to not want a male worker to take my daughter to the toilet?

[DebiDean]

Hi there,

My daughter wet herself in the nursery toilets yesterday, when I asked her about it at dinner she mentioned that it was a male worker who took her to the toilet. I spoke to a few friends about it who had different opinions about whether it was right or wrong (opinion was a 50/50 split!) and I decided that as I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would contact the nursery and explain that I would rather a female worker take her to the toilet.

I was very clear with the nursery that I was supportive of having male role models within the nursery however I felt that to maintain my daughters dignity it would be more appropriate for a female worker to take her to the toilet.

I had a rather rude reply accusing me of being discriminative and that they would refuse to discriminate against him.

I was so shocked as I do support men working with children, but felt there should be limitations within that, or the nursery should at least consider my wishes (especially as it costs me £45 a day!!!).

Whats the opinion? Any ideas of what I could/should do?

well, do you think it is wrong for female staff to help the boys to the toilet? If not you are discriminating against the male member of staff.

YABU

I have to say YABU in my opinion. He is male not a peodophile...

This is going to kick off I can just feel it..

YABU

What the hell do you think those of us who have sons do? Given that 95% of nursery workers are female, the poor boys would have to wait until hometime if we were as discriminatory as you.

Plus, be honest, she's 2 or 3 years old. It's fuck all to do with dignity - you're scared he's a paedophile.

I don't suppose it matters what gender the worker is provided they are qualified, CRB checked and willing.

Erm, what are you worried about? Him being a 'paedo'?

Women can be paedophiles too, so would you be happy with a woman taking her to the toilet?

What about a lesbian woman?

My husband wants to volunteer at our nursery but its reasons like this he is reluctant, shame because all the kids love him and he is so good with them

at my bad SP on paedophile.

you had better take her out of nursery then, and find an alternative method of childcare

good luck with that

Good lord - really?
YABU

For me YABU - If he is working there then he will probably have been trained , studied , passed all the relevant tests to get in the position.
Not wanting to know about your situation or assume. But does her father not take her to the toilet / change her nappy in the past ?
Should female workers not take boys to the toilet or change them either?

Of course YABU

Lol, yes, if you had a son would you be happy for him to be taken by a woman? I'm guessing so.

Women at our playgroup have stripped DS naked and fully re-clothed him, cleaned him up when he has had accidents.... it never ever crossed my mind to be 'concerned' about that.

Find it odd that you would!

Ridiculous. You are discriminating against him and this will turn into a massive issue, when other parents hear you saying this they will want to know why and the "I just don't like it" excuse will not stop the rumours starting.

Stop sending your dd there if you don't like the way it is run.

sorry, I disagree with you. Were we to have a male worker at nursery, who was properly crb checked the same as any female worker, I would want him to take part in the full range of caring for the children both male and female, just as the female staff do.

I work in a preschool, and heartily wish we could employ a man, the children really appreciate having men volunteering in the setting and I think it so useful to have male role models.

Dp you think female workers taking boys to the loo fails to maintain their dignity?

YABVVU

YABVU.

You say you are supportive of males working with children but only if there are 'limitations'? Do you have any idea how prejudiced that sounds??

Imagine the shoe was on the other foot and it was a woman in a typically 'male' job - what would you say then?

yes you are bonkers

the male worker at our nursery does everything the women do - including changing wet knickers, cleaning splurgy poo etc

why the hell wouldn't he?

we are lucky to have him as there are very few men in early years and childcare

thanks to muppets like your good self

I am shaking my head at how YABU this is.

It's no wonder that nurseries and schools struggle to find male employees when they come up against attitudes like this.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVU

this presumption that all male child carers, or men who are child friendly are peeeedos is fucking ridicolous

and insulting

and have you noticed OP, another female nursery worker was arrested over the weekend for allegedly sexually assualting a child unde 13? that's right, a female.

so really, if you are worreid about Peeeeedos, i would ensure your child is only taken to the toilet by males.

Welcome to MN, Debi.

Yes, you are being unreasonable and sexist.

YABTU

I have worked in nurseries and you are not allowed to help with toileting until you have cleared a crb - and as others state above - you are accusing him of paedophilia.

You don't actually state how old your child is and what he did/how he helped - if she is a toddler is it any different to changing her nappy - if she's 3/4 then presumably he hovered about outside or helped slightly whilst she undressed and got dressed again.

Do you have a male partner? Doesn't he help with her? YABU

presumably, you would also be against male Midwives, gynaes, obstetricians etc..? due to the issue of dignity and not being able to control themselves when confronted by female genitalia

What will you do at school if she has male teachers? Or teaching assistants?
They will clear up any accidents too and help her get dressed for pe etc

Of course YABU

I presume you would expect the female staff not to accompany boys to the toilet for the same reason?

Good on the nursery for telling you it would be discriminatory and not letting your warped views get in the way.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU