mike, I work with your mummy - I just need to quickly pick up an envelope for her. Hurry up, you don't want me to tell her you were naughty when she trusted you to be good, do you?"

7 year olds are VERY easy to manipulate.

piscesmoon · 09/06/2010 08:15

You can trust some DCs at 7 yrs and you can have some DCs you don't trust at 17yrs-there is no hard and fast rule.

lazarusb · 09/06/2010 08:23

What's more important- your shopping or your dc? I just wouldn't be comfortable with it, you predict accidents etc...