to not want a male worker to take my daughter to the toilet?

[DebiDean]

Hi there,

My daughter wet herself in the nursery toilets yesterday, when I asked her about it at dinner she mentioned that it was a male worker who took her to the toilet. I spoke to a few friends about it who had different opinions about whether it was right or wrong (opinion was a 50/50 split!) and I decided that as I wasn't comfortable with the idea that I would contact the nursery and explain that I would rather a female worker take her to the toilet.

I was very clear with the nursery that I was supportive of having male role models within the nursery however I felt that to maintain my daughters dignity it would be more appropriate for a female worker to take her to the toilet.

I had a rather rude reply accusing me of being discriminative and that they would refuse to discriminate against him.

I was so shocked as I do support men working with children, but felt there should be limitations within that, or the nursery should at least consider my wishes (especially as it costs me £45 a day!!!).

Whats the opinion? Any ideas of what I could/should do?

gynecologist

Well said ifancyashandy, gender is not the issue with respecting dignity.Anyone can be respectful.....it is out moded to have gender specific roles....competence is what matters.

floot...you didn't actually type out the whole word though, didya ??

I win...but I will share the prize with you x

'She will be in reception (if in UK) and trust me - teachers do not have the time to escort 30 kids to the toilet when they need to go!'

Or dress them after PE.
I'd be tempted to read the note about refusing male help and ring you every time your poppet needed something personal doing. Because an unreasonable attitude is like a ladder in tights, it runs and spreads to other areas.
I'd bbe concerned that you'd start on me next.

Thanks Anyfucker - I'm afraid I have not your bravery!

I am entitled to an opinion in the same way everyone else is on here so why be so sad as to use abusive language and attempt to tear me to pieces?! Maybe an internet forum for parents is for the over opinionated fools who when they should be looking after their children and home instead wait to attack people looking for advice!

Every time I need to see a male doctor for myself I am given the opportunity to refuse or have a female nurse supervise. Oh and if my daughter were to have to see a doctor or nurse there is a 100% guarentee I would be with her!

Again I DO NOT BELIEVE my child is at ANY risk of abuse.

surely at one point all the nursery workers were 'strangers' to your dd so that argument doesn't stand up. also, does your dd have a father that she sees? does he take her to teh toilet? you are giving her a really bad message about men. and you are discriminating. you will have to find alternative childcare if you cannot overcome your issues.

looking after your home

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

AIBU brings out robust and strong opinions

DS went to nursery until 4 years 10 months

it never occurred to me that a female taking him to the loo was encroaching on his dignity

why is your daughter wetting ehrself at the thought a male carer is taking her to the loo

to me, that is absolutely germane to this whole issue

why do you think it demeans her?

Do small children have dignity? To be honest lots of quite undignified things happen to nursery children - having their nappy changed or bottom wiped, being stripped out of wet clothes.

On other threads we've had parents complain that their children AREN'T supervised in the toilets, and that staff should be there with them to ensure bottoms are wiped and hands washed properly - can nurseries win?

I'm glad the nursery manager told you they wouldn't discriminate on gender grounds - we have three highly experienced, qualified and popular male members of staff at my nursery, and I hate to think how they'd feel if they were told parents didn't want them to take children to the toilet.

it is a very persistent one

< links arms with floot, and sways >

So???

Does anybody ever insist on a male worker to take your little boys to the toilet??- it would be very difficult if you did- you rarely get men in nursery.

You are crazy, no wonder your dd was upset about the man taking her to the toilet if that is your attitude. I would personally love to see more men working with young children, there is far too much female domination, making all kids scared of strange men is so silly.

The cases of abuse in nurseries in the news have all been women too.

YABU. Female workers take boys to the toilet. A male worker will have had the same checks as female workers.

Debi - Im not going to tear you to pieces but I am going to reiterate what other people have said - arent you worried that she is so concerned about going to the loo in front of a male? That level of nervousness / awareness would worry me at that age tbh. Also, why does she need assistance if you dont mind me asking?

yabu in your views but I suspect in the real world alot of people, would, sadly, agree with you.

OP, if you do not believe your child is at any risk of abuse, why is it an issue at all then?

You must be able to see that you are being unfair to this man surely?

And personally I don't hold with refusing to see a male doctor/nurse/midwife etc. You get who you're given in my opinion. Men in hospital certainly don't have the luxury of refusing female nurses.

but one ofthe people who should be looking after their children and home is you, surely?

I haven't attacked you. I am very nice

'ld be looking after their children and home instead wait to attack people looking for advice!'

What about our menfolk? Isn't it important that we keep them happy too, and look our best?

DD is cooking dinner, DS is watering the garden having cut the lawn. I had children so they could care for me in my dotage, and I'm giving them lots of practice.

I don't have to look after my home - it's already clean and tidy downstairs...........and I have just been and sorted out the most hideous poo my just turned 3yr old has ever done in his entire 3yr existence so have a few minutes before putting them in bed...........they're watching road runner (or something of that ilk on boomerang - TV does a fab job of looking after them

now - where were we?

YABVVVVVU I totally agree with the nursery. Women can be paedophiles you know too, look at that case whereby a female nursery worker abused those children in the news a few months back. If they are qualified to do the job, have been CRB checked and have the right skills to do the job than its all fine by me. I would rather a male worker took my dd to the toilet, than her suffer the indignity of wetting herself because a female was not available.

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if someone's already said this but I would imagine it would be far more undignified for your DD to have stayed in wet clothes and you're basically saying that you would have preferred this rather than a qualified adult to help her.

pag is lovely..........and she has a lovely house not like my scummy hovel house

YABU

Presaumably you'd be happy with female nursery staff helping boys in the toilet? So why would it be different for a male staff member t take a girl?

Pag watch... I decided to try this for the 1st time as I had an issue... wont happen again trust me!

Over and out... enjoy being abusive sad people.