Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my very new bloke

158 replies

iamfabregasted · 05/06/2010 23:23

where I know some, if not all, of my ex-in-laws will be??

Background, XH is a KNOB of the first order, he's said a load of crap, behaved pretty shitty to me.

So, one of his more charming comments was that I'd never find anyone else.

And I've got a new bloke who is lovely.

All his family go to this wee local town every Sunday night - think getting dressed up and cruising round in cars, cars which must be spotless. Its snob central, judgy pants heaven.

And the new bloke drives an Aston Martin Vantage V12.

So, AIBU? We wouldn't need to get out of the car or speak to them, just be seen...

OP posts:
Original poster
iamfabregasted · 05/06/2010 23:25

Sorry that isn't clear, tis the XH family who go there, not the new bloke's.

OP posts:
PortiaNovmerriment · 05/06/2010 23:26

YANBU. But I suppose it would be a bit unfair on new bloke if the ex's family started making comments, and you might end up blowing it if he rumbles what you are up to?

Cretaceous · 05/06/2010 23:28

Why does it matter what XH and family think??? Surely that's in the past? But what do I know...

LilQueenie · 05/06/2010 23:28

only if your partner is aware of this and agrees to go along with it. Dont use you partner to get back at your ex. Not fair on your partner.

Fleegle · 05/06/2010 23:29

It's a bit sad tbh

Lynli · 05/06/2010 23:30

If he is a knob why do you still care what he thinks? Stop playing games and using your new DP to get at your XH, just enjoy your new relationship. YABU

Osama · 05/06/2010 23:30

How shallow. What does it matter which car new bloke drives?

Original poster
iamfabregasted · 05/06/2010 23:30

Oh I'm going to tell him, already touched on it.

Agree that its none of their business or any of mine, but they are making spectactularly nasty comments about me to the extent that some of them have had solicitors letters.

I suppose I want to figuratively thumb my nose at them

OP posts:
KathyImLost · 05/06/2010 23:30

If a bloke took me out to parade me in front of his ex's family, I'd be thinking he wasn't over his ex.

Don't bother, just be happy with the new bloke.

Original poster
iamfabregasted · 05/06/2010 23:31

Oh the car doesn't matter to me and him, he is just as happy in my wee puddle jumper

OP posts:
Papillon · 05/06/2010 23:32

Whats more important

The new bloke

or

your twat X

Stay away from them, they might scratch the Aston then where would you be... ?

LilQueenie · 05/06/2010 23:32

If you have been told you wont find anyone else then what else has the abusive ex said to make you lose your confidence? I can understand wanting him to see that you are better than he tried to make you feel.

LynetteScavo · 05/06/2010 23:32

OMG, where is this place where people cruise around in shoney cars?

In the UK?

Are you serious?

Do they get out and go into restaurants or anything?

Maybe do it in the future, but for now, who cares what your ex thinks.

toccatanfudge · 05/06/2010 23:32

I presume this is the sort of thing that your new man would be doing anyhow..........so on that basis I'd say yes.

The car thing isn't shallow, she had arranged the date before she even knew about his car, and she's a bit of a car geek herself and likes what the car can do rather than the car.

Bit like the way I really like the voice activated sat nav that my new man has based on what it does, not what it cost etc

Fleegle · 05/06/2010 23:33

If they have been harassing you, why would you want to stir them up?
Bit like poking a wasps nest.

And why on earth would new bloke want to go along with this madness...

Kaloki · 05/06/2010 23:34

"If a bloke took me out to parade me in front of his ex's family, I'd be thinking he wasn't over his ex."

Definitely. Don't do it.

Original poster
iamfabregasted · 05/06/2010 23:34

Tocc - yes it is something the two of us would do anyway, actually we did for our first date, just Sunday means I know some of them would be there.

I suppose the other way to look at it is should I avoid going somewhere I usually go on a night because I know they will be there and I know if he takes his car we will be noticed?

OP posts:
toccatanfudge · 05/06/2010 23:36

well when your turn it round that way in your second paragraph then no you definitely shouldn't avoid doing something that you'd normally like to do together just because you ex IL's are going to be there.

thesecondcoming · 05/06/2010 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
iamfabregasted · 05/06/2010 23:37

See he suggested it, and I said I'm not sure coz a lot of the ex's family go there, and he said well if you're not comfortable with it..

OP posts:
toccatanfudge · 05/06/2010 23:39

so basically you want to let your ex's family dictate what you do or don't do with your new man, when it's something that both of you (you and new man) actually enjoy doing...........both being car geeks and all that.

Boys2mam · 05/06/2010 23:39

www.astonmartin.com/thecars/v12vantage

Really?

And you're worried what your ex in-laws will think?

chaostrulyreigns · 05/06/2010 23:40

Wouldn't you rather be at home kinda getting to know each other?

Original poster
iamfabregasted · 05/06/2010 23:41

Boys2mam - if u look my profile you'll see the ACTUAL car

And yes, I am worried, suggested taking my car, he was like "But I haven't had the new Aston up to yet"

OP posts:
chaostrulyreigns · 05/06/2010 23:41

nom nom.

chomp.