To feel hurt when dp refuses to eat what dd or I make him..

[katycarr]

Dp is a very fussy eater in terms of savory things, he hardly ever eats a meal that I make. He does however have a very sweet tooth and when we are out he will eat any pudding, cake tart.

However 9/10 when I make a cake/ tart / pudding he refuses to eat it. He always eats my mum's cooking and delights in telling me so.

My dd is learing how to cook and she made a meal for dp and I the other night. He refused to eat the main course or starter, which was fine. However dd made some ice cream for him , which was bloody good. He point blank refused to eat it, as he always does when dd makes something. She was really hurt but he would not give in. When I asked him why he said that he was not convinced by her hygeine when cooking.

Tonight I made a tart for him, including his favourite sweet things. I am a very very good cook. He turned his nose up and refused to eat it. I feel like he is saying that somehow food I make is substandard or that I am unhygenic.

A large part of me thinks he is being rude and selfish, especially to dd. But then again you can't force someone to eat something and maybe I am reading too much into it.

I don't think it is abuse shineon.

OK, have read the bit from the OP now where he will eat any pudding in a restaurant. So will he eat puddings out that he refuses if you make them? That's excessively fussy IMO. I drooled over the description of your tart earlier.

I'm not saying this is the mature adult way to handle it, but I would be tempted to stop going to restaurants with him at all so that you don't have the annoyance of watching him eat puddings he'll refuse at home. Go with other people or your DD instead! Or at least insist that you go home without ordering pudding.

Dd and I do go to restaurants on our own a lot tbh, I always sieze an opportunity to go to a restaurant with friends as well.

What do you think he would say if you rejected one of the things he does for you in the same way?

Sorry shineoncrazydiamond, trying to maintain power and control in a relationship, leaving it unbalanced is a form of domestic abuse, like it or not.

I probably overstated it when I said he will eat any pudding, I am sure there are things he wouldn't eat. But he does have a very sweet tooth and is drawn to sugary things like a magpie.

EightiesChick I wouldn't reject something he did for me, it is just not me.

He is funny about presents as well, I had a thread on here once about some cufflinks I bought him that he opened and immediately took back to the shop, leaving me in tears.

I am to soft for my own good.

How is he controlling me by not eating my tart?

I am pissed off, a bit hurt but don't feel controlled.

Strawberry and hazelnut with mascarpone and toffee actually

How am I giving mixed messages.

I don't think he has aspergers, he is very particular but some people are.

If he says he won't eat your things because of hygiene, why is he happy to eat things in a restaurant? Which will probably be much less hygienically prepared.

As I said, it's not the eating or not eating...it is about who cooked it etc and changing rules about food consumption.

I am not going to persuade you whether or not you are in an equal relationship,katy....that is down to you.....I sincerely hope this is about faddiness and not control,for your own sanity.

I don't understand why you would post your OP and then defend your P to the hilt?

Because if you don't defend him then there is a certain admission that the relationship is unequal.

I am not defending him to the hilt, I think he is being unreasonable. I don't think he is abusive though, just selfish on this issue.

yy scurryfunge

I was trying to be balanced as well, see things from his point of view as well as mine.

I didn't say he was abusive. But read the thread back to yourself a mo. All you have done since the OP is defend him.

I'm not being bitchy here, or argumentative. I just think it's something you should think about.

I have said that he was being rude, I have said that I refuse to shop or cook meals for him. I have said that i think his problem is with me rather than just excusing his behaviour because he is a fussy eater. I have also tackled him at home about hurting my feelings. ( he is now hiding in the kitchen with the washing up) I have labelled him a nightmare in a restaurant. I have also gone into his other odd behaviour regarding gifts and doing nice things.

But at the end of the day I do not know if I am being unreasonable and there is more to him that an a faddy eater so I am not going to launch into a charactar assasination.

my ex-p was like this - didn't (wouldn't) even get outta bed one day when i'd spent 3 hrs making a roast.

need i say more ?

I am thinking about your comments though mermaid.

Now mumbar he loves a roast dinner but it does feel a little bit like that. I have gone to a lot of trouble and he has not acknowledged that fact, it is hurtful.