to leave seven year old DD alone at home for short periods?

[firstaibu]

I've name changed for this as am fearing a flaming...

I'm not talking about leaving her for an evening or anything like that, but on several of occasions recently I've left her at home while I go to the supermarket. She didn't want to come with me, and I usually leave her sitting in the car reading when I go to the supermarket anyway. I lock the front door and she knows to ignore it if anyone knocks. She has the cordless phone and knows how to ring my mobile (she has repeatedly demonstrated this to me), and also how to ring 999. In an emergency, she could unlock the gate at the bottom of the garden to get out into the street. I phone her at least once while I'm out. She's seven and a half, and reasonably sensible; I'm confident that she just sits and reads, or plays the wii. I'm never gone more than an hour.

I know a lot of you will think I'm being very U, but is there anyone out there that does this too, or doesn't think I'm a horrendously neglectful parent?

wow, good link prettybird! v. interesting!

A child won't become "aware of the dangers of the outside world" if they're left at home whenever it doesn't suit them to go out!

A child will become aware of the dangers of the outside world if they are allowed out without mother!
They need to assess risk for themselves-it is no good someone else doing it for them.

If you leave a DC at home and you don't turn up when expected because you have been in an accident then you would expect a DC of 7 yrs or older to firstly phone your mobile and secondly phone one of the other numbers that you have given them.
My mind is still boggling that so many people think this is dreadful for the poor DC. I can't get my head round the fact that if in a car you want the DC in there with you-even if they are unhurt it is going to be traumatic to have mum unable to communicate. If walking and a car mounts the pavement do you really want them a, to be hit with you or b, watch you being hit?!!
I know for certain that I would rather have mine at home so that a, they were not involved b, didn't witness it. Even if they didn't use their initiative and get help and cried hysterically, I think this is better than being with you!
If this thread goes on for another page or so, sooner or later another person will say 'but what if I am in an accident and can't tell anyone they are alone at home?'. Weird.

The "accident" argument is ridiculous but it's really just an illustration of something that could cause you to be late home indefinitely.
I don't think anyone is actually saying they'd rather their child was in an accident

I can't see what else it is vmcd!

What if I was in an accident? If DC was with them does this mean that it wards off accidents? Surely if they leave home at a particular time with or without the DC they will have the accident.
Time after time it is cited that poor DC will be traumatised-I think they will be more traumatised to be at the scene of the accident when mother is in such a bad way that she can't talk.

I agree that it is a ridiculous argument-people need a different one.

But vmcd68 - being left alone at home is one way of starting that process of judging risk and building confidence.

Elsewhere in that report they talk about the the proportion of UK seven and eight year old children travelling to school without adult supervision having fallen from 80 per cent to less than 10 per cent between 1971 and 1990. And yes, traffic is one constituent reason for that - but other countries have more chidlren walking and there are also ways of engineering safe practices, for example earlier in the rpoert it mentions an experiment in Odense, Denmark, for example, safe cycle routes and a sustained safety campaign led to two-thirds of children using bicycles to travel to school ? and an 80 per cent reduction in accidents.

I leave my DD who is 9 in 3 weeks alone in the house while I walk my DS around the block in his pram at nap time. I don't go too far from home and I keep popping my head in from time to time. Usually takes 5 to 10 minutes.

I was being facetious saying they won't learn if they're left at home, just pointing out that any argument or statistic can be argued either way

Pisces, all I was saying was I think people are just using that as one example of why u might not get home as planned. I can give a very specific example of one day that I was 4 whole hours late home. Nothing bad or traumatic happened. There was an incident at the shopping centre, and the mall was sealed off, with us all inside, and banned from using mobile phones. I know this is a one-off but it happened, and id have been frantic if I had a 7yo at home waiting.

I am all for independence and being trusted. But it's one thing leaving a young child while you go for a walk or something, compared to going out to do a weekly shop.
Everyone is able to make their own judgement on these things, and the op asked what people thought, and my opinion is that 7 is too young, esp if they end up in an unexpected and scary situation

Pisces, I see you're still looking for an answer to your point. I would imagine when people say 'What if you were in an accident, the child would be worried etc etc' they are suggesting it would be better they were not left at home alone and instead were with a neighbour or baby sitter. I am pretty certain there is no one on earth who would think a child would be better off involved in a car accident.

YABU for all the reasons given above...

Coll2010, good point well made - there are more than two options!

I worry about the locking her in bit, as already said...in case of fire.......unless of course there is a key or like our door a latch she can use to get out, but still means the doors locked from the outside??.......

but generally, no, YANBU, you know your child, your house & the area you live better than any one here.........

