To feel hurt when dp refuses to eat what dd or I make him..

[katycarr]

Dp is a very fussy eater in terms of savory things, he hardly ever eats a meal that I make. He does however have a very sweet tooth and when we are out he will eat any pudding, cake tart.

However 9/10 when I make a cake/ tart / pudding he refuses to eat it. He always eats my mum's cooking and delights in telling me so.

My dd is learing how to cook and she made a meal for dp and I the other night. He refused to eat the main course or starter, which was fine. However dd made some ice cream for him , which was bloody good. He point blank refused to eat it, as he always does when dd makes something. She was really hurt but he would not give in. When I asked him why he said that he was not convinced by her hygeine when cooking.

Tonight I made a tart for him, including his favourite sweet things. I am a very very good cook. He turned his nose up and refused to eat it. I feel like he is saying that somehow food I make is substandard or that I am unhygenic.

A large part of me thinks he is being rude and selfish, especially to dd. But then again you can't force someone to eat something and maybe I am reading too much into it.

He should have had the good grace to eat dds food.

There is plenty of appetizing dog food advertised on the telly, might be worth a try.

I was waiting for you to turn up shineon as I know you are a fussy eater.

I will just have to stop cooking for him.

I would be more sympathetic if I made something I knew he wouldn't eat. But the fact that he won't eat something that I know he likes suggests the problem is me not the food.

You say you are a crap housekeeper and crap and looking after people....I am sure that is not true.....he his reinforcing your own negative view of your abilities by refusing to acknowledge what a good cook you are....that is about power and control,I'm sorry....try and discuss with him the impact his behaviour is having on you as a family.

As I said above shineon I never ask him to eat my savory food, unless it is some thing I know he will eat.

Tonight dd and I had a chinese pork salad and he had ham sandwiches!

This is a totally unacceptable way to behave towards your DD. If he will eat food made by a restaurant (where he has no idea if standards of hygiene are good) or by your mum and then delights in telling you this, then he is being emotionally abusive imho. You say he is not a twat, but if you were reading this about someone else, what conclusion would you draw? I know you say he is fine in other respects but that does not compensate for the way he behaved towards your child

Scurry he does think I am a good cook, he is always telling people what a great cook I am. He is always buying me cookery books, things for the kitchen etc.

I am truly a crap housekeeper and carer.

It is a fab tart, from this month's good food.

Pastry is made with ground almonds, then a toffee base, then strawberries in mascarpone and cream. Topped with more toffee and hazelnuts.

DD has had too huge platefuls.

I think you need to concentrate on yourself and your DD's diet .. it is clearly healthy and I'm absolutely certain that the only reason your DD hasn't inherited your DP's oddness with food is down to you being a GREAT housekeeper and carer. Let him feed himself, end of.

He was not horrible to her, he just said he did not want her icecream. He complimented her on her cooking. She was briefly upset but because she knows what he is like it did not last.

The danger is that he doesn't see the damage he is doing to his relationship with your dd until it is too late - at the age of 18, 19 she decides to live at the other end of the country and keep you both at arms length. Nothing ever seemed good enough my parents and that's what I did. Now they are more relaxed and wish we were closer. Too bad, my feelings were very hurt when I was younger, so I refuse to rely on them for anything.

He says my pie looks sloppy, which it does now that it has been ravaged by dd!

Apparantly he has remembered that he does not like hazel nuts.

I agree with saslou that there is something odd about this. I find it strange that he chooses the thing you excel at to reject. That feels somehow like it is a calculated putdown - though I know you have said he is fine otherwise.

I really, really don't understand why he will eat your mum's puddings etc. Does she make totally different stuff to you? Have you asked him straight out why he'll eat hers and not yours, and if so what has he said?

Does he actually eat in restaurants? I can't remember you posting that he did but might have skimmed it.

If it makes you feel any better, I remember watching a item on local news years ago now about a man who would only eat Heinz baked bean pizzas (must have been a very slow news day). When he went for meals out with his girlfriend, he took one with him for the restaurant staff to heat up. I was that he had a girlfriend and mortified just thinking about what going to a restaurant with him would be like.

Sounds fantastic Katycarr.

It is not the eating or not eating that is the issue...adults can eat what they want, as you say....it is the reasoning behind it and being selective about who is cooking it that causes concern from a domestic abuse point of view.

If your relationship works, then fine but please make sure it is balanced because from what you say it is all about him at the moment.

My dd adores dp.

My mum is a different cook to me, much more traditional. I guess because she will only feed him once in a blue moon she will make things she knows he will eat.

He is a nightmare in a restaurant as well , just not with puddings. But I guess that he chooses a pudding he will eat.

I have told him this evening that he has hurt my feelings, he just shrugged and said that he eats my cooking at Christmas so I should be happy.

Personally the general not eating wouldn't bother me that much, as I said I just wouldn't cook for him at all and just please myself and DD.

But with kids we have a bit of "take one for the team" attitude. DS is soooo proud of himself when he makes something that you just have to try and compliment.

I feel like I am doing AIBU by stealth now but the thing that gets me is that he is always doing things for me. I have a reputation for being a bit of an over pampered princess who is lucky to have her man because I do so little for him. But the thing I do is cook, when friends are sad I make tham a cake. When they are ill I make them soup. I am a star turn at the church fete and my scones have fans up and down the country. So the thing I could do for him is cook, but he won't let me.

I have even tried daft things. he loves sausage rolls, cheap nasty sausage rolls from the supermarket. So one day I bought some lovely 100% meat sausage meat, made the pastry from scratch and made him luxury sausage rolls. He turned his nose up at them.

When we row, which is not often, he always says to me that I do nothing for him and tha
it is him running aroud after me. But when I try and cook for him, using the talent I have, he doesn't want it.

I am probably taking this all to seriously