To feel hurt when dp refuses to eat what dd or I make him..

[katycarr]

Dp is a very fussy eater in terms of savory things, he hardly ever eats a meal that I make. He does however have a very sweet tooth and when we are out he will eat any pudding, cake tart.

However 9/10 when I make a cake/ tart / pudding he refuses to eat it. He always eats my mum's cooking and delights in telling me so.

My dd is learing how to cook and she made a meal for dp and I the other night. He refused to eat the main course or starter, which was fine. However dd made some ice cream for him , which was bloody good. He point blank refused to eat it, as he always does when dd makes something. She was really hurt but he would not give in. When I asked him why he said that he was not convinced by her hygeine when cooking.

Tonight I made a tart for him, including his favourite sweet things. I am a very very good cook. He turned his nose up and refused to eat it. I feel like he is saying that somehow food I make is substandard or that I am unhygenic.

A large part of me thinks he is being rude and selfish, especially to dd. But then again you can't force someone to eat something and maybe I am reading too much into it.

"He is funny about presents as well, I had a thread on here once about some cufflinks I bought him that he opened and immediately took back to the shop, leaving me in tears"

Oh, I remember. Sorry but your DH sounds like a massive nob.

I also think he may well be transferring all the hostility and very mixed feelings he has for his mother onto you, freeing him up to fool himself that everything is resolved between them and he doesn't have to revisit whatever misery that relationship caused him.

I can't stand fussy eaters. I'm not talking about people who can't eat various things due to their health or kids, but adults who are fussy and won't eat this that or the next thing.

Show him where the compost bin is and tell him to help himself.

Show him this thread.

I would give him a choice-he eats what is put in front of him or he shops, cooks and clears up after his own.

I was just going to suggest aspergers.

It occured to me that the foods you are cooking are a high mix of textures and flavours. He can only cope with a roast, which is clearly just a piece of meat, potatoe and veg, clearly distinguised. Whereas a salad? HUGE mix.

A sandwich is clearly defined Bread, Spread and HAM. You say he eats your mothers plain cooking. But give him a pie, consisting of ground nut base, toffee, mascarpone, cream and strawberries, and he cant cope with it.
I bet he could have a plain vanilla ice cream, with some strawberries on the side
though.

You say he likes your mums cooking, because it is plain.

To be honest, you know what he is like, your dd knows what he is like. He is a fantastic dad and a good man. I would not stress about his eating. Can you change how you react to it? Can you manage to not let it bother you?

I think calling this controlling, or abuse, it ridiculous. He sounds nice, just a bit funny regards to food!

It sounds like Asperger's to me too. If so you are going to have to explain to him very clearly, that if a child makes something you need to try if only a tiny spoonful. (BTW I did the AQ test on my FIL today, and he seems very Aspergery....would explain why he drives us all crazy, and get on so well with one GC.)

lol tortoise.

echt he has seen the thread.

Thanks for that Fibilou, that is very helpful.

Piscesmoon he does shop, cook and clean up after himself. It is only when I have a baking session or if I make the odd meal that he will eat that I cook for him.

QSnondomicile I think you may have a point.

Anyway this morning dd made us all breakfast, bananas in coconut milk with honey. Dp's idea of hell, he ate some of it after our discussion the other night. Small steps in the right direction.

Good that he is making the effort Katy!

Yes I suppose so, he did make me laugh yesterday. I made us all some lunch, just jacket potatoes. He kept going on about how I made the best jacket potatoes in the world!

My DP is exactly the same when my DS (8) does some cooking like cakes or bread and stuff he always makes a "speical one" for dad and when I tell him "oh thats yours" he always says thanks to son and says "i'll eat it later" but never does. It hurts my sons feelings.

Now praise him/thank him!

Yes, do show it's appreciated (I'm sure you have) so that he feels encouraged to keep it up. A few days is OK but if he can really stick with this, think of the difference it'll make to you and your DD.

I did say that was nice of you to eat the breakfast, but it feels daft like you are toddler traning a grown man.

Your DD sounds like a really talented and lovely girl

She is very talented, she made our meal this evening as well.

I don't cook for him that often at all, I bake quite regularly for church, functions and guests but rarely for him.