Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

445 replies

firstaibu · 08/06/2010 23:55

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

OP posts:
sanfairyann · 09/06/2010 11:45

out of interest is it the same people who wouldn't leave the 7 year old in the house who also wouldn't let them go to the park by themselves/walk to the shop by themselves/play out front by themselves?

tbh I wouldn't leave ds1 for an hour - it seems a bit long. but then again I let him go to the park or to friends for an hour so maybe that is a bit irrational. I'd happily leave him if he wanted (which he always does) while I run errands - up to 15/20 mins maybe,usually 5 or 10 mins though. He's always been years ahead in maturity and responsibility. his younger brother otoh is not getting left by himself for years yet and nor would he want to. he would be frightened and not enjoy the experience. I would never ever just go out though (eg while they were sleeping) and not tell them - that really is irresponsible - who knows what a child who's just woken up and can't find his parents will do?

sanfairyann · 09/06/2010 11:48

rofl at the ironing idea. like my kids would know what an iron is . how fantastic if they started doing the ironing cos they knew mum was often tired . your kids are waaaaaaaay nicer than mine

treedelivery · 09/06/2010 11:54

I let dd play out of my sight. If she can come and find me if she is frightened etc then I think that is a good half way house between being coddled and being on her own in an uncomfortable situation. My dd is only 5.5.

I do have very clear memories of being left as a child and they 'aint good!

coll2010 · 09/06/2010 11:57

Sanfairyann, yes I am one of those who in addition to not leaving a 7 year at home, would not let them walk to the park, play out front or walk to the shops on their own.

mamatomany · 09/06/2010 12:02

My nearly 10 year old is just about allowed to walk to the local shop with one road to cross and then only with another 9/10 year old. I would leave her in the house for up to 15 mins.
7 is too young, what's the hurry, you'll have years of leaving her when she doesn't want to come with you.

Bramshott · 09/06/2010 12:07

"I would never let my DC come home to an empty house even when they got older. Had one occasion walking home when a boy of about 14 came screaming out of his house.

He'd just arrived home from school, let himself in with his key and found 2 men in the house robbing it."

But surely that would be equally scary as an adult? You can't protect children for ever-more, however much you want to, and by trying to do so, you are doing them no favours at all. All you can try to do is give them the tools to make sensible decisions for themselves, otherwise at 18 they will be in serious trouble!

hatwoman · 09/06/2010 12:07

I would say it's ok if there are two more factors, in addition to what you already mention - firstly a neighbour who is in, and to whom your dd would happily go to in an emergency, and secondly a supermarket that is close - so you can be home in a few minutes if needs be. oh and a loud mobile that you will always hear

mophead5 · 09/06/2010 12:07

I don't agree that mumsnetters are 'anxious types'.
you just have to imagine how you would feel if something did happen to them...look at Kate Mcann.

winnybella · 09/06/2010 12:10

YANBU.

Or rather it depends on the child. I've been leaving DS since he was 7 for 30-40 minutes to go to the shop. We live in a flat with doorcodes and interphone downstairs so perhaps there's less risk of an intruder. He is responsible, intelligent and knows what to do in an emergency, knows not to open the door even if someone says that I'm in hospital or whatever, he has no inclination to play with the cooker etc and obviously has a phone to hand to call me just in case.

I think there's quite a lot of paranoia on this thread, sorry. If your child is quite immature for his or her age-fair enough. But otherwise...

imahappycamper · 09/06/2010 12:13

What if something happens to you while you are out?
My sister used to pop to the shops leaving her baby asleep in his cot and my thought was always "What if you have an accident and no one knows he is there?"

piscesmoon · 09/06/2010 12:15

I think that the pendulum will swing the other way eventually-the present generation will rebel and see the need for DCs to be given some responsibilty and independence.

What would your 7 yr old do if they were alone with you in the house-you tripped at the top of the stairs and knocked yourself out? Would they sit and cry for 5 hours until DH came home-or would they use their initiative? Or is it impossible that disaster would strike because you are there?

cory · 09/06/2010 12:16

MintHumbug Wed 09-Jun-10 11:14:10
"cory - the girl had been trained - she was intimidated into opening the door by a persistant man who convinced her that she was in danger (the boiler)."

Which shows she had not been trained in the one vital thing: ringing for assistance when a situation gets out of hand.

Besides, as I keep repeating, most mothers could not protect their dcs from a violent assailant.

"I would never let my DC come home to an empty house even when they got older. Had one occasion walking home when a boy of about 14 came screaming out of his house.

He'd just arrived home from school, let himself in with his key and found 2 men in the house robbing it."

Yes, but there is no reason this scary scenario couldn't happen in a few years time when he will be living alone, maybe at the other end of the country from his parents. As a university teacher, I am all for training them before they hit their university towns, I see enough clueless teenagers to give me sleepless nights. Some have never been allowed to boil a kettle or have any responsibility of their own until they are dumped in a strange town full of alcohol and dodgy boilers.

The boy in your scenario did do the right thing though- and exactly what his mum would have done if she had come with him. Which shows he was mature enough.

MintHumbug · 09/06/2010 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

luciemule · 09/06/2010 12:23

whether or not it's right, I would worry that if anything did happen (say your dd ended up in hospital/fire etc), social services would probably be informed saying you'd left the 7 yr old alone whilst you were at supermarket and they could say you were being neglectful.
Why not just take her with you and get her to help you shop and bag pack?

cory · 09/06/2010 12:25

I actually agreed about 7yos being on the young side, at least my 7yos were.

But my latest post was in response to a poster who said she would not be leaving her older children either, and who thought a 14yo was too young. That, to my mind, is worrying.

Oblomov · 09/06/2010 12:31

pisces, I don't see that happening soon. I think its gettign worse. I remember having a discussion, with Twiglett, about 5 years ago, hoping that it would swing back to sensible. but it doesn't seem to be . this cotton wooling has got worse in the last 5 years. more over-protection. more anxiety. more, i must take my 17 year old to uni open days. its getting worse i tell you.
I don't think this change that i hoped for, back to a happy medium, is going to happen any time soon. prob not in the next generation.
do you really think it will ?

scanty · 09/06/2010 12:41

cory Wed 09-Jun-10 08:36:20

Or do people genuinely feel they would rather their child also had a fatal accident (or stood on the sidelines watching their mum being killed) rather than stay in the house alone?

I have never been able to get anyone to answer me this, and I know seeker has tried too.

I saw a documentary once that horrified me. A grandmother left her 2 very young GC in the car while she just popped across the road to the chemist rather than wake them. She was knocked down and taken to the hospital. In the ambulance she tried to explain that she had left the kids in the car. The Ambulance men went back and tried to find them. They both died as it was a very hot day. Know it's not the exactly what you were getting at and they might have been hurt if with the GM anyway but just shows that weird shit happens and you would never forgive yourself (the GM couldn't).

cory · 09/06/2010 12:46

Yeah well, in that case the problem was not leaving children alone as such, but leaving them in a place where they could die from heat exposure and where they were unable to call for assistance.

This scenario has no relevance to that of a 7yo left alone in his/her own house, with access to a phone.

treedelivery · 09/06/2010 13:28

I was left on my own at 7 and it was horrid.

itsnotfatitsinsulation · 09/06/2010 13:36

I've namechanged to post this so it doesn't come back to haunt me

At the weekend my Mum took my 2 DCs (7 and 2) to her caravan. On Sunday morning, having run out of milk she left them both in on their own to drive the mile or so to the nearest shop. She told the 7yo to go to a neighbouring caravan if there was a problem. She took her mobile. There isn't a spare or a landline in the caravan. Dont know if she locked the door or not (probably did).

I wont tell DP 'cos he'd hit the roof. If I had kicked up a fuss she would have fobbed me off.

She has done 'worse' before. But what am I supposed to do- ban her from having them?

She thinks parents these days are way too anxious.

ILovePlayingDarts · 09/06/2010 13:37

7 years old is too young to be left on their own. While NSPCC advice is 12 years, what about the 11 year olds that start attending their local secondary school, which is the age they transfer up to "big" school in our area? At that age, I will be allowing my dcs to walk to school on their own, as I did.

swanandduck · 09/06/2010 13:41

I think it's way too young. As someone has already said, what if something happened to you and she was on her own for ages.

Any unexpected thing could happen to her, also, while you are out. Supposing she fell down the stairs? Or some idiot teenagers started shouting in the window and frightening her? Or she choked on a crisp?

All of these things have happened to my children in the last year. But luckily I was there to sort things out.

MintHumbug · 09/06/2010 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 09/06/2010 13:50

I couldn't do it, but then I won't even let ds (nearly 6) get up in the morning on his own.

jellybeans · 09/06/2010 13:53

YABU. I was OK with 13 year old on own and 10/11 if two of them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread