Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be the only one who does the dinner everynight!

228 replies

Hai1988 · 28/05/2010 16:32

Basicly as i said above, even on DH days off and holidays I am always the one who does it!
and y does he always want feeding when ive just sat down or in the middle of something!!
ITS like having 2 4 year olds in the house sometimes

Does ne one else have this problem, living wit a man who still thinks its the stone age and women cook and man works {shock]

BTW i found out on a recent holiday with the fil that he has these same views on life so ive worked out where its come from {angry]

OP posts:
Original poster
Hai1988 · 28/05/2010 17:41

runaway.

I have already done the cleaning strike thing, the trouble is the messyness bothers me before it does in so i always cave

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 28/05/2010 17:44

While I completely agree with posters who point out that your DH shouldn't have eaten so much during the day that he cannot eat your evening meal, I still don't think that it is unreasonable for you, as a SAHM with one child, to do the massive bulk of housekeeping/catering/laundry. It's work; your DH works to earn money. Share the joy of bringing up your DC, but I think the chores are yours.

pagwatch · 28/05/2010 17:44

I wasn't suggestingthat you moan athim about it. Tell him you would like him to cook on x night. if he doesn'tthen go out to dinner on your own and leave him to sort himself out.

And don't leave the place messy. Just stop doing his washing and his cooking until he helps.

Don't argue about it. Just stop doing it

ModernDayCinders · 28/05/2010 17:49

dinner free zone here

cinders kitchen is shut in the evenings

pagwatch · 28/05/2010 17:53

Bonsoir

I don't agree.
The chores may be mostly mine duringthe week but we are both allowed the weekend.
DH helps as it is not reasonable for me to work 7 days a week and he only works 5.

And he would be the first to say that.

being solely responsible for all the household jobs all thetime does not make one a SAHM, it makes one a drudge
But then DH loves pouring me a glass of wine so we can chat while I watch him cooking.

Original poster
Hai1988 · 28/05/2010 17:55

binsoir, i am not saying that i dont want to di al the following that you said, im just asking for a tiney tiny bit of help when he is at home, for instant take the bins out on his way out, or put a load of washing in the machine at the weekend or evan just take his frigging plate to the kitchen when hes done!!!!

OP posts:
pagwatch · 28/05/2010 17:56

then stop doing all of it.

If he hasn't helped up to now, in spite of your asking him all the time, then he will not change unless you change.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 28/05/2010 17:58

I actually agree with Bonsoir.

To a point.

I think that you should each do the same hours. So if he does a 40 hr week - so should you! Now I'm not taking about keeping time sheets but roughly. So if he's out at work, then you're looking after the children, cleaning and cooking, ironing etc.

Fairs fair. It's about what needs doing in a family, in order to maintain a home - earning money, cleaning, cooking, childcare, budgeting, shopping, diy... and who does those jobs. Is it fair for the person who is out of the house all day earning the money to be the one who comes home, cleans the house, gets the evening meal on and does the ironing before going to bed, while the other one has taken the kids to school, gone for coffee and did a bit of gaming/shopping/wandering/reading/whatever and fetched them back, plonked them in front of the tv and logged onto the pc? of course not, nobody would do that, it would be a total abuse of a person to take advantage like that!

So you divide the jobs equally.

But that does not mean that the one who earns the money has nothing to do when they get home and on their days off! Or you have one person doing a 40 hour week and the other person doing a 90 hour week! And it is a total abuse of a person to take advantage like that!

So it is about balance. He does his working week, you do your working week and weekends and days off it is 50/50. It's only fair. And if he can't see that then, frankly, he's a selfish pig.

CheekyPinkSox · 28/05/2010 17:59

Why dont you speak to him and on his days off ask him to cook. If he is out at work most days and your at home, i cannot see why cooking a meal will get to you, hes working so he should have a meal - I cook a meal (when my chickens not off like today Grrrrr) and if hes not hungry when he gets in, i plate it up ad stick it in the microwave for him then when hes hungry he can just warm it up, add gravy etc etc to it.

If he wont compromise then tell him to cook his own meals from now on then when he gets in from work.

ModernDayCinders · 28/05/2010 18:03

oh

think i will start a time sheet

can i be on bonus time

dh is away on a cushy conference in Italy

pagwatch · 28/05/2010 18:04

Hecate , you agree with Bonsoir, I disagree with Bonsoir but I agree with you and you have agreed with me..

Bonsoir · 28/05/2010 18:07

There is absolutely no way that taking care of the chores/catering/laundry of a family of two adults and one small child takes 40 hours a week!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 28/05/2010 18:09
Grin
belgo · 28/05/2010 18:09

You cannot compare being a SAHM to a 40 hour a week job - I'm sure I do more then 40 hours but it's spread across 24/7.

Anyway NO-ONE would want to eat my food every night of the week. We would all lose weight rather quickly.

diddl · 28/05/2010 18:10

It´s the Mumsnetting that I find most time consuming

Bonsoir · 28/05/2010 18:10

I would be deeply ashamed of myself for not managing to get a proper supper on the table for my family every night in a SAHM/FT working DH scenario... It's not that hard!

belgo · 28/05/2010 18:10

yes mumsnetting is a full time job in itself

belgo · 28/05/2010 18:11
Bonsoir · 28/05/2010 18:11

belgo - I am not comparing SAHM to FT working - I am comparing the time spent on housekeeping versus work. Bringing up children is a separate issue.

diddl · 28/05/2010 18:12

Perhaps it´s more to do with the OP´s husband not helping holidays/weekends & sometimes wanting nothing or not wanting what she has cooked?

pagwatch · 28/05/2010 18:14

Well thats kind of good for you but I am not sure why that is the standard.

Dh is a great cook. I loathe it. I do a full week, so does he. Is the idea that I fetch and fanny around him all weekend a la 1940s.

We love each other, we help each other out. I listen to his tales of work and go to the rugby when sometimes I would rather not. he helps out in the kitchen. It is no biggy and it really isn't about shame when I don't run around after him all weekend.

Shame is a dreadfully sanctemonious word to use about who chops the veggies of a saturday night

Bonsoir · 28/05/2010 18:16

pagwatch - I have been very clear throughout that I was referring to the working week evening meal.

pagwatch · 28/05/2010 18:20

well actually i have scrolled back and found the 'during the week' on one of the early post. it wasn't clear to me at all from any of the posts i had read.

my posts have all been about what happens 7 days a week. It seems we have been agreeing

pagwatch · 28/05/2010 18:21

i agree with hecate

Original poster
Hai1988 · 28/05/2010 18:21

yes diddl thats it. When i decided to be a SAHM i new that it would be my job to do all the housework/cooking ect..
What im trying to say is why is it always me 24/7 365 days a year !!
I never said that i didn't think i should cook him a meal when he gets in from work or do choirs when hes at work.
Im just after a bit of help, i tiny bit of help at weekends and silly little things that need done when hes at home !
I hope everyone understands what i mean now?

OP posts: