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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt when dp refuses to eat what dd or I make him..

168 replies

katycarr · 02/06/2010 21:30

Dp is a very fussy eater in terms of savory things, he hardly ever eats a meal that I make. He does however have a very sweet tooth and when we are out he will eat any pudding, cake tart.

However 9/10 when I make a cake/ tart / pudding he refuses to eat it. He always eats my mum's cooking and delights in telling me so.

My dd is learing how to cook and she made a meal for dp and I the other night. He refused to eat the main course or starter, which was fine. However dd made some ice cream for him , which was bloody good. He point blank refused to eat it, as he always does when dd makes something. She was really hurt but he would not give in. When I asked him why he said that he was not convinced by her hygeine when cooking.

Tonight I made a tart for him, including his favourite sweet things. I am a very very good cook. He turned his nose up and refused to eat it. I feel like he is saying that somehow food I make is substandard or that I am unhygenic.

A large part of me thinks he is being rude and selfish, especially to dd. But then again you can't force someone to eat something and maybe I am reading too much into it.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 02/06/2010 21:31

What a twat...why do you put up with it?

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/06/2010 21:33

I'd be at this and would refuse to cook the ungrateful sod anything at all in future.

He needs to get this phobia sorted though, it's taking over his life.

janeite · 02/06/2010 21:33

I would be furious with him.

Original poster
katycarr · 02/06/2010 21:33

He is not a twat, this is his only "failing" but I find it quite hurtful. I think I need to toughen up and enjoy the fact there is extra cake.

OP posts:
janeite · 02/06/2010 21:33

And I agree with Belle.

OnEdge · 02/06/2010 21:34

he really is a twat especially towards his daughter.

janeite · 02/06/2010 21:34

It sounds like he is trying to 'punish' you and dd in some way tbh. If he eats your mum's cooking, eats out etc then it isn't a phobia, it is pig-headedness.

Original poster
katycarr · 02/06/2010 21:34

In his defence he did not ask for the tart, I was trialling a new recipe to serve at a church function later in the week. The crust did break so it is not the greatest thing I have ever made. But even so it tastes nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
katycarr · 02/06/2010 21:35

When we eat out it is a huge effort tbh because he is os fussy but I have never seen him turn down a pudding other than mine,

OP posts:
Pozzled · 02/06/2010 21:36

He is either being extremely selfish, or he has a genuine food phobia that needs sorting.

Mingg · 02/06/2010 21:36

No you can't force someone to eat something but he is being ungrateful and rude. You and your dd have made an effort and cooked for him and he should at least have the courtesy to taste what you have made. Anyway, if he is not happy with your cooking perhaps he should cook for the family then

Alouiseg · 02/06/2010 21:37

Total twat! It's not about the food where your dd is concerned it's a control mechanism.

maltesers · 02/06/2010 21:37

It does sound strange that an adult like your dp will refuse to eat so amny things.. . especially things which you ahve gone to the trouble to make. . .He is absurdly fussy for a man. . .sounds like he has an eating disorder. . .
Is he overweight ???

scurryfunge · 02/06/2010 21:37

Maybe not a twat then, just a control freak who wants to emotionally abuse his daughter (and you).

Morloth · 02/06/2010 21:39

Stop cooking for him.

I have manage to beg off many of DS's "creations" but DH has choked every single one of them down. You DP is being a bit mean to not even try it and lie if necessary!

5DollarShake · 02/06/2010 21:39

He may be lovely all the rest of the time, but with regards to this particular issue, he's behaving like a right toddler.

So - treat him like one. Continue to bake delicious food, but don't even hint at offering him any. You and your DD sit down and eat it all up, umm-ing and ahh-ing over it, and you can bet after a few doses of that, he'll cop on. And if he doesn't - all the more for you.

Don't pander to his silliness the same way you wouldn't pander to a toddler's silliness. Only way to deal with it.

Original poster
katycarr · 02/06/2010 21:39

He does have food issues because of the way he was bought up. I spent years trying to change him as I am a real foodie, he said at the start of our relationship that he wanted to change. He has a huge list of foods he will not eat. We have to shop separately and apart from a Sunday Roast I never cook for him. I have accepted that he is never going to change and that in every other way he is a fanstastic man.

It is silly to spoil a very happy relationship over a tart, even a very good one.

OP posts:
edam · 02/06/2010 21:39

Very strange behaviour indeed from a grown man.
And extremely rude. What does he say when you ask him why he's hurting your (inc. dd's) feelings?

Original poster
katycarr · 02/06/2010 21:40

No eating disorder, he is quite a slim build.

OP posts:
FloraPost · 02/06/2010 21:41

Yup, sounds like punishment/control. My DP is a horrendously fussy eater, but he always thanks me for whatever I cook and will always at least try a little of a new food when I introduce it.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/06/2010 21:42

He's a fussy sod then, especially if he'll eat your mother's food and not yours. Weird!

sunshiney · 02/06/2010 21:42

What's his view on him taking over all cooking duties

Original poster
katycarr · 02/06/2010 21:42

5dollar that is how we eat really, as I have given up cooking for him dd and I make delicious food for ourselves and he joins us with a sandwich or something out of a tin or packet.

I said that he hurt dd's feelings and he just didn't get it, he just said we can't force him to eat.

Morloth is right I just need to stop cooking for him fullstop and then there is no problem. It is hard though as that is what I am good at. I am a crap housekeeper, crap at looking after people but a fantastic cook

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 02/06/2010 21:43

Stop cooking for him, for heaven's sake.

Original poster
katycarr · 02/06/2010 21:44

During the term time he does do a lot of cooking for the family, but because he has such a limited diet it limits his ability to cook. He tries to cook things he thinks I will like but tends to get it wrong as he only eats really plain food.

As I said I rarely cook him a meal beyond a roast and steak and chips.

OP posts: