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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nightmare kid at DD's school - WWYD

224 replies

jendaisy · 08/06/2010 23:23

DD is 5 and in Year 1. She has been friends with two girls, A & B, since nursery. At nursery the staff noted that when all 3 girls played together there would be arguments, all caused by B trying to run the show and hog A's attention for herself. Wasn't too worried as they were all so little.

Then when DD started school, A did too but B just missed out as she was a few weeks younger. During the reception year DD and A became firm best friends and had lots of play dates etc. They are both very laid back, friendly girls who always play really well together, they can seemingly spend any amount of time together without falling out which I have found is rare for 5 year olds!

Then last Sept B started school and because of the amount of reception kids that year she got put in Year 1 with DD and A, along with half a dozen or so of the eldest reception kids. Since then, B has done nothing but try to jettison A for herself, to the point where it is bloody ridiculous. She forces A to play with her at just about every break (A has told me she does this against her will because otherwise B will kick off and be a drama queen and she is afraid of getting into trouble for upsetting B), and tells DD that it's a game 'just for two people'. Every day after school she is pleading with her mum or A's mum to have a playdate, which does A's mum's head in. She sits next to A whenever she possibly can and according to A strokes her leg in a fawning kind of way...her obsession is a bit weird, she has no interest in making any other friends it would seem.

Because DD is not a pushy kind of girl, and B is bloody forceful and manipulative, she often finds herself shoved out of the trio and whilst she doesn't really get upset by it, from what I gather she spends a lot of playtimes alone as she has lost her best buddy. The daft thing is that despite all this, DD and A both like B and are more than happy to let her play with them, but that is not good enough for B, the only thing that works for her is A's full attention.

I'm good friends with both of the girls mums and A's mum is at her wits end with it all too. B's parents just seem to think that it is 'just B being B', and that all the girls are as bad as each other, but that really isn't the case. She can be downright horrible to DD, for instance after school today she had a play date at A's house and she said to DD 'Ha ha, I'm going to A's house and you're not, you're just going home'. She said this in front of DP and DP had a word with B about that being a pretty mean thing to say. The good thing is it's like water off a duck's back with DD and she is not upset, but I am fuming and have a good mind to have a word with B myself when I collect DD tomorrow.

Sorry, this is probably v boring, but if you are still awake WWYD?

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/06/2010 20:46
Grin
jendaisy · 09/06/2010 20:46

Sorry Jamie!! I am not ignoring you, I just can't type quick enough here! Thanks for your comments, you do seem to understand how I feel and don't think I should be taken away in a rubber van so cheers!!

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/06/2010 20:47

Hurrah! I am feeling sensitive because I have been far too prolific on another thread and the OP has buggered off it seems.

Booboobedoo · 09/06/2010 20:48

Jamie - FWIW I think you have been tolerant and polite in the face of extreme provocation. 'kay?

jen - if B's Mum agrees with your assessment of her daughter then that - along with your mention of B's 'good' older sibling - leads me to suspect that she's probably the family scapegoat.

Which would completely explain her insecutity.

Poor kid sounds like she's the only one really suffering here.

jendaisy · 09/06/2010 20:48
Smile
OP posts:
Scaredofthedark · 09/06/2010 20:49

Jennydaisy, if I knew you in real life I would still reiterate what I've said!!!
Time to let them be children(with all the friendship fallouts) and how to negotiate socialsituations on their own!
Youask ifyou are being unreasonable and most are saying yes!
Take the hint/ideas

P.s you don't really know me irl-do you? Is a name change necessary?

Booboobedoo · 09/06/2010 20:49

insecurity, obviously.

Morloth · 09/06/2010 20:50

You seriously need to back out of this, your DD is going to get a caning if you are this involved when she is a teen. I still remember one poor girl from school whose Mum was like you, playing with her wasn't worth the grief. Now as an adult I think "Poor Kid" but then I just thought, "Crazy Mum, Avoid".

B is just a little kid, she isn't bad, she isn't a bitch, she is just a little kid.

What do you want us to say?

ScreaminEagle · 09/06/2010 20:50

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Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/06/2010 20:50

thankyou for stroking my ego everyone

Back to the OP

thesecondcoming · 09/06/2010 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/06/2010 20:52

yy -

jendaisy · 09/06/2010 20:54

I didn't ask AIBU, it was a WWYD, I was genuinely interested in others opinions on how to handle playground politics as I have no experience of it (as a mother) and was interested in other's experiences.

I did say very early on after receiving just a few posts that I thought the best thing would be do leave the situation to work itself out, unless it gets to the point where DD is becoming really upset by it.

OP posts:
jendaisy · 09/06/2010 20:56

no I don't think I do know you IRL ScreamingEagle. Fear not.

OP posts:
Morloth · 09/06/2010 20:56

But you did post it in AIBU and you keep posting about what an awful child she is.

PixieOnaLeaf · 09/06/2010 20:57

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jendaisy · 09/06/2010 21:00

ScreaminEagle - that's a good point and A's mum has had many discussions with A about sticking up for herself. I think there may be a bit of truth in the fact that A kind of likes the attention though as I'm sure she could be a bit more assertive when it comes to telling B leave her alone. She is the kind of girl who doesn't like to upset people though.

OP posts:
jendaisy · 09/06/2010 21:01

Then IABU for posting on the wrong thread.

Who's game for starting all over again on WWYD?

OP posts:
belledechocolatefluffybunny · 09/06/2010 21:04

No thanks jen. Alot of people have said leave it, this is all you will get.

pollywollydoodle · 09/06/2010 21:12

i thought it was amazing how my dd starting school plunged me straight back into my own feelings about being in the playground when i was younger....i was taken aback by how intense my experience was and how i identified with what i saw as my daughter being left/pushed out....like you i think it bothered me more than her.

I don't think you need to be taken away in a rubber van but you do seem overinvolved and intensely stirred up by this girl...maybe it would be worth thinking if she reminds you of someone you knew and couldn't deal with as a child?

undercovamutha · 09/06/2010 21:46

jendaisy Wed 09-Jun-10 20:44:49
'Pixie - This is what I think re the lies told by B (though I could be wrong of course). Her parents were in their forties when she came along and she was a bit of a surprise. They had one DD who was about to fly the nest so had their social lives back and they are both quite gregarious, partying sorts. They love B to bits but they do kind of carry on with their adult lives and she is expected to muggle along with them. I spend a lot of time taking DD to kiddy related places even though quite often they are awful IYKWIM, but B doesn't really get any of that. So I think she does behave the way she does and make things up for the attention, especially as her two mates, DD and A, both come from homes which are very kid orientated and I think that makes her feel like she is missing out. '

Hoorah - you appear to have developed some empathy!

There are hardly any situations at all that justify calling a 5yo a bitch. YOU are the adult - rise above it all, and be very glad that your DD appears to be well-adjusted and fairly unbothered by these friendship 'wobbles'.

As the mother of a child who can be very 'full-on' with other children, it breaks my heart to hear people being so vicious about small children. They are finding the place in the world, and some are better than others at doing so.

Oblomov · 10/06/2010 08:30

"but they do kind of carry on with their adult lives and she is expected to muggle along with them. I spend a lot of time taking DD to kiddy related places even though quite often they are awful IYKWIM, but B doesn't really get any of that. So I think she does behave the way she does and make things up for the attention, especially as her two mates, DD and A, both come from homes which are very kid orientated and I think that makes her feel like she is missing out"

oh how i would hate to grow up in a kiddy related household. makes me want to vomit. occassional spft play here. but i like it , coz i only do it rarely. child orientated houselhold ? yuk ? bet yuo think you're great being so kiddy orientated. and those thta aren't are denying their children love and attemtion. errr no. not necessarily. i spend lots of time with my children. lots of cuddles and reading books. but they are only one mmeber of this family. not central to the whole world, you know !!

AvrilHeytch · 10/06/2010 10:11

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RedRedWine1980 · 10/06/2010 12:44

Jendaisy- are you Stella from Eastenders?

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