to not want a male worker to take my daughter to the toilet?

[DebiDean]

Hi there,

My daughter wet herself in the nursery toilets yesterday, when I asked her about it at dinner she mentioned that it was a male worker who took her to the toilet. I spoke to a few friends about it who had different opinions about whether it was right or wrong (opinion was a 50/50 split!) and I decided that as I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would contact the nursery and explain that I would rather a female worker take her to the toilet.

I was very clear with the nursery that I was supportive of having male role models within the nursery however I felt that to maintain my daughters dignity it would be more appropriate for a female worker to take her to the toilet.

I had a rather rude reply accusing me of being discriminative and that they would refuse to discriminate against him.

I was so shocked as I do support men working with children, but felt there should be limitations within that, or the nursery should at least consider my wishes (especially as it costs me £45 a day!!!).

Whats the opinion? Any ideas of what I could/should do?

I spent all bloody day looking after my home and child (and fitted in going to work too), just so I could come on here and give some overinflated opinions.

oooooo we're all absuive sad people??

ooh I have never been called an over opinionated fool before... I am not a fool, and I do share my opinion, if you dont like it then do not post in AIBU.

Which I think by a clear majority you are being.

goblinchild can you just imagine???? "MrsJax can you escort DD to the loo please, and while you are here, change her for swimming for tomorrow as I know you are busy on Wednesdays, do pop back on Thursday as we do tag rugby and she needs changed into her PE kit!"

If you go on to have another child and have a son will you request that only male staff assist him in the toilet?

yes I am lovely.

"please bear in mind that this topic encourages posters to give their opinions - i.e. they might disagree with you"

you want proper advice...............I'll give you some - if you have a proper issue you want help with..............don't post on AIBU

You have caused your daughter's dislike of urinating in front of men by having the attitude that Men are dangerous strange people who Cannot Be Trusted.

You have given your daughter the idea that little girls don't take their pants off in front of Men. You have caused this fear, which you are assuming is dignity, of being vulnerable in front of Men.

four year olds just don't come up with that shit by themselves.

ooo thanks pag - just off to the shop for some more baccy

Debidean - Im worried that your daughter wet herself rather than went to toilet with a male... have you asked her why this happened?

I dont want to be a drama queen but something may have happened to give her a concern like that because i dont think its a natural one. And I second that you can keep you dignity when being cared for by a male too.

When you go for a wee its quite a discret thing isnt it, I would be worried that your daughter felt degraded by this.

considering the male worker is obviously trained and will be used to dealing with all kinds of accidents, you need to ask yourself what your daughter is so afraid of, what are you teaching her?

i sort of see what your saying, that your daughter should be allowed to ask for a female worker, but thats not really a great attitude for her to have to see men as a bad thing who cannot help her with basic needs? the fact she peed herself rather than have a male worker is worrying

maybe we all need to investigate WHY we are so concerned about members of the opposite sex seeing our private parts, if we're not worried about abuse? we all talk about not pushing our kids and ourselves into defined gender roles, yet create issues with gender all the time. its deep rooted now, i hope in years to come noone will care if their childs doctor is a man. we can dream...

I'm with 99% of everyone else on here.
Will also say, I have a male gynae, and he's fab. Treated my high risk cells on my cervix and so far I'm now having normal smears.

far more in the world to worry about - and if it is that worrying, then she should be taken out.

actually my dd1 had a problem with a male gp wanting to look at her tummy with me in the room. Dd1 refused to lift her top up for him to see.

Dd1 then saw this same gp later in a cafe and said I am not lifting my top up for you - in a stern voice,

dd was 3 at the time.

So although i at the beiging of the thread though debideam was being vu

I have to admitt I have a feeling if it had been my dd1 she would have wet herself aswell rather than a male nursry worker take her to the loo.

i always bokked a female gp for dd1 after that incident

was that wrong that I had the chocie of gp and took that choice? was I being sexest by not using a male gp and picking the female one?

Herbie ROFL at 'Pee'd in front of the Queen on BBC1'!

I will ask my dd1 why this was the case later - when she get home..

my BF's DD at a little younger than that flashed her knickers at the bishop as he processed down the middle of the aisle at the confirmation service

ruckyrunt - but why did your dd have a problem with a male GP at the age of three? Surely it was a good opportunity to talk to her about her fears and reassure her?

TOCC- Stop blowing that bloody smoke at me you caaawwwwww

Colditz
You have given your daughter the idea that little girls don't take their pants off in front of Men. You have caused this fear, which you are assuming is dignity, of being vulnerable in front of Men

what a good post. we dont take our pants off in front of men because that equals SEX. whether in abuse, in coitus, or exploitation. whereas women are considered safe, yet all those things apply to women too. sad, isnt it?

Not just unreasonable. Utterly offensive. I can't actually believe you posted this.

Bloody hell, I am at this thread title.
Nothing I can add to what has already been said, but Jesus, I feel so sorry for men that want to work with kids sometimes.
Fwiw, I was abused by a teacher as a young girl, but even I know that he was a huge exception and that women abuse kids too. If I have a daughter I hope I will teach her that men are certainly not something to be afraid of! As will her Daddy.

er Gichin, how does posters suggesting that the OP would be worried about abuse [which is a common reason for not wanting male workers with kids, which is irrational and an awful attitude] make THEM sick?
great logic, thumbs up.