TBH, I do similar with my own DD & its only her, so no siblings to worry about, & shes the same age, extremely sensible, can use the phone, can get out, but no-one can get in, & the Supermarket is at the end of our road, so its never more that 20 minutes, usually less

I personally think in those circumstance, it can be a good thing, as it lets her know shes trusted & instills self confidence, & lets face it, it can be hard these days to allow Kids the freedom we had to grow & gain that kind of confidence, especially living in towns & cities.

though I can appreciate we all live in different situations, so it can't ever be a 1 rule fits all, we have to weigh it up based on our own circumstance.

Unless things have changed recently, it used to be, there is no actual law on this, only guidelines

I wouldn't

YABU. You have considered the practicalities of coping with an emergency but not the fact that most 7 year olds would not have the maturity to do so - it's all very well saying she can get out of the house or she can phone...chances are she will be too busy panicking/crying/feeling scared to do be able to do so.

' There was an incident at the shopping centre, and the mall was sealed off, with us all inside, and banned from using mobile phones. I know this is a one-off but it happened, and id have been frantic if I had a 7yo at home waiting.'

This would be a situation where you used your initiative and go to the person in charge and make arrangements for a neighbour or friend to go and rescue the DC. As a resonsible adult you don't meekly stay there for 4 hours saying nothing!
I agree that would make a difference coll-but people should say so as part of the argument-they haven't put it that way.

You have to know your DC penguin, if you think they will panic/cry then you don't leave them! This is the reason that I wouldn't-I know my DC. However I would go for 5/10 mins at the age of 7 yrs-again because I know my DC.

piscesmoon - This would be a situation where you used your initiative and go to the person in charge and make arrangements for a neighbour or friend to go and rescue the DC. As a resonsible adult you don't meekly stay there for 4 hours saying nothing!

Why put yourself in that situation n the first place!!!

Neglectful, neglectful, neglectful.

I wouldn't actually do it-cherrymama! To go off to a shopping mall leaving a 7 yr old at home isn't necessary and is irresponsible!

I was just rather annoyed by someone using it as an argument and saying that she would meekly wait for 4 hours and not do anything about the DC!! It would be classed as an emergency and someone in authority would deal with it as such.

I have said over, and over again that I wouldn't leave a 7 yr old to go to the supermarket but I would try and leave them for 5 mins to start with so that I could work up to it. It is very sad if people can't leave a normal, reasonably sensible 11yr old at home for an hour and I suspect that there are some people who wouldn't leave a 14yr old for an hour (although they might not admit it by that age-even they would feel it was over protective).

If people said that they would leave DC with a neighbour or a babysitter in case they had an accident it would make sense, but if they say they wouldn't leave them at home in case they have an accident it doesn't make any sense at all!

Pisces. Where does it say "I would meekly wait for 4 hours and not say anything about dc"?!?! You were annoyed at me saying that, yet I didn't say anything of the sort!!

as i already said it was purely an actual example of something that has happened to me in the past

I would never have been in that situation with a 7yo at home in the first place

Yet again, everyone is only reading what suits them, and putting words in others' mouths.

If I saw on the news that a 7yo had been injured or worse while their parents were out, I'd be horrified. Yes, things can happen when parents are at home, but it's about minimising the risk, and being there to help if something does go wrong

' There was an incident at the shopping centre, and the mall was sealed off, with us all inside, and banned from using mobile phones. I know this is a one-off but it happened, and id have been frantic if I had a 7yo at home waiting.'

You wouldn't have had a 7 yr old waiting-you would have gone up immediately to the nearest policeman and arranged for someone to go around! You wouldn't do nothing except frantically wait because you couldn't use a mobile. Your DC would actually have someone there earlier than expected.
However-I agree that you wouldn't go to the shopping mall in the first place!
Neither would I leave a 7 yr old for an hour, but I would start with the 5 mins-so that I had worked up to the hour a few years later.
I wouldn't leave them in the car. The home seems a better option than the car.

For those that conceive of leaving a sensible 7 year old on their own - are you equally against the idea of letting a sensible 7 year old walk to school on their own? (I think I know the answer to that, but I am not going to assume)

Pisces, we are agreeing on that point. Of course i wouldnt have panicked at my child being at home for four hours, and no i woyld never have been in that situation in the first place.

I also do agree that a child should build up to being independent eventually, but I think going out on car journey is not where that begins, certainly not at 7.

I left my 6 YO and 4 YO (and sleeping baby) last week for a few minutes. I had a GP appointment that I had been waiting ages for, and DH was supposed to be home. His tube train was very late and he called when the train came out of the tunnel (would be around 15 mins to get home from then). I left the house at the last possible moment to get to the GP and for 10 minutes DH spoke to DD and DS on the phone until he was home.

Perhaps I shouldn't have done it but I weighed up the risk and decided not to miss the GP appointment - I felt more comfortable as they were on the phone to DH the whole time.

re: walking home, we live on same road as a primary school, no roads, DD doesn't go there, but if she did I would let her walk home.

unbelievable